Writing Feedback / The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. [2]

Who can help me to correct my essay?
The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of learning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. In what extent do you agree or disagree? (Cambridge IELTS 1)

MY essay:
The technology's development brings about many changes in our society, today. One of these changes is the way people think about careers. Having a single career, having further education or having several careers, what is the best way? In this essay, I'm going to make it clear.

In the first place, to my parents' generation, having a single career tended to be popular. As technology's underdevelopment, each person could not get more career than one. They worked for eight hours each day, and then spent other time for their families, etc. However, today, to the new generation, the idea of having a single career is being old fashioned. The developmental economics makes young people become more and more active, their desire to affirm themselves is stronger. As being educated many subjects in schools, their knowledge is available to them in working in many fields such as Art, Biology or Physical education, etc. Having several careers means they can earn more money and spend more money for their own lives

To someone who likes the idea of having further education which seems to be the most safety way, they can extend their school- time, improve their knowledge. However, it isn't a best way through our lives. Education is limited. Different from studying which only gives us theory; working gives us reality knowledge which is more attractive to everyone.

In conclusion, to compare these three ideas together, it's easy to see that having several careers is the most popular society's tendency. It's suitable for the socioeconomic's development and the change in young people's psychology

today

Writing Feedback / Topic: Children engaging in paid work can have both negative and positive effects [5]

Today, the society's development makes children become more and more active. Many of them have a paid work although they are children, still less than 18 years old. While some people disagree with it, others are totally in favor

In some developed country like US or UK, there are many paid work for children. They are fostered to have a part-time job. Many students in Asia think that a part-time job is a convincing reason when they apply for a scholarship in US or UK.

In the first place, having a paid work can help them to improve their skills which are maybe useful for their future. Such as being a baby-sitter now is really suitable for anyone who wants to be a teacher in future. Even if your work now isn't associated with one in future, it's still a wonderful experience.

The second, having a paid work makes them understand how hard it's to earn money and they will use it more correctly. Moreover, when they are engaged in a paid job, it's sure that they become more and more independent. They don't need to ask their parents for money like they used to. In some countries, children who have a paid work can live their own life: have their apartment to stay, their money to spend. The earlier we start, the nearer we come to success. To parents whose children like that, they will be proud even thought they must be worry a lot. They worry about their children's jobs or being tired and what if their children spend money correctly or not.

To be engaged in a paid job isn't easy but it's very exciting. Whatever we think about those, they are just children. When agree with them to have a paid job, their parents have to make sure that they always keep an eye on them

here is my test, please corret it for me. TIA