Undergraduate / A timid boy living in own comfort zone. Changes made opportunities to achieve a lot more. [17]

Hi @Holt. Do you think my essay can answer prompt 1 ? Or should i stick to answering the prompt you mention above ?

Undergraduate / A timid boy living in own comfort zone. Changes made opportunities to achieve a lot more. [17]

Growing up in a small town in Malaysia, I was always a timid boy living in my comfort zone. I don't usually like to explore and experience new things until when I turned nine. I started to pick squash as recreation. My dad plays squash and he inspired me to choose the sport because I was able to spend more time with him. One day, I just randomly pick up his racket and entered the court to hit some balls. The coach invited me to training the next day. And, that's how my life started to change gradually. On the first day of training I struggled to hit the ball. But after countless attempts, I started to be better in it. From training twice weekly, I eventually took the sports seriously and started regular training. I started to fall in love with the sport because I was able to release my stress by hitting the ball. I started to get obsessed with squash and set goals for myself to achieve.

I move out from my hometown to a sports school at the age of 15. It was tough to make this decision because I have to leave home at this young age. My parents were supportive but at the same time they were worried that I wouldn't be able juggle sports and studies at the same time by living independently. They know that I have great passion for squash so they encourage me to give myself the chance to pursue my dream. I decided to take the step forward and trust myself to give my best. At the beginning, I almost couldn't cope with studies because of the training workload. The training is exhausted it makes me feel like taking a nap after every training session. However after training, I would need to rush for class. Most of the time I fell asleep in class because I was exhausted from training. I realized that my academics were slacking and that's when I also warned myself that I need to buck up my studies. I took up tuition every weekend and also sacrifice my leisure time to do extra revision. I knew that education is still important even though I want to do well in sports. My grades started to improve rapidly, I was delighted that I was able to manage my time efficiently to do well in both. My classroom environment really pushed me to study hard because all of the students were not only serious able they sports, they were highly motivated to study too.

Getting out of my comfort zone really allowed me to see the real world. I learned that in order to attain success we need to work hard . Studying in the sports school also allowed me to grow and see things with a different perspective. My parents were really happy that they send me to the sports school because I became a responsible person. My determination and perseverance allow me to conquer adversity. Living independently, taught me a lot of lessons that brought massive changes in my life. I became more mature in thinking and wiser in decision making. Moreover, I learnt to adapt to all situation so I will be able continue achieving greater things in life. And that is something I am carrying with me into my future: the ability to allow changes in my life, and sometimes just be open to new ideas. I may surprise myself by discovering I can do much more than I thought was possible.

Hi @Holt. This is the newly updated one

Essays / Rochester Supplement on applying my powers to 'things needed to be done.' [6]

During my high school year, my class visited a Children Orphanage . When we first arrived , we handed out gifts to the children. We also entertained the kids with outdoor activities. It just made my day when I watched the kids have fun. The smile on the children's face is priceless. I felt delighted to be able to make positive impact in someone's life. By helping the less fortunate, I will be able to inspire other people to spread positive vibes and bring unity in people so that we can make this world a peaceful place to live in.

this is my version. hope you will be able to gain some ideas from here

Undergraduate / 5th December: The day that I will never forget. [5]

Hi, i think you should elaborate more on your story that how your family inspired you to help people and how it actually make an impact in your life.

Undergraduate / A timid boy living in own comfort zone. Changes made opportunities to achieve a lot more. [17]

Hi @Holt. This is my last paragraph. Do you think this make sense ?

Getting out of my comfort zone really allow me to see the real world. I learned that in order to success we need to work hard to achieve it. Studying in the sports school also allow me to grow and see things with a different perspective. My determination and perseverance allow me to conquer adversity. Living independently, taught me a lot of lifelong lessons that bring massive changes in my life. I became more mature in thinking and wiser in decision making. Moreover, I learn to adapt all situation so I will be able continue achieving greater things in life. And that is something I am carrying with me into my future: the ability to allow changes in my life, and sometimes just be open to new ideas. I may surprise myself by discovering I can do much more than I thought possible.

Undergraduate / A timid boy living in own comfort zone. Changes made opportunities to achieve a lot more. [17]

Hi @Holt. What should i talk about in paragraph 3 to add more words into ?

Thanks

Undergraduate / A timid boy living in own comfort zone. Changes made opportunities to achieve a lot more. [17]

Growing up in a small town in Malaysia, I was always a timid boy living in my comfort zone. I don't usually like to explore and experience new things. Until when I turn nine, I started to pick squash as recreation. My dad plays squash at the local club and l usually follow him there every evening. One day, I just randomly pick up his racket and enter the court to hit some balls. The coach invited me to training the next day. And, that's how my life started to change gradually. On the first day of training I struggle to hit the ball. But after countless attempt, I started to be better in it. From training twice weekly, I eventually take the sports seriously and started to train every day. I started to obsessed with squash and set goals for myself to achieve.

I move out from my hometown to a sports school at the age of 15. It was tough to make this decision because I have to leave home at this young age. My parents were worried that I wouldn't be able juggle sports and studies at the same time by living independently. But, I decided to take the step forward because I was very sure that I want to pursue squash as a career. At the beginning, I almost couldn't cope with studies because of the training workload. After training, I would need to rush for class. Most of the time I was falling asleep in class because I was exhausted from training. I realize that my academics were slacking and that's when I am aware that I need to buck up my studies. I took up tuition every weekend and also sacrifice my leisure time to do extra revision. I knew that education is still important even though I want to do well in sports. My grades started to improve rapidly, I was delighted that I was able to manage my time efficiently to do well in both.

Getting out of my comfort zone really allow me to see the real world. I learned that in order to success we need to work hard to achieve it. Studying in the sports school also allow me to grow and see things with a different perspective. My determination and perseverance allow me to conquer adversity.

Sometimes good things happen to (...) I can do much more than I thought possible.

Hi @Holt. What should i add in the 3 paragraph ? I'm not sure if this is a better version. Or can my current version answer prompt 1 which is "Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."

Thanks !

Undergraduate / A timid boy living in own comfort zone. Changes made opportunities to achieve a lot more. [17]

Hi @Holt ! Thanks for the idea. However, I still need more help with my current essay. Can I still use the same ending saying that allowing change in life bring positive impact in my life.

Undergraduate / A timid boy living in own comfort zone. Changes made opportunities to achieve a lot more. [17]

Hi TJ. Thanks for the advice. What do you think i can add to change my essay to answer prompt 5 ? Is they any grammar errors in my current essay ?