graceqw
Oct 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Problem I have solved--fighting my own demon. Essay on how I dealt with an obstacle in my life. [7]
TOPIC:Describe a problem you've solved or a problem you'd like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.
I slept alone in a pitch-black bedroom every night. I dreamt of my mother sitting by my bed and telling me the story of "Guess How Much I Love You". I dreamt of my parents kissing my forehead before I closed my eyes. I dreamt of my parents holding my hands and telling me how much they love me. But dreams are only dreams. Each morning, reality slapped me in the face.
My parents remarried when I was three. I tried to treat my stepparents as family, but I couldn't. I would hide underneath my blanket crying, to not let anyone worry about me. Immature and stubborn, I could not accept that my parents were divorced. I was jealous of children happily holding their parents' hands. I know that no matter whom my stepmother married, she would never become my mother. I was afraid of being hated. I had to work extra hard to seem like a perfect daughter. When others were studying, I had to take care of my sisters - bathing them, helping them with their homework, and telling them bedtime stories. And after exhausting myself on all those tedious chores, I finally started studying at 11, despite having to wake up at 5. Throwing up at night with tears streaming down my face became a daily routine. I lived like a prisoner, blaming myself for my parents' divorce.
My life was a tragedy until the day after I had a huge fight with my father. He was using my mother as an example for the lesson he was trying to teach me. However, I could not listen to what he was trying to express because I put all my focus on fighting back. I slammed the door and locked myself in the dark laundry room. I hated when my father talked about my mother because I felt he was judging her. I was defensive. I cried out loud, feeling a pain throbbing my heart. I called my mom and asked her "I am always the one left out. I feel I am a thorn between two families. People get hurt when they interact with me. Why do I need to be alive in this world when no one loves me?" "Go to bed right now." Her words instilled a sense of calmness, bringing peace to my turbulent life. The next day, I saw an email directed to my father. My mom wrote, "If you can't provide my daughter a happy life, then I want her to live with me. Our divorce has nothing to do with her."
Life changes. However, my parents' caring and love lasts. I don't need to worry about being abandoned. I need to face the truth that my parents don't love each other anymore that they decided to divorce. I need to forgive myself and understand that it's not my fault to live in a divorced family. The room is no longer a place for me to cry out loud. It is the best shelter to reflect my life and remind me to be who I truly am.
Creating a study group and catching up with school works, I found my own social circle. At first, we were only students who wanted to study and discuss. Upon talking to them, I found my true passion in art and design. After couple years of changing, I am not putting on the facade of a daughter anymore. My childhood was special. I was forced to face reality while others were hugging teddy bears. Experiencing this debilitating event early in my childhood, I realized that throwing pity parties could not change anything; everyone has to face their demons. Stepping out from my comfort zone, I, an independent girl, have taken control my own life.
TOPIC:Describe a problem you've solved or a problem you'd like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.
I slept alone in a pitch-black bedroom every night. I dreamt of my mother sitting by my bed and telling me the story of "Guess How Much I Love You". I dreamt of my parents kissing my forehead before I closed my eyes. I dreamt of my parents holding my hands and telling me how much they love me. But dreams are only dreams. Each morning, reality slapped me in the face.
My parents remarried when I was three. I tried to treat my stepparents as family, but I couldn't. I would hide underneath my blanket crying, to not let anyone worry about me. Immature and stubborn, I could not accept that my parents were divorced. I was jealous of children happily holding their parents' hands. I know that no matter whom my stepmother married, she would never become my mother. I was afraid of being hated. I had to work extra hard to seem like a perfect daughter. When others were studying, I had to take care of my sisters - bathing them, helping them with their homework, and telling them bedtime stories. And after exhausting myself on all those tedious chores, I finally started studying at 11, despite having to wake up at 5. Throwing up at night with tears streaming down my face became a daily routine. I lived like a prisoner, blaming myself for my parents' divorce.
My life was a tragedy until the day after I had a huge fight with my father. He was using my mother as an example for the lesson he was trying to teach me. However, I could not listen to what he was trying to express because I put all my focus on fighting back. I slammed the door and locked myself in the dark laundry room. I hated when my father talked about my mother because I felt he was judging her. I was defensive. I cried out loud, feeling a pain throbbing my heart. I called my mom and asked her "I am always the one left out. I feel I am a thorn between two families. People get hurt when they interact with me. Why do I need to be alive in this world when no one loves me?" "Go to bed right now." Her words instilled a sense of calmness, bringing peace to my turbulent life. The next day, I saw an email directed to my father. My mom wrote, "If you can't provide my daughter a happy life, then I want her to live with me. Our divorce has nothing to do with her."
Life changes. However, my parents' caring and love lasts. I don't need to worry about being abandoned. I need to face the truth that my parents don't love each other anymore that they decided to divorce. I need to forgive myself and understand that it's not my fault to live in a divorced family. The room is no longer a place for me to cry out loud. It is the best shelter to reflect my life and remind me to be who I truly am.
Creating a study group and catching up with school works, I found my own social circle. At first, we were only students who wanted to study and discuss. Upon talking to them, I found my true passion in art and design. After couple years of changing, I am not putting on the facade of a daughter anymore. My childhood was special. I was forced to face reality while others were hugging teddy bears. Experiencing this debilitating event early in my childhood, I realized that throwing pity parties could not change anything; everyone has to face their demons. Stepping out from my comfort zone, I, an independent girl, have taken control my own life.
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