Posts by blu

blu

Mar 24, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken? [6]

@Holt
I'm appreciated your correction. I have rewritten my essay.
I have tried to paraphrase the opening statement, avoiding plagiarizing:
The number of endangered animal species is rising rapidly as deforestation, urbanization and illegal hunting are causing the loss of their habitat. This has driven some of them to the verge of extinction.

And in the body paragraph, I have also added more clear examples for my solution:
For those reasons above, the government and individuals must take steps to address this problem. One step is government must pass forest and wildlife preservation laws, rules and regulations. For example, official ban on killing and taking advantages of selling meat, fur, skin and other products from threatened animals must be published. Another step is conservation parks must be built to maintain natural habitat for those animals. Further more, individuals must be educated to be aware of their responsibility for protecting threatened animal species. People can choose to buy recycled paper and sustainable products like bamboo, which can contribute to protect forest animal species.

And the conlusion has been rewritten:
In conclusion, I totally agree that it is crucial to protect endangered animals. As they contribute to the balance of ecosystem which is considered to be an imperative condition for human development and they are highly appreciated for their aesthetic role. Thus, both the government and individuals must work out the solutions to save those animal species from extinction.

blu

Mar 24, 2017

Writing Feedback / Unhealthy convenience food - Task 2 IELTS Writing module [5]

I think you no need present the history of fast food. Instead, you need to point out to what extent you agree or disagree first and then present your reason followed by supported sentences. I think you should search for the format of doing this kind of essay and read it carefully before writing your own. Good luck!

blu

Mar 24, 2017

Writing Feedback / SOLUTIONS ON CLIMATE CHANGE [5]

Your idea, grammar and vocabulary are really good. But you seem to get the essay requirement wrong. In your essay, you discussed the two sides of the matter: "reasons for detering climate change" and "reasons for not withstand climate change"

blu

Mar 14, 2017

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken? [6]

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction.

the importance of animals protection

The number of animal species in danger is rising rapidly as their habitats are destroyed and some are even driven to the point of extinction. This is the result of deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting. Personally, I agree that it is vital to protect animals and measures must be taken to tackle this problem.

There are reasons why protecting animals is crucial. Firstly, we live in a world where together all species make up this delicately balanced ecosystem and the disappear of any animal species might cause a chain reaction on the entire system, including humans. For example, many of our crop plants rely on pollinating birds and mammals to produce seeds. And the decline in these animals would result in decrease in our food supply. Secondly, a great diversity of animal species can act as a source of art and entertainment, enriching human lives. For example, the peacock with its colorful tail, a great inspiration to humans, has been reflected in art and literature of many cultures.

Solutions must be applied to solve this problem. One step is government must eliminate corruption and ensure fair enforcement of forest and wildlife conservation policies. By strictly enforcing these preservation laws, rules and regulations, deforestation and illegal hunting can be limited. Another step is the promotion of building sustainable and environmentally friendly cities that embrace safe habitats and environmental conditions for animal species. For example, such economy based on sustainable environment such as investment in green infrastructure, green public transportation, and renewable energy should be encouraged. Further more, individuals must be educated to be aware of their responsibility for protecting threatened animal species. People can choose to buy recycled paper and sustainable products like bamboo, which can contribute to protect forest animal species.

In conclusion, I totally agree that it is crucial to protect animals and solutions must be implemented to tackle this issue.