Posts by thugzook

thugzook

Dec 29, 2016

Undergraduate / The brilliant minds at Georgia Tech - undergraduate essay for engineering [4]

Oops.
I left out the first paragraph for the second essay. Here it is.

"Inspired by an excursion to the Philippines, I realized how primitive technology, such as those found in ill-equipped classrooms, dominated people's lifestyles. My motivation to pursue engineering not only centralizes on the improvement of current technologies but the affordable proliferation of it to communities that are long overdue in receiving them.

Whether it be through participating in the UROP or collaborating with world-class innovators, Georgia Tech can provide the tools necessary for me to pursue my passions. Working with brilliant minds, such as Gabriel A. Rincon-Mora, discovering ways to improve upon inefficiencies in current circuit designs, will not only prepare me for a career designing microarchitectures for tech giants but also provide me an opportunity to refine society's current technologies. With such an emphasis on undergraduate research, Georgia Tech will allow my visions for an efficient tomorrow, of more specialized and energy-efficient hardware, to come to fruition by my own efforts."

thugzook

Dec 29, 2016

Undergraduate / The brilliant minds at Georgia Tech - undergraduate essay for engineering [4]

Hello all. I'm interested in applying to Georgia Tech, and I would appreciate any feedback on these essays.

1st) ... One essay at time please

2nd) Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech? (max 150 words)

"Whether it be through participating in the UROP or collaborating with world-class innovators, Georgia Tech can provide the tools necessary for me to pursue my passions. Working with brilliant minds, such as Gabriel A. Rincon-Mora, discovering ways to improve upon inefficiencies in current circuit designs, will not only prepare me for a career designing microarchitectures for tech giants but also provide me an opportunity to refine society's current technologies. With such an emphasis on undergraduate research, Georgia Tech will allow my visions for an efficient tomorrow, of more specialized and energy-efficient hardware, to come to fruition by my own efforts."

Any feedback would be appreciated.

thugzook

Dec 29, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1 - The spending by local authorities in some land in three different years [2]

...cost of local authorities~~, while transport~~. Transport and environmental service experienced increasing spending~~and~~, while there were gradual ~~reducing~~reductions in spending in K-12 education ...

... percentage in the last period~~. But both of~~, while both transport and environmental (...) period to ~~become~~ 18% in the last ~~of the~~ period.

~~On the other hand, outcome on~~ K-12 education ~~and~~(comma) health and human resources experienced slight ~~reducing~~, as well .

~~K-12 eduction marked 25% in 1980 ...~~
K-12 education made up 25% of spending in 1980,. but dropped down to just 18% in 200. Health and Human resources also followed this trend, having its spending reduce from 14% in 1980 to just 10% in 2000.

~~... in 1990 with marked 20% in its percentage.~~
Not sure what you mean here.

Hope that helps.

thugzook

Dec 29, 2016

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1 THE PROPORTION OF LEISURE ACTIVITIES PREFERENCE IN BOTH GENDER [2]

"A breakdown of the proportion of several ..."
A breakdown of several leisure activities taken by both male and female children in Australia is presented in the bar chart

Comparing the preference of both ...
Not sure what you mean here.

In electric computer, with just over four fifths, [...] shown by the boys.
Just over four fifths of boys take part in electronic computer games, while only 60% girls do. Likewise, this trend of boys having 10-15% greater participation rates than girls applies to other activities as well, such as bike riding and skate boarding.

A different trend, (...) at 60% and 40% respectively.
The aforementioned trend is reversed, however, when analyzing arts and crafts, where girls participate more than boys, 60% to 40%, respectively.

thugzook

Dec 13, 2016

Undergraduate / Duke, Pratt College of Engineering Essay: "Why do you want to study at Duke" [3]

Hello, thank you for reading this post. I'm currently applying to the Pratt School of Engineering and would appreciate any feedback

Prompt: If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering as a first year applicant, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke. (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.)

Viewing the assortment of blinking lights and circuits, I stepped back to admire the assortment of various parts functioning as a cohesive unit. Although proud of my first computer, as part of my philosophy of continuous self-improvement, I meticulously tinkered with the parts I had , imagining that I may, one day, become the innovator for the technology of tomorrow.

Whether it be through participating in REUs or collaborating with world-class innovators and researchers, Duke can provide the tools necessary for me to pursue my passions. Working with brilliant minds, such as Benjamin C. Lee, discovering ways to improve upon inefficiencies in current processor and memory designs, will not only prepare me for a career designing micro-architectures for tech giants like Intel but also provide me an opportunity to refine society's current technologies. With such an emphasis on undergraduate research, Duke ...

Word count 141/150

Here are some previous critiques of my work:
- The anecdote in the beginning does not encapsulate why I want to study engineering fully. Would appreciate on any thoughts on this so that I can improve upon it.

- The ending has a promising start "With such an emphasis..." however I'm unsure as to how I would end this.

I appreciate any help with this.
Thank you once again!