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Posts by shealeear8
Name: Ahran
Joined: Dec 29, 2015
Last Post: Jan 15, 2016
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America
School: Northview High School

Displayed posts: 4
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shealeear8   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / It would be safe to say that I love film. Common App Essay- Meaningful talent/interest/identity [3]

Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (650 word limit)

My essay:
The lights dim. One hundred and twenty pairs of curious eyes swivel to the screen as the camera pans to the left at a low angle capturing a room dimly lit by the soft blue glow of a computer screen. A scrunched face of a teenaged girl is fixated on the screen that glares back at her with equal disdain. A velvety voice (preferably Morgan Freeman's) seeps from the speakers and begins to narrate the story. Here, we have a special specimen called the high school senior. These irritable creatures sleep from as little as four to six hours a day and are prone to a disease known to many as "senioritis". This one in particular is engaged in a strenuous activity called college applications. The girl puts her face in her hands and sighs. Obviously stressed and under duress, this female will now attempt the arguably most difficult and longest act of the dreaded college application; the essay. The camera slowly circles around the girl until it is behind her and zooms into the light emanating from the laptop.

Black letters hug the screen, contrasting the blinding white of the background. The lenses focus in. It reads: "Film, cinema, movies, all these words mean one thing to me, and that is art. Living breathing moving art, so ingeniously intertwined with the artistry and guidance of brilliant directors and expression of talented actors. When done right and carefully planned, cinematic masterpieces are born.

It would be safe to say that I love film. Days of my life have been spent, not wasted, on simply watching and analyzing film. The stories, the imagination, the reality all blend together and it becomes part of who I am; each movie is ingrained into my memory. Cinema takes the profound dialogue in literature, the imagery and beauty of visual art, and the passion from music wrapping it all into one luscious symphony.

Movies are windows into worlds that never existed, but yet very revealing of the time period they were made in. They are historical snap shots that are forever imprinted into the memories of those who have watched them; telltales of the times that were, the times that could have been, and the times that were imagined. The feeling of being completely immersed in something you love is indescribable.

However, the most important reason why I love movies is because they represent who I am and my personality more than any other form of art. The first words ever synchronized in a motion picture were "Wait a minute, wait a minute, you ain't seen nothin' yet!" Although it was completely ad-libbed, it is such an iconic and a perfect way to mark the beginning of film. Few would have predicted the impact movies would have culturally, artistically, and politically. Just as the same, no one realizes what I truly am like until they take the time to "watch" me. As there is much more to movies than just big explosions and special effects on a screen, it is the same with me. An important goal I hold for myself is to influence everyone who has ever met me and show them the passion and joys in life. I want to be for people what movies have been for me; a constant eye-opening experience. This is who I am. So watch me." The camera slowly zooms out but still focuses on the last words. The girl sighs, stretches her arms above her head and yawns. The send button seems to get bigger and bigger. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. The cursor reluctantly slides over and clicks. It is done, the velvety voice sighs, now we wait . The ambient noise in the background is replaced by the growing sound of a nervously beating heart. As she slowly closes the lid of her laptop, the light fades to black. The beating continues and suddenly stops.
shealeear8   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Beatbox Music Making-Common App Main Essay (Background/identity/interest) [4]

Good job :) You have a good purpose to your essay and it is well written. I like the correlation you made to beatboxing being like your third language. I can actually really relate to this because my older brother is also an avid beatboxer and performs with an acapella group in college. Plus I'm also Korean. I have a couple comments and edits though.

"All those practice hours in the basement" is a little awkward so I'd change it to "all those hours of practice in the basement". "I run on to the stage..." should be "onto" as in one word. The intro is different but it doesn't grab my attention as I feel like an intro should. It works with the essay but it can be improved. Maybe focus more on details and imagery rather than writing out your thought process. It seems almost too informal, but then again.. it is a personal essay that showcases you and your personality. Don't change it if you like it and you feel it shows your best self though. I'm just giving you my (very unprofessional) advice.

When I was old enough to realize that erratically banging chopsticks ...
This second paragraph is a little weak as the wording isn't quite strong a little bit awkward. I understand the point being made, but the quote from Caillou is a little off putting. The first sentence needs to be revised though. Maybe change the syntax of the sentence.

The rest of your essay is stronger and the purpose is clearer. Just the first half that needs a little tweaking :) Overall though, your chosen essay topic is one that is used a lot and I would have advised against this style, but your interest is unique which inevitably redeems the essay and allows you to properly express yourself in a different way.

Feel free to read my essay as well. I did the same prompt and submitted it already to a couple colleges for early action. I got accepted
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