Scholarship / Brunel University - Country Specific Scholarship [4]

@Eng Phin Hello!
I think your essay is really good as it is relevant with what the instruction told you, and you are keeping up with it until the end of your essay. Below are some minor corrections for your essay:

"Since high school", do not use in
I think it will be better if you change the second last sentence in first paragraph to : "would allow me to apply my knowledge to.."

I amalways interested, I amalso interested.
Indonesianculture, Indonesianambassador, Indonesiandevelopment.
That was it from me, I wish you find this useful and best of luck :)

Graduate / The reason to choose SMIB program. [4]

@linhcu Hello!
Here is some suggestions for you:
You need to add at least one more paragraph that explain why you are the right person to get admitted to the business school, such as your experience in business or interest in particular business, it could also be books or movies about business that draw your interest.

I think your first paragraph should come last, because it is more like a concluding sentence to me.
The last one, it is better to correct it to : "I am strongly impressed by the fact that this program..." because "by that this program" was just sounds off.

That was it from me, I hope you find this useful :)

Undergraduate / Self Introduction Essay for Exchange Program in Ajou University [3]

REVISED PAPER

My friends always described me as a person with high curiosity of anything. I always wanted to try and learn new things whenever the opportunity is there. I have joined several seminar on various topics including marketing strategies, investment techniques, corruption eradication, and self-branding. I also have involved in several committees and an organization where I enjoy being socially active with other members that I even got awarded as the best sponsorship staff in a sport competition event called The 13th FEUI CUP for my commitment and enthusiasm. These experiences are really helpful in broadening my knowledge and skills.

I did explore different positions in several committees, but it was a position as Field Officer in an orientation program for freshmen in my faculty that made me realize that I have passion for helping other people. I found joy and had a lot of fun while guiding and leading 17 freshmen throughout the orientation. My passion to be helpful and my interest on several topics on Human Resource Management (HRM) has led me to concentrate on HRM, in hope that I can help more people in my future company enjoy and advance in their careers. Since then, I find it easier to get excellent grades as I learn something that I am passionate for.

I also have passion in photography and Korean language. During my travel with trains from my home to my university and vice versa (which takes me 1.5 hours because both are on a different province), I spent my time taking pictures of unique moments and beautiful places or watching Korean drama as they have a really great storyline. Korean drama have also made me interested in Korean language that I practice Korean common and daily phrases that I learned from the drama with myself. Both of these passion has led me to a dream of going to South Korea, where I can enhance my Korean language skill by interacting with Korean native, and also capture abundant of fascinating sights.

I want to explore HRM practices in developed countries so that I can contribute in improving the welfare of Indonesian employees. Hence, I intend to get my master degree abroad. Studying in Korea for several months will not only give me insights on what it is like to interact and cooperate with students from different countries, but will also make me more independent in adapting to new environment, which are important personal skills needed for studying abroad. Also, there are a lot of courses in xxx University that are taught in English and match my interest, including Cross-cultural Management and Strategic Management. Therefore, I am determined to be an active and enthusiastic exchange student in xxx University this fall semester.