alyse
Aug 4, 2009
Undergraduate / "Lights, Camera, Action" - edit this admission essay for content, grammar [4]
Hi Can someone please edit this admission essay for content, grammar and cohesiveness. The prompt is:
Considering your strengths, talents, and interests, why do you wish to attend...., Many thanks
Lights, Camera, Action...The lights were blaring in an array of bright colors; apple red, sunny yellow, leprechaun green, and the bright shinny blinding spotlight was in center position. Fade in.
I am sitting and pondering my next move, thinking can I really do this. Coming forward, the director sits down and whispers are you ready for an acting and singing adventure of a lifetime. It will be the most uplifting one yet. For if you can dare to dream, as I can, the imagination is an amazing place and anything is possible.
I zealously say, "YES!" Fade out.
There I was sitting at the huge conference roundtable, listening to corporate CEOs discussing new plans for their clients and products. I sat there flushed with fear as I was asked questions about their businesses and products. Everyone listened, and at that point I was more than just an intern, I was in- in the corporate executive circle. It was the most inspirational moment of my life, my dream come true.
I have been acting for my whole life but realistically speaking I have only performed for five of those years. Each performance is relentless, waiting those final minutes brings on an intensive fear of becoming "all choked up" which overwhelms my entire body. I feel the blackness of night as though it could happen at any moment of the performance and that embarrassment scares me more than anything in the world. And so it has happened... I have made mistakes, but I have forged ahead and learned that my craft is not perfect. But it will not stop me from persevering through each performance.
Not being ashamed of my weakness, I am envisioning myself as an advertising executive that gives me the power to demonstrate my passion for acting and singing. I was excited to be interning at ... Corporation but my anticipation was getting the best of me because the truth was, I had no idea what I was doing nor expected to do being the only high school intern to assist with other groups of college interns. My acting ability served me well in this instance; I mentally prepared myself to perform whatever task was put forth. By the time I made it to my second rotation out of eight, I got the hang of the .. Corporation philosophy. Everyone I met, whether overbearing, bossy, dedicated or friendly, made me understand that as an intern the expectations are the same as if I were apart of the executive circle. So I continued to persevere and completed the rotations with more knowledge and inspiration. I found that acting and the world of advertising are similar. To move a product for a client, the firm has to conjure up a script to perform for the product to sell just as I read lines to sell my character actions for the plot of the show or sing with emotion as the song needs to be heard.
Of the many things I learned by the time my internship days were ending, the most enlightening was my drive to focus on any objective that I was given. I figured out what drew me to this internship, which is my ability to perform my craft and engage my passion to be in front of an audience. Showing off my charismatic attitude and personality is what draws people to buy into my passion or for the future product that needs to be sold. This I can do and did. My radio spot and copy ad for Lennar Homes was a hit, just as my performance in "The Wizard of Oz" and even singing for the High School Broadway Showcase show.
The ironic part about interning was that while all my friends were making money, I made none. I didn't feel bad. Instead, I earned experience that shaped my passion for acting and singing and provided me with an absolute enthusiasm for the advertising world. It is utterly amazing that such an opportunity was given to me. This was a challenge that changed me. It gave me an inner strength that will prepare me for whatever task is put forth in my game of life. Any weakness can be conquered as I draw upon the wisdom and knowledge I learned from my summer internship. This was a life experience that I believe I will use in my future college classes at the University of ... Essentially, I can communicate my passion and dare to dream that anything is possible. I want to spark people to the core in ways that will outshine any of my performances and be an inspiration for the next one. This is why it is my hope that as a son of an alumni and sibling to a future 2013 University of ...graduate, I will be able to have that chance and be a member of the University of ... Arts and Sciences College class of 2016.
Hi Can someone please edit this admission essay for content, grammar and cohesiveness. The prompt is:
Considering your strengths, talents, and interests, why do you wish to attend...., Many thanks
Lights, Camera, Action...The lights were blaring in an array of bright colors; apple red, sunny yellow, leprechaun green, and the bright shinny blinding spotlight was in center position. Fade in.
I am sitting and pondering my next move, thinking can I really do this. Coming forward, the director sits down and whispers are you ready for an acting and singing adventure of a lifetime. It will be the most uplifting one yet. For if you can dare to dream, as I can, the imagination is an amazing place and anything is possible.
I zealously say, "YES!" Fade out.
There I was sitting at the huge conference roundtable, listening to corporate CEOs discussing new plans for their clients and products. I sat there flushed with fear as I was asked questions about their businesses and products. Everyone listened, and at that point I was more than just an intern, I was in- in the corporate executive circle. It was the most inspirational moment of my life, my dream come true.
I have been acting for my whole life but realistically speaking I have only performed for five of those years. Each performance is relentless, waiting those final minutes brings on an intensive fear of becoming "all choked up" which overwhelms my entire body. I feel the blackness of night as though it could happen at any moment of the performance and that embarrassment scares me more than anything in the world. And so it has happened... I have made mistakes, but I have forged ahead and learned that my craft is not perfect. But it will not stop me from persevering through each performance.
Not being ashamed of my weakness, I am envisioning myself as an advertising executive that gives me the power to demonstrate my passion for acting and singing. I was excited to be interning at ... Corporation but my anticipation was getting the best of me because the truth was, I had no idea what I was doing nor expected to do being the only high school intern to assist with other groups of college interns. My acting ability served me well in this instance; I mentally prepared myself to perform whatever task was put forth. By the time I made it to my second rotation out of eight, I got the hang of the .. Corporation philosophy. Everyone I met, whether overbearing, bossy, dedicated or friendly, made me understand that as an intern the expectations are the same as if I were apart of the executive circle. So I continued to persevere and completed the rotations with more knowledge and inspiration. I found that acting and the world of advertising are similar. To move a product for a client, the firm has to conjure up a script to perform for the product to sell just as I read lines to sell my character actions for the plot of the show or sing with emotion as the song needs to be heard.
Of the many things I learned by the time my internship days were ending, the most enlightening was my drive to focus on any objective that I was given. I figured out what drew me to this internship, which is my ability to perform my craft and engage my passion to be in front of an audience. Showing off my charismatic attitude and personality is what draws people to buy into my passion or for the future product that needs to be sold. This I can do and did. My radio spot and copy ad for Lennar Homes was a hit, just as my performance in "The Wizard of Oz" and even singing for the High School Broadway Showcase show.
The ironic part about interning was that while all my friends were making money, I made none. I didn't feel bad. Instead, I earned experience that shaped my passion for acting and singing and provided me with an absolute enthusiasm for the advertising world. It is utterly amazing that such an opportunity was given to me. This was a challenge that changed me. It gave me an inner strength that will prepare me for whatever task is put forth in my game of life. Any weakness can be conquered as I draw upon the wisdom and knowledge I learned from my summer internship. This was a life experience that I believe I will use in my future college classes at the University of ... Essentially, I can communicate my passion and dare to dream that anything is possible. I want to spark people to the core in ways that will outshine any of my performances and be an inspiration for the next one. This is why it is my hope that as a son of an alumni and sibling to a future 2013 University of ...graduate, I will be able to have that chance and be a member of the University of ... Arts and Sciences College class of 2016.