Undergraduate / 'my close friend Jacob' - UF Essay, focused enough? Looking for opinion on it. [12]

my parents have been telling me that i havent been focused enough on myself in the essay and i was wondering if anyone believes that it is alright or needs to be subbed out for a new essay completely.

How will your individual background, experiences and personal identity influence your educational pursuits and your contributions to the campus community at the University of Florida?

The lighthearted saying, "carpe diem" is just a cheerful reminder to be more opportunistic to many people, however, for me, it means more. Throughout my life, my ideological personality has been shaped by tragic occurrences. From such unnerving tragedies, a beneficial quality has been instilled within me.

I still vividly recall the day I found out what happened to my close friend Jacob. I was in the seventh grade at the time and the two of us would play basketball every single day together since elementary school. However, this could not be anymore. He and his mother were involved in a terrible car collision, which proved more injurious to him. The accident greatly weakened the ability to use his legs and every time he would try to play, even months afterwards, his bones and muscles were not strong enough to support him. He gave up his longtime hobby due to this unfortunate event which left me with a close friend practically paralyzed throughout his legs.

Another terrible happening arose one night when I was at my neighbor's house. Every family from the cul-de-sac was gathered around the big screen television to watch the Superbowl. I recall my mother cooking while my dad conversed about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' defensive line over some drinks with friends. Suddenly, this festive gathering turned into a horrible nightmare for my family, as my father began to experience a shortness of breath and excruciating chest pain. He was rushed into the emergency room, only later to find out that his heart had failed momentarily. The doctors could find no other problems with him. For a while, I thought the worst and believed that my father would need serious medical attention, but fortunately it was not anything too severe.

From being involved in multiple untoward incidents, I am able to discern that life is fickle, and that nothing is truly set in stone. These happenings have taught me to make the most out of my opportunities, knowing that they may end at any instant, just as my afterschool games with Jacob did. This opportunistic quality will allow me to exploit every chance I receive at the collegiate level, whether it is learning something new, or meeting different people. In addition to furthering my educational pursuits, I will be able to assist others of the Gator community to see things in such a perspective. From this, they too will be able to take full advantage of their opportunities to learn and better themselves during their college experience at the University of Florida.