Undergraduate / Health fair in the San Ysidro community - the story of becoming an adult person [3]

Hello everyone, this is my first post here and I have my common app essay. I struggle with telling a story in my writing and I would appreciate the most brutally honest feedback possible. I am open to all criticism and would appreciate all criticism as a means of representing a college admissions officer were reading my essay. Thank you in advance!

INSTRUCTIONS: write an essay of no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response. Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don't feel obligated to do so. (The application won't accept a response shorter than 250 words.)

PROMPT: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

MY RESPONSE:
I found myself on July 19, 2015; the Sunday before I began my senior year of high school. As part of the Kaiser San Diego Summer Urban Health Fellowship, we hosted a health fair in the San Ysidro community. I perceived it to be a typical health fair with a few amount of people that were generally uninterested in what information we had to provide. I was extremely mistaken. In reality, each of the nearly 100 people who attended the fair were wholly engaged in our discussions.

The overwhelming amount of "Thank yous" after every presentation is what ultimately led me to the breaking point. Now, this was not a means of habitual vocabulary but rather a genuine expression of emotions. I saw the gleaming in each of these peoples eyes; they were on the verge of tears just from showing their gratitude and appreciativeness for us being there and providing health discussions, free physicals, and free doctor consultations for them (it is common for people in this area to not have medical insurance and them to be living in accordance with disease and no treatment or desire to receive treatment, hence why we hosted a free health fair). Their emotions led me to the point where I realized that this is who I am and this is what I want to do in the near future; this is where I became an adult.

The opportunity to contribute to the community that has contributed so much to me serves the purpose of further solidifying my intentions to continue to do just that. To continue to serve my community. This exposure to the reality of living among a community of people literally next to the border makes me proud because I can share my knowledge amongst those who may not have access to the same opportunities I have had. I am proud to have the ability to have a lasting effect on the children of my community to influence them to pursue a higher degree of education and know that every little step counts, even the seemingly arduous task of completing elementary, middle, and high school. They really do have an effect on your future and I realize that now that I have made the transformation to adulthood.

Though my contributions may not be as substantial now, they have influenced my objective in the future, which is to continue to have a lasting effect on my community by establishing a program for all students to participate in an internship at a local hospital to teach them the ins and outs of college, what options are available to them, how to stay confident throughout their education, and ultimately teach them what it is like to study medicine and work in the medical field - something I believe is a rudiment to a successful college future. I plan on pursuing these dreams all while I continue to strive for a higher education in the medical field and learn more about myself through the mentoring of students with the same dreams and aspirations as me.

I also plan on returning to the Kaiser San Diego SUrF Internship during the summer of 2016 to be a mentor for up and coming students interested in the medical field. Although I don't consider myself an adult right now, my peers and other interns look to me as an adult figurehead; someone they can talk to about anything. Becoming this figurehead and having the opportunity to participate in this internship has allowed me to develop strengths and overall experiences I would have never imagined and I now look forward to using them to excel in college and eventually becoming my own perception of an adult.

Undergraduate / How glasses have shaped my world - UC Prompt 1 [4]

I tried to play on this essay prompt by writing about the impact glasses have had on my life. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

PROMPT:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

MY RESPONSE:
I have always wanted to wear sunglasses for the sole purpose of the suspicion raised by people surrounding me of where my eyes are venturing off to. However, like 71% of Americans who require some form of vision correction, my world revolves around the two prescription lenses enclosed in a plastic frame perched on my nose and ears; It revolves around a pair of glasses that were constructed specifically for me.

I am convinced it had begun in the second grade when a careless upper grade child kicked a basketball in the air, only to strike me in the head as gravity forced the projectile back down. He must have been close to me for the point of impact suggests a nearly straight up and down trajectory. It was a few weeks after the incident that I noticed my vision was becoming progressively worse. I finally got to the point where I absolutely needed glasses by the fourth grade and have been wearing them ever since. Though many would be resentful of this day, I am proud of the outcome. I am proud to be "Four-eyed" for if I only had my own two, I wouldn't be able to see the big "E" on the eyesight chart.

Coping with a visual impairment so severe has shaped my world like nothing else ever could and quite frankly, I am astonished than an object as simple as glasses would have such an enormous impact on my life. They permit me to have a sense of direction of where I want to go and what I want to do in life; I yearn to fuel my madness in the medical field and I aspire to become an Anesthesiologist. These glasses grant me a first hand experience of the hardships of living in an underserved community, closer to the United States/Mexico border than a major medical center, and attending a 99% minority high school. And just like other citizens of the world, we have dreams and aspirations too. For that reason, I crave the opportunity to give back to the community that gave to me. The community that raised me to be grateful for opportunities to advance my education no matter how big or small, the community of teachers that sent me out on internships because they simply believed in me. These glasses allow me to see past the racial stereotypes that prove to discourage the masses that succumb to them. It is beyond me how a society could bring shame upon a group of people for something they have absolutely no control over. These glasses enable me to discern the pressure to be a role model for my siblings and peers. Needless to say, this only fuels my passion to wear glasses every day for the rest of my life. I want to prove everyone who doubted me, based on my ethnicity and community, wrong and give hope to those who supported me along the way. And I want to see their reactions to my success through the two prescription lenses enclosed in a plastic frame perched on my nose and ears.