Posts by chav

chav

Dec 15, 2016

Graduate / Tell us why you're here...and where you plan to go. Personal Statement for MAC program at UNC [8]

@sunjiayun

Your statement is quite generic in that you can replace "UNC" with the name of any other school of similar rank and it would still work. Your statement will strengthen if you would just try to find out more how the UNC program differs from the rest --- not only about rank and how "prestigious" it is, but something more specific and concrete --- and see how you can incorporate this information into the essay with respect to the guide questions so that it reads and feels like you really want to get into THIS school, and not read like you simply submit the same essay to ten schools with only the name replaced.

chav

Dec 4, 2016

Writing Feedback / English Essay: Persuasive Essay on Lying [4]

@linrose

You said "telling a lie to save a life is also acceptable." I agree with this, but I feel the example you gave is fraught with pitfalls.

In the example that follows you wrote "For example, in a medical situation where a patient enters ... "

First of all, in principle patients should not be lied to and should be given all the facts for them to make their own decisions. Survival rates are important facts that underpin important medical decisions and they should not be treated lightly. It's the doctor's duty to tell patients the truth. For the doctor to lie in order to "push the patient to fight for his life" is morally wrong, not to mention law-breaking.

There may be cases where lies are acceptable, such as when operation is the only way to save the patient's life and the patient is not capable of thinking clearly. Still, in those cases, the lying should come from someone else, such as relatives, not the doctor.

Another acceptable scenario is when the lie is told not during the decision process but rather when the operation is already decided and must go ahead no matter what. At this point, it's probably okay to lie if only to give the patients some hope and lift their spirits instead of having them going into surgery depressed.

I believe you have this last scenario in mind when you wrote the sentence, but it's not clearly stated. It also bothers me that the survival rates could come into play here. When the patient is about to undertake a life-or-death operation, he or she should be well aware of survival chance. Lying about it now could leave the patient confused instead. ( "Don't worry, dear. Everything will be fine. You will come out okay" "But there's a good chance I may not survive --- the doctor said the survival rate is only 10%" "No, he was mistaken. It is over 80%. He just told me this morning." "...")

Perhaps it's better to simply cut this out and instead add more to the second example (in the case of war), which is on solid ground and will benefit from more details.

chav

Nov 21, 2016

Writing Feedback / Donald Trump's Team Won't 'Rule Out' and not Planning to Create a Muslim Registry [5]

Here is my rewrite of the first sentence based on my own understanding/guess:

"The establishing of registry based on religion, particularly Muslim, wouldn't go to ..."
---->
"Donald Trump's team neither rules out nor confirms the establishment of registry based on religion, particularly Muslim, but they say that people who have radicalized will be prevented from coming into the U.S."

chav

Nov 21, 2016

Writing Feedback / Donald Trump's Team Won't 'Rule Out' and not Planning to Create a Muslim Registry [5]

"but the Donald Trump's team will say to ..."
--->
"but the Donald Trump's team say people who have radicalized will be prevented from coming into the U.S."

The writing is so confusing I couldn't even make sense, let alone fixing it (e.g."wouldn't go to rule out and not planning on it too" --- make no sense to me).

chav

Nov 19, 2016

Writing Feedback / Drunk drivers should be imprisoned on the first offense. [5]

I think I just spot one mistake myself, "live" in "save just one live" should be "life" (is this right?)

@sinahector

You said it should be "cause" instead of "causes". I'm not sure I agree with you since it's "one of many things" so "causes" should be plural. (can anyone confirm please)

The other two points are just a matter of style, I believe.

And thank you for you comments.

@Holt

Thank you for your encouragement and for pointing out mistakes and offering suggestion. I still need a lot of practice and it's still a long way before I can write like a native speaker. It must have taken me at least 5 hours just to write this piece.

I would appreciate if someone can point out further grammar mistake if there is more.

chav

Nov 19, 2016

Writing Feedback / Drunk drivers should be imprisoned on the first offense. [5]

Note: I'm not a student and I don't plan to take any test. I just want to practice writing. This is an essay topic I chose randomly from the internet so I can have something to write about.

chav

Nov 19, 2016

Writing Feedback / Drunk drivers should be imprisoned on the first offense. [5]

Statistic tells us drunk driving is one of the leading causes of death in traffic accidents. In many countries, driving under the influence is already punishable by fines or prison sentences. The prison terms, however, are laid out more as upper limits rather than mandatory sentencing. If imprisonment is meted out at all, it seems to occur only in egregious cases involving lost of lives. Punishing first-time offenders by imprisonment even when no accident happens may sound harsh, but given its sheer deterrence value I would err on the side of public safety: If putting them behind bar for a year or two can potentially save just one live, I would say it's worth considering.

Oftentimes people don't take seriously the peril of mixing drinking and driving together. A prison sentence for the first offense would send a strong message that the society would not tolerate behaviors that can kill. It would also be a service to those who lost their loved ones to drunk driving. I would not object to someone doing some mundane activities while intoxicated --- playing cards, watching TVs, whatever --- but to allow him or her to propel a chunk of metal weighing a ton or more at high speed would be inviting something tragic to happen. After all, drunk driving is easily preventable: do not drink when you are about to drive. Nothing more than a bit of self-control is required here. If you can't even do that and manage to get drunk while driving, you are a danger to yourself and others and you probably deserve to be in jail.

In 2015, the World Health Organization reported that drunk driving was to blame for 26 percent of traffic death in Thailand even though the law stipulates a 60,000 Baht fine or a 6-month prison sentence or both for drunk drivers. I don't know how often the jail time is handed out, but the 26 per cent rate suggests that the fine didn't work and the prison sentence was merely an empty threat. Unless imprisonment is given heft, drunk driving will continue to be a main factor in road deaths.