anhdt117
Jun 4, 2017
Writing Feedback / Chances do not make a major contribution to the triumph of anyone [5]
Do you guys can check my rewritting again ?
It is argued that fortune plays a leading role in the success of anyone. However, I completely disagree with this argument and will elaborate in detail.
On the one hand, I advocate the notion that people who are hard-working and determined can attain their goals. For example, Mark Zuckerburg is a great illustration. He thoughtfully decided to drop his study in Harvard University and set up his own company. Then, he spent thousands of hours coding and experimenting to create a social network called Facebook that we use nowadays. Another clear evidence is Nguyen Ngoc Ky. This disabled man could not write by hand, but he had enough determination to teach himself to write by foot. After that, he would become one of the greatest teachers of education in Viet Nam. It it not ascribed to luck anyway, I believe it comes from his industriousness and determination.
On the other hand, the saying that hazard is significantly attributable to luck is vague. Firstly, people can not solely depend on luck to become successful. For instance, lazy students usually rely on fortune, so they just learn the leading parts that they think their teachers will examine them in the tests. Admittedly,whether or not he or she can pass the exam is no matter how lucky he or she may be. Secondly, luck could only lead people to a short-term achievement. A typical example for my belief is having a lottery. It totally is due to luck, there is nothing to make sure that it would continue to exist in the future.
For the reasons that I mentioned above, I assume that in order to achieve long-term goals, one must be extremely industrious and determined to follow his or her passion till the end.
Do you guys can check my rewritting again ?
It is argued that fortune plays a leading role in the success of anyone. However, I completely disagree with this argument and will elaborate in detail.
On the one hand, I advocate the notion that people who are hard-working and determined can attain their goals. For example, Mark Zuckerburg is a great illustration. He thoughtfully decided to drop his study in Harvard University and set up his own company. Then, he spent thousands of hours coding and experimenting to create a social network called Facebook that we use nowadays. Another clear evidence is Nguyen Ngoc Ky. This disabled man could not write by hand, but he had enough determination to teach himself to write by foot. After that, he would become one of the greatest teachers of education in Viet Nam. It it not ascribed to luck anyway, I believe it comes from his industriousness and determination.
On the other hand, the saying that hazard is significantly attributable to luck is vague. Firstly, people can not solely depend on luck to become successful. For instance, lazy students usually rely on fortune, so they just learn the leading parts that they think their teachers will examine them in the tests. Admittedly,whether or not he or she can pass the exam is no matter how lucky he or she may be. Secondly, luck could only lead people to a short-term achievement. A typical example for my belief is having a lottery. It totally is due to luck, there is nothing to make sure that it would continue to exist in the future.
For the reasons that I mentioned above, I assume that in order to achieve long-term goals, one must be extremely industrious and determined to follow his or her passion till the end.
