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Posts by kdm504
Joined: Aug 18, 2009
Last Post: Sep 10, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 8  

Displayed posts: 9
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kdm504   
Sep 10, 2009
Graduate / 'Life without light, gas, food..' - diversity statement for law school [7]

I don't believe I gave bad advice. In fact, Draft 2 seems to satisfy all the suggestions I made. After reading it, I feel like I know about you and your background, the impact it has made on you, and how you will help diversify the classroom with all you bring to the table.

As a Black woman, I would never tell another to omit or downplay their background - whatever it may be. I just felt you could have expressed it more effectively. And you definitely did in Draft 2. Great job!
kdm504   
Sep 9, 2009
Graduate / 'Life without light, gas, food..' - diversity statement for law school [7]

I am sure the details of your life and the "trials and tribulations" you endured have made you the woman you are today - but the essay, as is, does not really state how.

I feel like I know more about your family members than you.

You didnt specify what the school is requesting you to write about regarding diversity. In this case you could start by thinking about what diversity means to you, not Webster. Maybe include info that shows a connection between diversity and your life, race, sex, etc. and describe the impact it made on you.

You mentioned "experiences and [a] unique perspective" that you'd bring to the school - what are they?
kdm504   
Aug 26, 2009
Graduate / PhD - Social Work Research [13]

I was trying to say that those are the more common negative effects of an inadequate education. I can re-word to make it more clear.

As always, your feedback is appreciated.
kdm504   
Aug 25, 2009
Graduate / PhD - Social Work Research [13]

Thanks, Simone! I wanted to add more about how my military experience affected me, but was unsure if it would be too personal. Your suggestions are appreciated.
kdm504   
Aug 24, 2009
Graduate / PhD - Social Work Research [13]

social work 2

Revised this essay to more closely follow school's guidelines. All feedback is appreciated.

-influences that led to PhD
-why this particular school; fit b/w plans and school mission/goals
-social problem or area of interest
- how a PhD will help me achieve my career goals
-special skills/abilities, strengths/limitations
-how said abilities will contribute to my development as a SW researcher

My introduction to the field of social work was not a pleasant one. Growing up, social workers and counselors were a constant in our household. I remember always feeling like they weren't doing enough to address my family's needs. My siblings and I would often discuss our disappointment with the current services with statements that began, "If I were a social worker, I would..." Those conversations and feelings of dissatisfaction with social work stayed with me through high school, which is when I changed my career choice from lawyer to social worker. I wanted to do all I believed my family's social workers hadn't done to improve the lives of others.

As an undergraduate, I majored in sociology with a psychology minor. With no footsteps in which to follow, I had to discern the complex college system on my own. The most difficult aspect of college life that initial semester was the coursework. My grades declined, but I was not deterred. I knew my academic success rested with me and would require increased effort on my part. I was up for the challenge and began to blaze my own trail.

To help pay for my college expenses, I decided to join the National Guard. In addition to funding, I gained unique experiences, coexisting with individuals from different backgrounds, working cooperatively to achieve a common goal. The military also provided me the opportunity to simultaneously pursue a degree in business. With determination and hard work, I was successful, professionally and academically.

My immediate plans for graduate school were put on hold when only days before my graduation, I was called to active duty. My unit spent the next 14 months at war in Balad, Iraq. Upon my return home, graduate school was again delayed as my unit was called to serve in response to Hurricane Katrina. By the time I started graduate school at [ ], my contract with the Army had expired and I could focus on my studies without the looming threat of deployment. Each day of class during graduate study at [ ] reaffirmed my desire to be a social worker and my commitment to the profession. I thoroughly enjoyed learning about the origins of social work, the evolution of social policies, and eagerly anticipated utilizing the theories and interventions discussed in the classroom at my internships.

I acquired research experience through the various coursework in which I developed research proposals, collected and interpreted data using SPSS, and reported my findings. I completed a service-learning project which focused on increasing program effectiveness by collecting data utilizing a combination of interviews and surveys and an extensive literature review on program effectiveness. With the findings, I created a guide intended to improve the effectiveness and outcomes of the various programs offered at the agency where I interned.

Group research included a collaborative effort with a professor and fellow graduate students to complete another service learning project in which we designed and implemented a quantitative survey assessing the quality of life among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) individuals living in the community. I was also involved in recruiting participants, analyzing the data, and presenting our findings to a community partner. As a graduate assistant for two professors, I performed data entry and analysis, completed literature reviews, and reported findings. Specifically, I assisted with work on the Poverty Initiative which aims to alleviate poverty in the mid-south region. I was responsible for updating and maintaining multiple spreadsheets containing Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) policy data from The Urban Institute, Welfare Rules Database.

My leadership skills also blossomed while in graduate school. During my first year, I became involved in the Student Chapter of the National Association of Black Social Workers. As Vice-President, I was instrumental in recruitment efforts and community outreach. The following year as President, I expanded upon prior efforts by extending membership to all students, increasing social activities and fundraising, and collaborating with other social work organizations to allay the evident racial tension within the school. For example, in honor of Black History Month, I gave a presentation to the Social Work Student Association on African American (AA) Social Workers who made major contributions to the profession. I also organized and co-facilitated a diversity forum to discuss modern-day racism, specifically what became known as the 'Jena Six' case. As a member of the Black Graduate and Professional Student Association, I was able to extend my network to include persons from other disciplines and further hone my leadership and professional skills by serving on multiple committees within the organization. As a leader, the satisfaction I garnered from taking initiative, responsibility and committing to a job well done was enhanced.

Upon completion of my Master's degree, I was eager to begin my career and utilize the knowledge and skills I had acquired in graduate school. I accepted a position at a mental health clinic counseling children and adolescents with mental, emotional, and behavioral issues, and their families.

In addition to counseling families, I, along with the only other Family Preservation Program (FPP) social worker, was tasked by my supervisor to, in essence, recreate the program. The FPP had been only sporadically staffed and lacked specific, concrete guidelines. With little from which to start, we developed program policies and procedures, from the initial referral to a follow-up survey in which families indicate their level of satisfaction with the services received. The changes were approved and presented to staff during a clinical development meeting. Management, pleased with our work in the FPP, then asked us to create or improve upon, and facilitate, other clinic components including a formal weekly presentation orienting new clients to the clinic, and an ongoing, two-series parent training workshop.

Early on, I recognized a trend among my clients: most, if not all, had been kept back or failed a grade prior to high school. This was quite alarming to me. I realize that a mental illness can negatively affect a child's schooling, and extended my services to include collaborating with teachers and school social workers in an effort to increase my clients' academic outcomes. While the counseling aspect of my job is rewarding, I find that I am most satisfied when involved in program development or facilitating workshops in the clinic. I especially enjoy working with other professionals to create effective plans of action to improve my clients' success in school.

As the first college graduate of a nontraditional, low-income family from[ ], I know all too well the long-lasting, negative effects of an insufficient education, more commonly, teen pregnancy, substance abuse, and chronic poverty. Through my experience in a substandard public school system, I realize that outcomes can be grim for those lacking education and who are ill-prepared for life's many challenges. Unquestionably, learning and knowledge bring about access and opportunity, which greatly increase one's life choices and chances. This compels me to be more involved in improving our country's educational system.

I am most interested in urban education and investigating factors that influence AA student achievement, particularly, parental involvement, socioeconomic status, cultural competency in the classroom and AA families. By studying the various factors that affect student success, I want to identify areas for improvement and explore more effective and innovative ways to close the achievement gap and ensure AA youth are adequately educated. Until students' achievement levels parallel their life ambitions, more research and other proactive measures are necessary to reform education in America.

I desire a career where I can help a large number of people and be continuously challenged and motivated to improve. I believe that the values, discipline, and work ethic instilled in me as a result of my education and professional and life experiences, have adequately prepared me for doctoral studies. Acquiring my PhD will allow me to develop my analytical and research skills by obtaining substantive, methodological training. My goal is to conduct research and disseminate knowledge that will further the social work profession as a professor or researcher for a social welfare institution. Through my research, I want to identify new approaches to increase the graduation rates of AA youth, develop programs that support students' learning and growth, and contribute to social and educational policies and practices, specifically as they relate to urban youth.

The University of Pittsburgh's emphasis on and commitment to, diversity and racial and economic equality are of utmost importance to me. I am excited about the research initiatives and opportunities at the Center on Race and Social Problems, specifically as they relate to addressing educational disparities. My interests are closely related to Dr. Elliot's work on race and children's academic outcomes. I would also be interested in working with Dr. Wallace and the Comm-Univer-City of Pittsburgh Project and Dr. Bangs whose research aims to improve AA high school achievement. For these reasons and more, the School of Social Work is an ideal place for me to continue my education. It is my hope that as I embark upon this next phase of my journey, you will allow me to do so at your prestigious program.
kdm504   
Aug 24, 2009
Scholarship / "Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th." Rhodes Scholarship Essay [7]

I agree with Sean. Your essay didn't seem to flow. Also, I understand that English may not be your first language, but I found the essay a bit dificult to read because of the numerous grammatical errors. I would suggest maybe having someone more fluent in English go through each sentence with you, correcting as needed.
kdm504   
Aug 18, 2009
Graduate / PhD - Social Work Research [13]

Please review my SOP. Any constructive feedback is appreciated. Thank you in advance. kdm

3-4 pages to include:
-influences that led to PhD
-why this particular school; fit b/w plans and school mission/goals
-social problem or area of interest
-how a PhD will help me achieve my career goals
-special skills/abilities, strengths/limitations
-how said abilities will contribute to my development as a SW researcher


Social Work Research



Eager to start my undergraduate career, I could hardly contain my fear and excitement. During my first semester of college, I made my first 'D'. I then realized how unprepared I was to meet the demands of the university. Instinctively, I turned to my father's words for encouragement.

My most vivid memories as a child involve lying for hours opposite from my father on our sofa reading books. "Never stop reading. Read everything. That is how you will succeed," he said to me one day. The deliberateness of his tone made me know I was to always remember those words.

My father's untimely death occurred when I was only 11 years old, but my memories of our special times together, and his instruction to never cease reading, remain implanted in my mind. I recall being deeply engrossed in my books, lost somewhere between reality and the world in which the characters dwelled. What began as a way to spend quality time with my father, emerged into an adoration and enthusiasm for books, reading, and learning.

The pleasure I derive from learning new information has made it easier for me to heed my father's words, which I broadened to include any endeavor I set out to accomplish. My quest for knowledge fuels my desire to further my education through doctoral studies. It has allowed me to break familial cycles, including teen pregnancy and dropping out of high school. My resolve and determination to achieve my father's goals for me, while setting new educational standards for my family, has led me on a journey of learning and self discovery which only intensified when I walked onto the University

[ ] campus as a freshman.

Freshman year proved to be complicated. With no footsteps in which to follow, I had to discern the complex college system on my own. The most difficult aspect of college life that initial semester was the coursework. My grades declined, but I was not deterred. I knew my academic success rested with me and would require increased effort on my part. I was up for the challenge and began to blaze my own trail.

During sophomore year, my life took an unexpected turn when I decided to join the military. As a member of the [ ] National Guard, I had to learn to coexist with individuals from different backgrounds, working cooperatively to achieve a common goal. My father's words of persistence helped me during physical training at the crack of dawn and while digging foxholes under the sweltering sun. The Army values which remain with me, particularly respect, selfless service, and personal courage, as well as the discipline I acquired, have proven beneficial in my personal and professional life.

These values were put to the test years later when I was ordered to active duty only days before my graduation. My journey was about to take me to another part of the world. My unit was to spend the next 14 months at war in Balad, Iraq, an unfamiliar country and culture. Prayer, discipline, and courage brought me safely through convoys on roads riddled with improvised explosive devices (IEDs) and suicide bombers. The year I spent in Iraq was the most difficult of my life - personal relationships were strained and broken, my immediate plans for graduate school were delayed, and I was pushed to my mental and physical limits. My tour in Iraq taught me the power of prayer; the value of human life; and that I am mentally and physically stronger and more capable than I ever imagined.

The joy I felt upon my safe return home from Iraq was only surpassed by my admittance into the [ ] School of Social Work. I was ready to begin the next phase of my journey. However, this excitement was short-lived. After only three days of class, Hurricane Katrina devastated the Gulf Coast and my unit was once again called to serve. Graduate school would have to wait another year as my fellow soldiers and I helped rescue residents trapped on rooftops and distribute water and food to shelters. Amidst all of the flooded homes and scattered families, my father's words resounded within me, and I knew I would find my way back to the classroom.

When I started graduate school at [ ], my contract with the Army had expired. I could focus on my studies without the looming threat of deployment. Each day of class reaffirmed my desire to be a social worker and my commitment to the profession. I thoroughly enjoyed learning about the origins of social work, the evolution of social policies, and eagerly anticipated utilizing the theories and interventions discussed in the classroom at my internships.

I acquired research experience through the various coursework at [ ] in which I developed research proposals, collected and interpreted data using SPSS, and reported my findings. I completed a service-learning project which focused on increasing program effectiveness by collecting data utilizing a combination of interviews and surveys and literature review on program effectiveness. With the findings, I created a guide for the agency where I interned. Group research included a collaborative effort with an [ ] professor and fellow graduate students to complete a service learning project in which we designed and implemented a quantitative survey assessing the quality of life among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) individuals living in the [ ] community. I was also involved in recruiting participants, analyzing the data, and presenting our findings to a community partner. As a graduate assistant for two [ ] professors, I performed data entry and analysis, completed literature reviews, and reported findings. Specifically, I assisted with work on [ ]. I was responsible for updating and maintaining multiple spreadsheets containing Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) policy data from The Urban Institute, Welfare Rules Database.

My leadership skills also blossomed while in graduate school. During my first year, I became involved in the [ ] Student Chapter of the National Association of Black Social Workers. As Vice-President, I was instrumental in recruitment efforts and community outreach. The following year as President, I expanded upon prior efforts by extending membership to all students, increasing social activities and fundraising, and collaborating with other social work organizations to allay the evident racial tension within the school. For example, in honor of Black History Month, I gave a presentation to the Social Work Student Association on African American (AA) Social Workers who made major contributions to the profession. I also organized and co-facilitated a diversity forum to discuss modern-day racism, specifically what became known as the 'Jena Six' case. As a member of the Black Graduate and Professional Student Association, I was able to extend my network to include persons from other disciplines. As a leader, the satisfaction I garnered from taking initiative, responsibility and committing to a job well done was enhanced. I was able to sharpen my professional skills and abilities which serve me well as I continue my life's journey.

As the first college graduate of a nontraditional, low-income family from [ ], I know all too well the long-lasting, negative effects of an insufficient education, more commonly, teen pregnancy, substance abuse, and chronic poverty. Through my experience in a substandard public school system, I realize that outcomes can be grim for those lacking education and who are ill-prepared for life's many challenges. My father knew this, and fortunately passed this invaluable information on to me early. Unquestionably, learning and knowledge bring about access and opportunity, which greatly increase one's life choices and chances. This compels me to be more involved in improving our country's educational system.

I am most interested in urban education and investigating factors that influence AA student achievement, particularly, parental involvement, socioeconomic status, cultural competency in the classroom and AA families. By studying the various factors that affect student success, I want to identify areas for improvement and explore more effective and innovative ways to close the achievement gap and ensure AA youth are adequately educated. Until students' achievement levels parallel their life ambitions, more research and other proactive measures are necessary to reform education in America.

The values, discipline, and motivation instilled in me as a result of my life experiences and education have adequately prepared me for doctoral studies. Acquiring my PhD will allow me to improve upon my analytical and research skills by obtaining substantive, methodological training. My goal is to conduct research and disseminate knowledge that will further the social work profession as a professor or researcher for a social welfare institution. Through my research, I want to identify new approaches to increase the graduation rates of AA youth, develop programs that support students' learning and growth, and contribute to social and educational policies and practices.

The University's [ ] emphasis on and commitment to, diversity and racial and economic equality are of utmost importance to me. I am excited about the research initiatives and opportunities at the [Research] Center, specifically as they relate to addressing educational disparities. My interests are closely related to Dr. [ ] work on race and children's academic outcomes. I would also be interested in working with Dr. [ ] and the [ ] and Dr. [ ] whose research aims to improve AA high school achievement. For these reasons and more, the School of Social Work is an ideal place for me to continue my education. It is my hope that as I embark upon this next phase of my journey, you will allow me to do so at your prestigious program.
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