Posts by halib_2309
Name: Hà
Joined: Jun 26, 2017 |
Last Post: Jul 2, 2017
Threads: 1
Posts: 2
|
From: Viet Nam
School: Hoang Van Thu gifted high school
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Displayed posts: 3
Writing Feedback /
[TOEFL] Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year. [4]
Hi Eric Sung, I think we should pay more attention on grammar to avoid grammatical mistakes in essays. I found some points like that in your essay such as
people from different social ... ( it should be people from different social status and do different kinds of works ) or
... and athletes are definitely difficult ( are should be is ) ;
in high pressure ( under high pressure ) .
That's all for you, and don't be sad because we're not perfect , be happy because we're trying to get more and more perfect everyday .
Have a nice day !
Writing Feedback /
Is Violence the Result of TV, computers, and video games? [7]
@LadyOfClockwork
Thank you so much
@Holt
thanks a lot for your correction .
However, this writing only requires to write a paragraph , not a complete essay . It's the reason why I didn't divide my writing into small paragraph
@okorobiadimma14
From my bottom of heart, I want to give you my thank-you.
And can you point out my mistakes in English grammar ?
I want to find out them to correct and improve . Thanks again :)
Writing Feedback /
Is Violence the Result of TV, computers, and video games? [7]
Topic:
In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on TV,computers and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ? ( 150-180 words)brutal images on TV, internet, etc., propagate violence
The more developing the world is, the more increasing number of crimes is. A majority of people view TV programmes, Computers or video games with violent sceneries as one of the main reasons for this. As far as I'm concerned, I uphold mentioned opinion.Firstly, brutal images showed on these devices propagate violence to people. After watching or playing, they add a bad new definition into their mind , which means they understand how violence is. In other words, they awake people's instinct that first step to awake potential crimes. Secondly, they teach people ways of acting violently. Each time running into an aggressive scenery on TV or experiencing a battle on games is you've learned how to use violence or murder. By the same token, people can immidiately itimate them, especially the youngsters. People may consider that violence can speak their strength and power so they'll continue using it for times. Then, it little by little becomes their bad behavior route and the level of violence used by them getting higher. Therefore, it slowly leads them to name as a crime. With all aforementioned reasons, it's beyond question that expanding number of crimes is due to brutal images on Tv or other devices and they should be checked out before being published.
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