bontonsoup1
Mar 14, 2017
Undergraduate / "Wanting to transfer because of location" ESSAY statement [6]
@Holt
Thank you so much for your feedback!
@Holt
Thank you so much for your feedback!
bontonsoup1
Mar 14, 2017
Undergraduate / "Wanting to transfer because of location" ESSAY statement [6]
@Holt
It seems like you are confused... I'm trying to transfer out of Penn State. State College is the name of the city where Penn State is located.
@Holt
It seems like you are confused... I'm trying to transfer out of Penn State. State College is the name of the city where Penn State is located.
bontonsoup1
Mar 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / CLEP English Comp essay prep - agree/ disagree "no goals so impossible as ones we set for ourselves" [4]
Your essay is on point. I could see from your argument why it's better to set achievable and realistic goals. I would focus on condensing sentences to improve efficacy.
For example:
"In many cases, the most difficult goals to accomplish"
Your essay is on point. I could see from your argument why it's better to set achievable and realistic goals. I would focus on condensing sentences to improve efficacy.
For example:
"In many cases, the most difficult goals
bontonsoup1
Mar 13, 2017
Undergraduate / "Wanting to transfer because of location" ESSAY statement [6]
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)
"Where are you from?"
The inevitable question being tossed around at NSO finally made its way to my ears.
I smiled back and replied, "State College."
Their faces lit up when they found out that I was a local. I had expected this reaction. However, I didn't expect a shift in my tone as the words traveled out of my mouth. Suddenly, I felt obliged to seem excited. Sure, I was excited for college to start and meet new people but I wasn't feeling the same level of excitement as others were feeling. When I saw their eyes spark up at the new scene, I realized that I lacked something. I lacked the excitement of starting a real college experience at a different environment. I wanted to breathe in an unfamiliar air and spread my wings.
Growing up in State College, I was already familiar with the student life and culture at Penn State. Its strong presence made me feel connected to the notable academics and social scene. Going to college near home would feel like sitting in a comfortable couch. Familiar places and sites would make my college experience less intimidating. It wasn't until the start of fall semester when I knew I had to venture out to a different place. I would come across motivated students, who came from many backgrounds, who were being fearless and stepping out of their comfort zones. I felt empty and left out. At this moment, I decided that I wanted to pursue my academic interests away from home.
I made a lot of memorable experiences here at Penn State. I got actively involved in the community by joining clubs and volunteering. I learned the importance of relationships. I've made some good friends. I certainly wouldn't be who I am right now without them
Now, I want to expand my horizons by experiencing a different environment. I want to thrive as an individual outside of my comfort zone. I've cultivated a lot of new interests here at Penn State and want to explore different areas, meet amazing people, and have the support when I need it. I want to be surrounded by students who are intellectually driven so that we can all support each other's growth. I don't want to feel like I missed out on something. Through my experiences at Penn State, I learned that college is all about exploring your personal and intellectual interests. Even if that takes a sacrifice to move out. For me, transferring is not only just a transition from school to another school but a chance to rediscover myself. I'll always take full advantage of the opportunities given to me. Hopefully, the next time I say where I'm from, I'll say it with conviction at a place where I truly belong.
*Thank you for reading! This is my first draft. I would greatly appreciate any feedbacks. Please don't hesitate to be harsh ;)
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)
State College
"Where are you from?"
The inevitable question being tossed around at NSO finally made its way to my ears.
I smiled back and replied, "State College."
Their faces lit up when they found out that I was a local. I had expected this reaction. However, I didn't expect a shift in my tone as the words traveled out of my mouth. Suddenly, I felt obliged to seem excited. Sure, I was excited for college to start and meet new people but I wasn't feeling the same level of excitement as others were feeling. When I saw their eyes spark up at the new scene, I realized that I lacked something. I lacked the excitement of starting a real college experience at a different environment. I wanted to breathe in an unfamiliar air and spread my wings.
Growing up in State College, I was already familiar with the student life and culture at Penn State. Its strong presence made me feel connected to the notable academics and social scene. Going to college near home would feel like sitting in a comfortable couch. Familiar places and sites would make my college experience less intimidating. It wasn't until the start of fall semester when I knew I had to venture out to a different place. I would come across motivated students, who came from many backgrounds, who were being fearless and stepping out of their comfort zones. I felt empty and left out. At this moment, I decided that I wanted to pursue my academic interests away from home.
I made a lot of memorable experiences here at Penn State. I got actively involved in the community by joining clubs and volunteering. I learned the importance of relationships. I've made some good friends. I certainly wouldn't be who I am right now without them
Now, I want to expand my horizons by experiencing a different environment. I want to thrive as an individual outside of my comfort zone. I've cultivated a lot of new interests here at Penn State and want to explore different areas, meet amazing people, and have the support when I need it. I want to be surrounded by students who are intellectually driven so that we can all support each other's growth. I don't want to feel like I missed out on something. Through my experiences at Penn State, I learned that college is all about exploring your personal and intellectual interests. Even if that takes a sacrifice to move out. For me, transferring is not only just a transition from school to another school but a chance to rediscover myself. I'll always take full advantage of the opportunities given to me. Hopefully, the next time I say where I'm from, I'll say it with conviction at a place where I truly belong.
*Thank you for reading! This is my first draft. I would greatly appreciate any feedbacks. Please don't hesitate to be harsh ;)
