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Posts by nerdella
Name: Lyndsay Mackay
Joined: Dec 10, 2016
Last Post: Dec 10, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: USA
School: Ringgold

Displayed posts: 5
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nerdella   
Dec 10, 2016
Undergraduate / This university has dedicated itself to "nurturing honest, eager, and critical minds" I can offer it [5]

@angeli6778
That's very helpful! I do unfortunately have a tendency to use a very stiff and formal speech pattern, especially when nervous and ESPECIALLY when speaking to authority figures. My friends and I have a running joke that I talk like Chris Traeger when I have an anxiety flareup. On your note to use less names and talk about meaningful contributions- do you think it would help if I used my past volunteer/performance/research/etc experiences and then talked about how I might do something similar while at Penn?
nerdella   
Dec 10, 2016
Undergraduate / This university has dedicated itself to "nurturing honest, eager, and critical minds" I can offer it [5]

How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying. (400-650 words)

A quote from the missions statement declares that the University of Pennsylvania College of Arts and Sciences has dedicated itself to "nurturing honest, eager, and critical minds." This is the kind of mind I have to offer: honestly interested in all subjects of humanities, critical of the flaws and merits of the resources offered, eager to absorb any and all new learning experiences and develop my own contributions. As a prospective English major and nonprofit worker, I first plan to take advantage of the exclusive research opportunities offered at UPenn to invigorate my academic accomplishments. I expect to take advantage of CURF programs such as Benjamin Franklin or Wharton Research Scholars to use research to educate others and expand my own knowledge of liberal arts and social issues/activism. As a student devoted to humanities, I am eager to get involved in and learn from each of the University's listed public cultural resources, from the Arthur Ross Gallery to the Penn humanities Forum. Kelly Writers House also sparks my interest as a chance to stimulate my interest and proficiency in all forms of literature. My face and name can also be expected to appear in a wide variety of workshops and contests, exploring all outlets of creativity and chances for personal growth. Like any other student, I also expect to be a frequent visitor of the University´s superior museums and library to research materials both for course studies and undergraduate research opportunities. The supplementary education opportunities at UPenn are unrivaled, particularly in relation to my intended major and career path- I do not intend to waste the opportunities provided with a UPenn education.

As a student accustomed to an overflowing but enriching schedule, there are several programs offered at UPenn I would like to explore and likely participate in to better my intellectual interests. I am thoroughly interested in pursuing involvement in the Blutt College Music Program as a vocalist, as well as taking advantage of the academic study opportunities of music offered by the Penn Arts and Sciences Music Department. The Civic House and Platt Student Performing Arts House are both relevant to my experience in and passion for performing arts and community service (along with the integration of the two as community outreach or therapy programs, which I dream of one day working in as part of a nonprofit organization). The Netter Center and Fox Leadership Program are additional organizations I plan to explore to look for more opportunities to benefit the community I hope to soon be a part of.

From a young age, my defining traits as a scholar and person have been passion and dedication. I have never been one to underestimate the power of education, and plan to keep my schedule as varied and full during college as it has been throughout my high school education. I have devoted the past 4 years of my life to literature, theatre, entrepreneurship, visual art, music, community service, exposure to social issues, and miscellaneous other interests and pursuits of skills or knowledge. The plethora of first-class education both in and outside the classroom offered at the University of Pennsylvania has not gone unnoticed or undervalued. True to the mission of the College, I plan to seek involvement in a large selection of the offered extracurriculars to ¨understand, appreciate and contribute to the achievements of the human intellect.¨
nerdella   
Dec 10, 2016
Research Papers / The debate on making Marijuana legal - the fight has begun [3]

There are a lot of simple sentences that could be combined, as well as transitional words or lists that don't have commas. Try including more sources and examples, such as which cultures or religions use marijuana, or which specific illnesses it is used to treat along with some examples and testimonies. Another tip would be to compare testimonies from states that have legalized marijuana with states who haven't, compare crime rates and how the additional tax money was used, maybe even general happiness levels (of course comparing the research from legalized states with their data from before marijuana was legalized.
nerdella   
Dec 10, 2016
Scholarship / Public health management in Karachi and in Pakistan overall, spread of dangerous diseases [5]

@nazzia30
Excellent vocabulary! I might change the last sentence of the first paragraph to include commas, as well as changing 'like' to 'such as'. Maybe some transition words could also be jazzed up, maybe use words like 'Consequentially' or 'as a result'. Other than minor aesthetic changes I think it's very well written and effectively answers the prompt.
nerdella   
Dec 10, 2016
Undergraduate / Aptly described by a friend as "tenacious", my determination and dogged devotion to any task [3]

Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extra curricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? We know nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us, or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude.

A common image guaranteed to bring a smile to a viewer's face is the classic depiction of a dog with a bone larger than its entire body clutched between its teeth or paws. Often, the dog looks proud of the gargantuan prize; sometimes, it will look wary, as if it too is unsure of how it will possibly dig into the bone that seemed easy to conquer until the moment it was obtained.

My individuality is most apparent in my resemblance to a dog with a bone it can seemingly never overcome. Aptly described by a friend as "tenacious", my determination and, if you will pardon the pun, dogged devotion to any task is routinely one of the first traits offered by friends and family when asked to describe me. Determination is what regularly leads me to conquering the improbable- such as carrying chairs much larger than myself up a steep flight of stairs, with 'barked' objections sent to anyone who may try and insist I need help. Determination has also on occasion lead to my accomplishing the 'impossible', such as licking my elbow (yes, I can do that and am always eager to demonstrate).

By no means has this quality always been a charming or exclusively beneficial one. Much like the pup who's bitten off more than they can chew, I have oftentimes found myself lost in a schedule or situation that seems impossible to dig myself out of. The only expression I have seen on my mother's face more often than pride is poorly concealed horror when I've announced my latest project that promises an increased resemblance to the tenacious pup- from the frizzed hair to the black markings around the eyes. However, the same mannerism that causes me to dig myself into these alarmingly deep holes is the same one that helps me dig my way out. Determination is what keeps me watching the word count tick upwards on an essay I'd rather not be writing, especially after finishing over an hour ago and accidentally deleting the work. Determination is what shaped me into the accomplished and ambitious person I pride myself on being today.

The 'likes' and 'shares' on the photo of the overwhelmed pup display the adoring fascination of onlookers watching David facing the Goliath, but there is another side to the story. The wagging tail and rounded belly announcing the victory may not make a viral photo, but they characterize the beloved challenger more than the previously insurmountable obstacle ever could. This victory, often only seen by those closest to the pooch, means more than the fame of apparent defeat ever could. My similar determination is what makes me unique because it is to thank for the unique experiences and accomplishments that define me. It is what I hope will one day lead to my dreams of helping the children of the future use their own determination and unique talents to change the world.
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