Writing Feedback / IELTS Taks 1 : The Two Methods of Collecting Water For Irrigation [3]

Although there are two different methods for collecting water, but it can be seen that they haveserve the same purpose - irrigation.

Writing Feedback / "Individualism in a society that focuses on branding in young people." [3]

A girl's first toy is often a Barbie and theirits message is continuously perpetuated in a young women's life.
I think that's the correct way to say it because the pronoun after "and" refers to "a girl's first toy"

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing--final grade determined by numerous assignments or few assignments? [2]

It is quietquite necessary to point out that developing
The stress of students can be significantly release sever What do you mean by that?
whereas the finance's teacher chooseschose to give grades only by final examination
Hardly can II could hardly feel the stress since I spared no effort during the semester
That's all I could find, but I think your essay is pretty good!

Writing Feedback / The capacity to accept criticism from others, though harsh vituperation, has a great role in a team [5]

I think it's better to say team work or work in teams rather than team working, but apart from that it's a good essay!