Posts by Ext7484

Ext7484

May 22, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 (Practice) - Having Enjoyable Life or Earning Much Money, Which One Do You Prefer? [2]

... good life will be determined by the ~~quantity~~ amounts of money ~~that people~~ they earn ~~through a fine job~~ .

They will seek for a job that meets their interests in order to gain satisfaction.
... that allow them to keep doing their ~~such~~ favorable things, such as enjoying their hobbies, exercising (...) friend, up-dating (updating?) in social media , traveling, and ...
... including the amount of salary ~~that~~ they will get.

Salary or money in general,(missing comma) is the source for living. Everything needs money (to buy), and people need things (to live in).

Therefore, the more money the people earn , the more qualified things that they ...

In conclusion, ~~it is evident that~~ although money is not as more ...

Note: i think you use a lot of "that" to connect your idea. i know you want to make your paper as specific as you can. I also have this problem in my paper. I was told to use one idea at a time in each sentence. For example, I drink a cup of coffee from a green cup that I get from a cabinet which is under the sink. This sentence is too specific and provides unnecessary information in one sentence. Instead, i will put them in two different sentences. For example, I drink ~~a cup of~~ coffee from a green cup. I get that cup from a cabinet under the sink. I might be wrong, but I am always told to do it this way.

Ext7484

May 22, 2016

Writing Feedback / Technology is very much a part of modern life. Check usage, structure and convention (Cbest writing) [2]

Technology is very much a part of modern life. Many people see technology as a force that has escaped from human control. Others feel that technology has improved the quality of life. Do you think that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive or negative? State your position on this issue and support it with appropriate examples.

I believe that contribution the technologies made to modern life have been positive because they connect humans from around the world. Some believe that technologies have escaped humans' control as they damage the environment. On the other hand, technologies have created a better place for humans to live in.

Thus, I believe that the technologies have been positive to modern life. They connect people from around the world using modern communication devices, such as internet, cell phone, and social media. These devices also allow people to talk face to face, although they are at different places. This is very helpful for those that live far away from their families.

For example, I used to feel lonely and homesick because I was away from my families. Although my parents called me once a week by phone, I still felt sad because I was unable to see their faces. But now, the new modern communication devices, such as Skype, Lines and so on have allowed us to see each other through a video call. In other words, these new technologies have brought me closer to my family, even though we are physically away from each other.

In conclusion, technologies are created to improve humans' life. Technologies help humans with their works, and they have been important keys in humans' civilization. That is why I believe that technologies have contributed positively to modern life because they are able to connect humans from around the world.

Note: This is the best i can do in 30 minutes with extra 10 minutes to proofread. I followed the format from the Cbest essay sample. Please give me feedbacks regarding the usage, structure and convention issues. Thank you