Writing Feedback / Must the free time of kids be always educational? [3]

Hi,
It's a great response. I hope my comment will assist you in writing the response.


I think the main idea of the paragraph is not match with the entire paragraph. You should focus on how children free time activities can result negative outcome as you mentioned not the lack of interest from their parents.



--> you can use either "this" or "my"


I think that is not an appropriate term. You can write "children programs/activities"

Hope you find this helpful!!

Scholarship / University of Auckland Scholarship Essay_Skill and Knowledge gained from the study [3]

Thank you @Mary Rose for the feedback.
I have revised the essay based on your comment. Please give any comment or feedback to develop my essay.

Studying Master in International Business enables me to acquire strong theoretical education, hands-on leadership, and practical experiences about managing organization in global context. The program offers the Competing in Asia course which will extent my understanding in Asian business and economic environment. The course will give me knowledge about specific national regulation of some Asian countries. It is also equip me with ability to identify opportunities and challenges resulted from the regulation. Then, I will have a chance to develop my skill in analyzing and developing resource-effective operation strategic to produce products and services for global organization through the Global Operation Management course. In addition, I will have valuable experience to apply my knowledge in real business situation through the Consultation Project with a company or organization offered by the program. Finally I would like to specialize my study in strategic management. I would like to emphasize my study on developing corporate strategy to compete in emerging market.

Tks,