Writing Feedback / Treatment of ill people vs promotion of healthy lifestyle [2]

This is quite an interesting topic to read. I notice that you identified your position early in the paper. However, you do not provide a detailed position in the form of a thesis statement that outlines the points you will use to defend your position. Also, I notice that you began with a counter argument rather than your main argument; the second argument should be the last before the conclusion part.

Additionally, you ought to avoid long sentences that make your work look awkward and difficult to read.
The other point is that you need to back up your claims with reputable sources. For example, "according to medical experts..." needs you to insert references.

Remember that a conclusion requires you to restate your thesis and the main points.
All in all, you have very strong points that if used properly would make a strong argument paper.

Writing Feedback / Who should integrate children into public life? [3]

First, I see that you have chosen parents as the favorite for integrating children to the public life. However, you do not seem to keep up with your argument in most parts of the essay.

At one point you are talking about parents as instrumental while on the other you talk about the teachers.
I would suggest that you choose your position early in the essay to guide you and the reader through the rest of the essay.
This strategy means writing a clear thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph of your discourse.
Usually, this statement will show the points you intend to use to support your position.
For example, you could state that parents are the best option for integrating children to public life since they spend most of the time with them, can shape them according to the desired state, and have better mechanisms for doing so.

In the following paragraphs, I would take each of the points and explain how that would help integrate children to public life.
Also, the conclusion would be a restatement of the main argument and the points used in the main essay.
Finally, you need to check your grammar and sentence structure.