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Posts by schubzcrazee
Joined: Aug 20, 2009
Last Post: Aug 21, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America

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schubzcrazee   
Aug 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: Has easily-prepared-food improved the way people live? [7]

might you want to discuss how bad this food is for you? aka talk about the down side of eating proccessed, freeze dried, chemical intoxicated food? Cancer rate increases, diabetes, etc. I know it is a persuasive, but even the best persuasive essays hit on the downsides for a few seconds, as to be more persuasive in giving all insights.
schubzcrazee   
Aug 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / Old saying; 'experience is the best teacher' -Review for CLEP [11]

via- use "with" instead
young ones - children
old and extinct- its not really old and extint, i dont think, rather, say "less formal way of learning" or "not as common"

new gadgets and equipment being invented- just say new gadgets and equipment. being invented is strange grammer. plus, "new" already tells you what you need to know

"Now you may ask, how does this relate to our everyday life? It does" Lousy statement. You are not answering the question. Dont even include this.

When talking about going to college to get a hired. say how the work place WONT hire you without a GED or highschool diploma, the pressure of the number of people wanting to go to school is rising, it is more expensive etc
schubzcrazee   
Aug 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Who I Want To Be> Undergraduate Admissions, Personal Statement [7]

Directions: Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

My refrigerator at home is the epitome of how we live at 357th st. E. Sticky notes, phone numbers, reminders, and nick nacks stick to the fridge doors. Photos, box tops, and to do lists hang off the sides, but my favorite quark on the crowded cooler surface is a quote by Charles Swindle. He says, "Attitude is everything. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... it is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what other people think or say or do. I'm convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes."

It is this quote that I try to live by. It defines who I am. I believe that following this idea has allowed me to gain dozens of priceless friendships, be accepting, and learn from my mistakes. By making better decisions and having a good attitude I have had a significant difference in my every day life. But I only recognized the importance of this quote after an episode with a seemingly thoughtless teacher.

Biology was a class to discuss life: the history of, the science of, the origin of. Everyone can admit that discussing the origin of life can turn into a heated debate. But in our class no discussion was needed. Mrs. Arc overruled that nature has evolved into the human race; no ifs, ands, or buts. I was not angry because she spoke like this, but I was furious that she had substituted a whole week's worth of teachings on evolutionary science with one sweeping statement. Instead of reasoning with Mrs. Arc after class, I plotted to teach her a lesson. With two friends, we carefully photo shopped Mrs. Arc's face from a 2006 yr book photo onto a gorilla body. It was a perfect match. We typed a caption beneath her that read, "she was happier as a chimp, she blames evolution." That night, like robbers busting a bank, we taped 25 prints to the side of the school. The next morning students were ripping copies off the walls, trying to claim a piece of the prize. Mrs. Arc and the principle gave a lecture to each class about disrespect, humility, discrimmination, and discipline. I was feeling like a secret spy doing my duty until she announced that she forgave the person who made the signs. The guilt sank in. In the next two days she did a lecture on the basics of evolution, and it happened to be the best lecture all year. She also allowed a moderated discussion, "not debate" she emphasized. Who ever made the signs stayed anonymous, and life went on but I learned this incredible lesson: attitude is everything. Mrs. Arc never got upset over the posters. She instead took into consideration the point I was trying to get across, no matter how viol it was. She had such a great attitude.

I never could have recognized the importance of this quote on my refrigerator without her. I never could have developed my own demeanor by myself. I owe my attribute to everyone I meet with a good attitude. A person with a positive attitude is liked. They bring life to a conversation. They are content. I believe that with a good attitude, anyone can achieve their dreams, and these are the people that I look up to. These are the people that go above and beyond. Ultimately, these are the people that I consider successful. This is the kind of person that I want to be.