Undergraduate / Columbia Supplement - Which activity are you most proud of? [4]

Hi guys, please help me proofread my Columbia Supplemental. I would really appreciate it because this is my first draft and I would like some feedback, especially on the grammar (really paranoid bout that). Thank you!

Prompt:In 150 words or fewer, please briefly describe which single activity listed in the Activity section of your application are you most proud of and why?

Having participated in a myriad of activities in high school, I am perhaps still most proud of my very first one: serving as a teen mentor at the local community school. Why? The reason is that the experiences I gained as a teen mentor have allowed me to become the difference maker I am today. Raised in a rather sheltered environment, I was accustomed to relying entirely upon my parents for everything. However, when I began my role as a teen mentor, I was forced to step out of my comfort zone. Suddenly, not only did I have to take care of myself, but also there were now others who had to depend on me. I was to be their role-model now. The various difficulties I learned to overcome in my unfamiliar position have engraved me into someone with perseverance, determination, and most importantly, a passion for helping others.

Undergraduate / "Why Columbia" essay - prestigious Ivy League reputation and enviable location in New York City [2]

Hi guys, thanks for the providing feedback on my last thread. This is my first draft (I know got to haul ***) of the Why Columbia essay. Please note I only had 300 words to work with.

Prompt: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why. (300 words or less)

For any prospective applicant, Columbia University's prestigious Ivy League reputation and enviable location in New York City are no doubt incredibly appealing. However, none of those are my reasons for being so motivated to attend the school. A firm believer in a practical education, I crave the opportunity to apply my knowledge in the context of solving real-world problems. Given how Columbia's strong emphasis on innovation to positively impact society has led to discoveries such as the FM Radio and the optical recognition machine, I am confident the university will offer the perfect environment for me to reach my full potential as an engineer.

Furthermore, I am particularly intrigued by how entrepreneurship is uniquely embedded as a central theme within Columbia Engineering's curriculum. Having been selected to attend Shad Valley - a summer enrichment program in STEM and Business - this past summer, I have already witnessed a preview of the potent integration between engineering innovation and engaged entrepreneurship. Now I am ready to take the next step and join a dynamic community of world-renowned professors and other highly motivated peers driving such kind of integration. For instance, I can already envision myself spending the four best years of my life alongside the brightest minds from across globe and pitching our ideas together at the Columbia Venture Competition.

My determination to constantly improve myself is what comprises my identity. From undertaking the most rigorous schedule in high school to winning at the regional science fair, I have prepared myself well academically. From asserting myself as a leader at school, to serving as a positive influence in my community, I have grown into a person who is passionate about making a difference. Whether it is pursuing my intellectual interests or mentoring high school students in NYC, the possibilities for me at Columbia abound.

Thanks for reading. I anticipate your feedback!