I'm planning to apply in the fall as a Psychology major. For my personal statement I plan on writing about my experience as ASB president during my senior year and what went through my mind as I worked with my cabinet (37 students) to make decisions about school-related activities (fund raisers, assemblies, dances, volunteering, etc.) I plan on tying it in with my interest in psychology by discussing how I didn't understand why some students were so different from the others, how ideas vary so much, and how this made it difficult for all of us to work together. I believe that with furthering my knowledge in psychology, I will eventually have a better understanding of why people act they way they do and with that I will be able to help others interact and work more proficiently in group settings. Well, that's just the general gist of what I'm thinking of.
So far, I only have my intro. I would really appreciate it if you guys took a look at it and gave me some input, ideas, feedback, anything! Be harsh, I don't mind it. I need it. Thanks!
-----------------------
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
Seventeen years old and I was already a mom, not to two or five kids, but a whopping thirty-seven. My precious thirty-seven consisted of very few introverts; most of them were very strong-minded and sometimes a little too outspoken. Dealing with one or two kids who are like that can be quite demanding when it comes time to make a decision. Imagine dealing with thirty-seven of them, all at the same time, all throughout your senior year in high school--it's a whole 'nother story...
-----------------------
From that point on, I plan on telling my story about what it was like as ASB president and why that has led me to choose psychology as a major.
I did not read the first part and delved right into your essay at first. I was shocked to read at how you were a mother of thirty seven children, at just seventeen years of age. I thought, 'wow'.
Then I read the beginning. I really dont think that you can compare that to a mother's position to be honest. You may have helped kids, but that does not necessarily mean that you undertook any maternal duties or used your maternal instinct, therefore calling yourself a 'mother' is quite bold.
Same. If I was an admissions officer I would feel as though you lied to me
Maybe you can talk about how ASB is like a family to you... instead of your kids =)
thank you! i'll change that part up.
Yeah, the mother thing doesn't work at all. "Role-model" maybe?
i just felt the intro was a little cliche all together. im a little ambivalent on how i feel about the whole mother analogy thing, but everyone is saying you should change it, so i think thats best as well. maybe you should say something like you had 37 ple in your immediate family? idk.
Wait a minute -- you are referring to your cabinet, your peers, as your children? How arrogant! Change this conceit.
I agree ^ I think that maybe you should refer to them as your cousins, or siblings, but now children. Although it grabs the reader's attention, it only lets them down in the end
Thank you guys. I'm trying to find a new idea for my essay.
