JayR
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / GRE argument writing issue - censoring internet at workplace [4]
The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
...
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this memorandum, the author argues that Climpson Industries should impelement electronic tools for monitoring employees' internet use to improve productivity. Although the argument may seem convincing at first, the lack of evidence made me doubt the validity of the argument.
First, the author needs to provide solid evidence whether it is possible to tell which activies are for personal/recreational purpose or not by monitoring. It is also likely that the employees visit websites, even though they don't look relative with the work, to get some information for their duties at work. Also it is possible that they just visit shopping sites to buy something needed in the office.
Furthermore, the author needs to supplement the argument with concrete evidence that shows the time used for internet is the main reason for derease of productivity. The author believes that the longer the employee works, the productivity would be higher. But there are many know research results that shows the productivity would be increased when the worker is given some time for refreshing during worktime. Also, there are many other factors affecting productivity, like time-consuming meetings and unfavorable work atmosphere that the monitoring would make.
Lastly, more specific evidence should be shown to prove the adopting monitoring will bring the profic as suggested. To monitor the internet use, Climps Industries needs to buy the tool and hgher new employee to manage the tool and monitor the employees' internet use. It could be possible that the expenses overweigh the income which is expected with monitoring. Without taking into consideration the cost for the tool and salary to new employee, the author cannot deduce that Climps will profit by monitoring the employees' internet use. Thus, we cannot take the conclusion that profit would increase at face value.
In summary, the author's conclusion is unconvinsing. To strengthen the argument, the author needs to rule out other factors that can influence the productivity and give more verified information on the cost and projected expectation income with adopting the monitoring process.
The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
...
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this memorandum, the author argues that Climpson Industries should impelement electronic tools for monitoring employees' internet use to improve productivity. Although the argument may seem convincing at first, the lack of evidence made me doubt the validity of the argument.
First, the author needs to provide solid evidence whether it is possible to tell which activies are for personal/recreational purpose or not by monitoring. It is also likely that the employees visit websites, even though they don't look relative with the work, to get some information for their duties at work. Also it is possible that they just visit shopping sites to buy something needed in the office.
Furthermore, the author needs to supplement the argument with concrete evidence that shows the time used for internet is the main reason for derease of productivity. The author believes that the longer the employee works, the productivity would be higher. But there are many know research results that shows the productivity would be increased when the worker is given some time for refreshing during worktime. Also, there are many other factors affecting productivity, like time-consuming meetings and unfavorable work atmosphere that the monitoring would make.
Lastly, more specific evidence should be shown to prove the adopting monitoring will bring the profic as suggested. To monitor the internet use, Climps Industries needs to buy the tool and hgher new employee to manage the tool and monitor the employees' internet use. It could be possible that the expenses overweigh the income which is expected with monitoring. Without taking into consideration the cost for the tool and salary to new employee, the author cannot deduce that Climps will profit by monitoring the employees' internet use. Thus, we cannot take the conclusion that profit would increase at face value.
In summary, the author's conclusion is unconvinsing. To strengthen the argument, the author needs to rule out other factors that can influence the productivity and give more verified information on the cost and projected expectation income with adopting the monitoring process.