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Posts by haleyaxelle
Name: Haley Bloodwell
Joined: Jan 29, 2016
Last Post: Feb 2, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States
School: Eastern Maine Community College

Displayed posts: 5
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haleyaxelle   
Jan 30, 2016
Undergraduate / Emerson Transfer Essay! If you were to write a story of your life, what would you title it and why? [5]

Hello! I'm looking for lots of feedback on this essay for my Emerson College transfer application. I'm not much of a writer, which I'm sure is apparent, so I'd like feedback, anything from grammar to content. Thank you!

Essay question: If you were to write a story about your life, what would you title it and why? (100-200 words)

Nobody Knows Who I Am, and Neither Do I! Since I was old enough to understand the simple phrase "just be yourself." I've been trying to answer the question; well who am I? I've been through an absurd amount of phases. From when I all but convinced myself that I could become a pro tennis player, to that regrettable year in middle school where I layered my jet black, box-dyed hair and wore a fake lip ring because that was the "real me" and no one was going to tell me otherwise. The truth is, I still struggle with answering that question and I probably will for a long time. Sure, I've had experiences that have ultimately shaped my personality, and I know what I want and who I don't aspire to be, but I'm not ready to boil my whole identity down to a single phrase just yet. When I figure it out, I'll be more than happy to scream it from the mountaintops, but until then I've got a lot of self-exploration to do.
haleyaxelle   
Jan 31, 2016
Undergraduate / Emerson Transfer Essay! If you were to write a story of your life, what would you title it and why? [5]

Thank you so much, I definitely see where you're coming from! So I reworked the essay and the title a bit, please let me know if it sounds better (or worse), I took your advice and wrote about the person I want to be so I'm hoping it comes across authentically. I do feel to add something before the last sentence so it flows better. Thoughts?

Nobody Knew Who I Was, and Neither Did I!. Since I was old enough to understand the simple phrase "just be yourself." I've been trying to answer the question; well who am I? I've been through an absurd amount of phases. From when I all but convinced myself that I could become a pro tennis player, to that regrettable year in middle school where I layered my jet black, box-dyed hair and wore a fake lip ring because that was the "real me" and no one was going to tell me otherwise. For years, I was preoccupied, tirelessly searching for the pieces of my personal identity I thought were missing and hiding behind temporary facades, but now it's clear that I'm responsible for creating the person I aspire to be. I will be tenacious, compassionate, and balanced. I am not someone who was meant to sit on my hands and watch everyone else seek out wonders, or swallow my words due to fear. I may not have known who I was then, but I most certainly know who I'm going to be.
haleyaxelle   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / High-rise apartment, the cause of community spirit decreasing - IELTS 2 [3]

I think this sounds great! Perhaps instead of the sentence "The short distance between rooms makes them easier to see and know each other" it sounds a little awkward as is, maybe try something like "The short distance between rooms allows the tenants to get to know each other."

Just a suggestion, overall I think your argument is clear and well put. :)
haleyaxelle   
Feb 2, 2016
Undergraduate / "best careers for INFJ's" - Common App Transfer Essay: Personal Statement [6]

Hello! I'd appreciate some feedback on the content and grammar of my personal statement for my Common App Transfer application. I'm having trouble ending the essay, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, thank you! :)

Prompt: Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source.(250-650 words)

I spent my senior year of high school googling phrases like "best careers for INFJ's" and taking every online career quiz that popped up; still unsure about what I wanted to study and not interested in taking a gap year, I decided to enroll at [ _________ College] and major in liberal studies. A few months into my freshman year at [ ____ ], I heard about the success that my six-year-old cousin was having in his speech therapy sessions and decided to do some research. As I delved deeper into the world of speech-language pathology, I became intrigued and wanted to shadow an SLP working in my local school system.

For an entire day, I was lucky enough to sit in on about ten sessions and observe as she taught them how to shape their lips and place their tongues in ways that would enhance articulation and implement creative, yet educational activities that kept them focused and excited about the lesson. Later that day when I left the elementary school I couldn't help but think about how badly I wanted to help children gain the ability to have successful conversations and social interactions that would benefit their everyday life and positively impact their future.

Upon returning to [ ____ ], I began to realize that they didn't offer the program necessary to fulfill my professional aspirations. I don't regret the time that I've spent at [ ____ ]. I've had the privilege to learn from extraordinary professors and developed self-discipline, a quality that was admittedly absent in high school. I know that before my time at [ ____ ] I would have lacked the necessary persistence required to be a successful full-time student during the day and going to work at night. I've adapted well at [ ____ ], and I could stay here and obtain a degree, but I know I would be missing out on the opportunity to take courses specific to my major and interests. Despite my reason for transferring being almost entirely academic, I'm excited to be on a new campus, that's inclusive and effervescent with comradery and school pride while meeting new people. It's important to me to attend an institution where people are equally as zealous about their passions and studies as I am. I'm prepared to dive head first into a new environment; I know that I could truly blossom at [ _____ College], socially and academically.
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