Undergraduate / Green Bay, Help with UC-Berkeley Admission Essay [15]

Hi I need help editing and need opinions and things I should change on my application essay to UC-Berkeley.

Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"Green Bay Tower, this is Cirrus Two-One-Five Sierra Romeo turning final to runway three-six, for landing," I unknowingly snuck in before the commercial plane could say anything on the radio. "Delta Regional Jet, this is Green Bay Tower, hold-short runway three-six for the Cirrus on final. Report visual."

As I taxied by the rather daunting Boeing 747, I could just imagine what the pilots of the commercial jet I had deferred were thinking, let alone the hundreds of eager passengers delayed for no apparent reason, impatiently waiting to depart from Green Bay. I had not given much thought to this seemingly ordinary event until I had returned to the flight line and tethered down the single-engine plane. That is when I realized the sheer extent of the effect my single action had, almost gone unnoticed. This example gave me reassurance that no matter what I do, the effects are perceived, even though I may be unaware of them. My goal has been changed ever since that blustery day on the flight line. I would now make the unintentional, intentional and control the effects of my intentions.

Just as a baby, who, coming out of the darkness of the womb, experiences the light of the world for the first time, and like a child who has never known anything outside of its house finally ventures out of his neighborhood and becomes conscious of the city it lives in, I too have experienced and become aware of an even greater reality of this planet, The Earth. Every time the Cirrus SR20 lifts off the ground I perceive Earth as a whole; in a single, collective experience of all preceding it. This is what changed my perspective on life. This is what changed my goal of life.

Flying has been a dream of mine since my first flight to Orlando when I was four, peeking out the window to the sight of rolling hills, beautiful rivers, and my tiny toy cars zipping around on the equally small roads. Then to see the Appalachian Mountains, the biggest thing I had ever seen and known at age four was now under my feet. This complete contradiction to what I knew is what makes flying an experience every time, without redundancy. This, however, does not come without sacrifices, including less time for friends, the addition of another couple textbooks, and sometimes less time with my family. Nonetheless, flight has changed the way I view the world, and in growing up with this perception from a young age, it has altered my thoughts from the mainstream.

I guess it is just something about the ability to fly, to be able to transcend the ordinary, the normal ideals of the world that makes me feel accomplished. Every time the plane lifts off the runway the entire perspective of life in itself turns around, and murmurs, "Come down." This view of the world has caused me to recognize and put thought on the bigger problems which affect the entire world, knowing there is more out there than the small town of Green Bay. The only perspective more inclusive of humanity and the world than this one is from space, but I think this should be enough, for now.

Also I am working on the second prompt and have been brainstorming ideas for it for about 3 weeks now and I really need help. All I got is that I might write about my family and flying..

Prompt 2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I greatly appreciate all comments and revisions