tuanminhnguyen
Aug 21, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2; some people think that social networking sites have a damaging effect [4]
I would highly appreciate if you could give me some feedback on my essay and a possible band score. Thank you in advance!
Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?
It is true that some people think that social networking sites have had a damaging effect on individual people as well as communities. While I agree that such sites as Facebook have caused detrimental impact on individuals and society, I believe that their benefits should not be neglected.
On the one hand, the effects of Facebook and other social networking sites on each individual person and aggregate of people can be considered prejudicial. Social media sites can make us misconceive between the meaningful relationships fostered in the real world, and the various relationships established through virtual world. Rather than taking part in their local community, people are instead interested in people and activities online. Consequently, the relationships between citizens in real communities increasingly weaken. Moreover, social networking sites encourage people to be more public about their personal lives, which means that the users' privacy shall be easily invaded.
On the other hand, it is absurd to deny the beneficial effects that online social media has had. Comparing to the time before the development of technology and social networking era, people easily lost track of their friends and hardly ever had opportunities to meet with people all around the world frequently like today. Another advantage that Facebook can offer is its social groups. This is of great use to individuals of the same interests to participate in discussions and share with each other. Last but not least, Facebook may come in handy in terms of updating information due to its functionality of newsfeed.
In conclusion, although social networking sites include some disadvantages to each person and community, we should not dismiss all other outstanding aspects as detrimental.
I would highly appreciate if you could give me some feedback on my essay and a possible band score. Thank you in advance!
social networking sites
Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?
It is true that some people think that social networking sites have had a damaging effect on individual people as well as communities. While I agree that such sites as Facebook have caused detrimental impact on individuals and society, I believe that their benefits should not be neglected.
On the one hand, the effects of Facebook and other social networking sites on each individual person and aggregate of people can be considered prejudicial. Social media sites can make us misconceive between the meaningful relationships fostered in the real world, and the various relationships established through virtual world. Rather than taking part in their local community, people are instead interested in people and activities online. Consequently, the relationships between citizens in real communities increasingly weaken. Moreover, social networking sites encourage people to be more public about their personal lives, which means that the users' privacy shall be easily invaded.
On the other hand, it is absurd to deny the beneficial effects that online social media has had. Comparing to the time before the development of technology and social networking era, people easily lost track of their friends and hardly ever had opportunities to meet with people all around the world frequently like today. Another advantage that Facebook can offer is its social groups. This is of great use to individuals of the same interests to participate in discussions and share with each other. Last but not least, Facebook may come in handy in terms of updating information due to its functionality of newsfeed.
In conclusion, although social networking sites include some disadvantages to each person and community, we should not dismiss all other outstanding aspects as detrimental.
