Posts by reapernanashi

reapernanashi

Feb 1, 2017

Writing Feedback / PTE: Over a billion adults legally smoke tobacco. The long term health costs are high - for smokers [8]

Hi. I'm not sure about your word limit, but if you don't have one, I think you could develop your essay a bit more.

At the moment, you just have paragraphs detailing how the government can legislate. However, the question asks whether the government has a role in legislating, which really asks two questions: can the government legislate & should the government legislate? I think your argument would be a bit more nuanced if you tackled both perspectives.

Discuss the role of the government with regards to the health of its constituents. Talk about the idea of public vs. private space, and what rights citizens are entitled to in each area. Talk about how smoking/tobacco use is currently framed; is it a choice or an addiction? Wether its the former or the latter, what is the responsibility of the government in addressing the issue? For example, if its a choice, who makes the choice and who is affected by it? the smoker chooses to smoke, but the people he comes in contact with face the repercussions of his smoking through second/third hand smoke, even though they didn't sign up for it. How can the government deal with that conception of choice, that extends beyond the smoker? etc, etc.

reapernanashi

Feb 1, 2017

Graduate / Master of Public Health SOP: refugee beginnings to HPM aspirations (Reproductive/Maternal health) [2]

polio experience spurred my interest in public health

"Just two drops," one of the aid workers said, as she coaxed my cousin's mouth open and administered the oral polio vaccine. Because most of the residents in my mother's refugee camp were unvaccinated, community aid workers visited on a regular rotation. They went knocking from door to door across the camp until, one day, they landed on our doorstep.

Ducking into our house to escape the brutal heat, they wasted no time pressing the importance of the vaccine. Pointing to my cousin, one warned my aunt that should she get infected, she could become permanently paralyzed. I watched as they engaged my aunt and quickly allayed her fears. Eventually, my aunt acquiesced and all five of her children were vaccinated.

This moment, as well as the vaccinators' subsequent visits, spurred my interest in public health. During my freshman year at ----, I co-founded our campus' chapter of ----, a student-led nonprofit that connects college students with grassroots health organizations and empowers them to address global health inequity hand in hand. We partnered with ----, an organization that supports women and children who, due to political instability, are either internally displaced in Burma or have fled to Thailand. During our first year, we funded Reproductive Health Training for community leaders from twenty-five villages across Burma & Thailand. Placing special focus on religious leaders, who were also working in the remote areas in the Eastern Shan State, we created a training module that would prepare the community representatives to educate their church groups. ---- aimed to motivate women to take measures that would prioritize their reproductive health through family planning supplies and services.

We also built a clinic in Mai Ja Yang, located in the south of ----. Burma's internally displaced population is unable to access the health care system, which would provide them with family planning services, pre- & post-natal care, and skilled birth attendants. The clinic not only supported the outreach health campaigns and reproductive health training but also acted as a daily maternal/child care clinic.

Working with the ---- women sparked my interest in sexual and reproductive health. The collaboration allowed me to see firsthand how a displaced population access to the public healthcare ecosystem. These women had recognized their urgent needs and organized to address them Acknowledging the importance of religion in Burmese society, they worked alongside religious figures to provide their services. (what fascinated me was that/i was fascinated by) They were more successful than international NGOs who failed to understand the multifaceted circumstances of their targeted population.

I wanted to further build on the remote work I'd done with ----, and explore that cultural interplaying between religion and health. maybe say something about how i'd also noticed that religion/health link when the aid workers came around the camp? Field experience would be a valuable learning tool in expanding my perspective. Therefore, I completed an internship with ----.

As a project manager, I created an outreach campaign to engage the ---- Church. ---- identified religion as a prominent social determinant of reproductive health, and sought the ---- endorsement because of his political clout. As such, the campaign aimed to reconcile ----'s services with ---- Catholic doctrine and institute policy change with the Church's support.

Responsible for developing ----'s strategic engagement, I worked with the Ministry of Health and utilized their records to delineate our approach. I analyzed their archives to outline our framework of engagement and accompanied the healthcare teams when they visited the remote rural villages. I was able to interview patients about their relationship with the Church, views on family planning, and use of ----'s services. Synthesizing my qualitative and quantitative research, I presented weekly proposal reports to my supervisor. The NGO ultimately utilized my engagement recommendations to establish a long-lasting partnership with the Church. A year after reaching a ----, the church endorsed ----'s family planning services. They supported both----'s service delivery and training for government service providers.

Through ----, I became interested in how policy and politics influence reproductive healthcare. To that end, I want to work with organizations to improve their health delivery systems. To be successful, I believe they need to fully incorporate the complexities of a country's populace into their mission. By reviewing current policies & analyzing their impact, I want to utilize the findings to present organizations with more cost-effective & sustainable delivery strategies that also lower patient barriers to care. An MPH is crucial to my success. The dynamic degree will develop my qualitative and quantitative skills while its versatility ensures a comprehensive education. [INSERT "WHY ___" PARAGRAPH]

Hey guys. I was told I needed to personalize this essay a bit more, especially the two work experiences I highlight in the essay. Apparently, it reads like an expansion of my resume, and I should balance listing out what I did in those experiences and to also capture what I learned. I thought I did that already so I'm kind of lost as to what else to add.

Would anyone be able to provide some concrete help and give me advice/feedback/suggestions on where/how I can do that?

It's unfortunately rather late in the game, as its due by midnight February 1st but anything and everything helps.

Thank you so much!!