Posts by Honghaoli

Honghaoli

Dec 2, 2017

Graduate / The essay for USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism [6]

@Riven_Bu
Whatever you have done in this internship, I believe you have something to say regarding on the communication. like, did you process any data to make a better business, marketing decision so you kind of have insights on how you found data is being helpful in business? if so, shed a light on it!

Honghaoli

Dec 2, 2017

Graduate / The essay for USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism [6]

Hi Riven,

You are clearly very comfortable writing in English, but overall, this essay is not compelling enough to convince the admission team you are a well-rounded and prepared candidate.

First, let's talk about the program. The communication management program is more or less an integrated marketing and communications program. It teaches the concept of the brand management, social media marketing, or strategic communication. But the experiences you presented is a bit dilettante. Your experience before university should be either deleted or simplified within 100 words since this is grad school entrance essay. The survey you collected from the students should be re-written in a professional setting( in what position you delivered the jobs?) like what kind of insights you gained from these surveys and how that connected with your professional experience. You also mentioned your jobs at the consulting firms. If they strategic consulting firms, then great! you should write the skills, achievement, and motivation to pursue a master degree in each experience.

Besides, you should integrate the "which track and why part" into your essay.

On the why USC part, of course, you can say you want to intern in big name company. But the Trojan family is so powerful and well-connected. You could put it in as "Being in the Los Angeles, combined with the impeccable connection of Trojan family, I firmly believe that I will have a huge amount of exposure on entertainment industry where I can apply my theoretical guidance into practices."

Besides, there are phrases could be improved to be more idiomatic, maybe you could have this essay proofread by your English-speaking friends and professors.

Best luck with application

Honghaoli

Dec 2, 2017

Letters / Cover letter for a trainee program position at Daimler Greater China company [5]

Hi Efield,

As someone who pulled through the job-search phase this year as a graduate, I know that we all want to channel all our experiences that we assume worth mention in the cover letter, but based on my experience, a cover letter should be very concise yet with wow factor to catch the readers(probably HR or your supervisor).

For your academic background, you should not just list the things you have done. Highlight the achievement and skills that you developed from 2 to 3 experiences that are relevant to this job description. You can focus on the technical side in your academic experience and convince the reader that could be an asset to this position and company since Daimler is an automobile giant.

On the internship, it is totally ok to put it in a separate paragraph if you don't have many practical experiences. Again, don't just list the tasks because it has been said in your resume. STAR principle, though very cliche, would be helpful to organize your threads.

As far as I remember, the trainee program is actually the global management trainee program in which the competition is pretty intense, and this cover letter is more like an essay. If so, you can interpret your experience in the charity group into insights or inspirations to your career path.

Best luck with your application to this program!

Honghaoli

Oct 8, 2017

Graduate / B-School Graduate Essay (within 500-word) - marketing program MS at the Carey business school of JHU [4]

@Holt
Thank you so much. I will check the courses on the JHU website and revise my essay!

Honghaoli

Oct 8, 2017

Graduate / B-School Graduate Essay (within 500-word) - marketing program MS at the Carey business school of JHU [4]

Hi Everyone,

I am applying the ms in marketing program at the Carey business school of JHU. I have drafted the first version of the required essay, and will appreciate any comments.

business with humanity in mind

Prompt: Business with humanity in mind means many things to different people. Please explain what business with humanity in mind means to you and how you will apply your knowledge, skills and abilities to advance this ideal over the next five years. You may elaborate on any past experience you have had which demonstrates your commitment and interest in this area (500-word maximum).

Devoted to a career that not only brings values to me but also to the young generation is what business with humanities in mind means to me.

This perception came in being after I joined AIESEC, a global non-profit organization in my university. As an English major, I learned that though most of us were expected to work as translators, some aspire to work in the business world. That is why I organized a free seminar preparing majors of humanities on business-internship seeking. I led the team of 6 members to identify, negotiate, and signed the contract with 3 sponsors for event budget. I invited 3 alumni of AIESEC to share their transformation from liberal arts students to management consultant, auditor, and PR executive in front of more than 200 students. This event was applauded by local newspapers and consequently gave us much-needed exposure. But my self-fulfillment came a half year later when attendee told me that how the seminar helps them to network, to prepare the interview, and to acquire internships and even full-time jobs.

Through this mutual-help experience, I acquired this empathy that is crucial to my career advancement. In NET-A-PORTER, I expanded my connection in the fashion industry by tireless introducing newly graduated designers to major fashion magazines. In Uber, I witnessed its rise and fall in China and understood that why DIDI have the upper hand by a different young talent approach. Moving to Danone, my learning curve was steeped. While dedicated to improving the sales volume of our products on leading e-commerce clients, I generated marketing campaigns of the biggest shopping festival for start-ups operated by peer entrepreneurs. By fostering the start-ups, I learned how to evaluate the early stage e-commerce platforms, but most importantly, give them tailored marketing support for growth.

This empathy can be reflected in my short-term career goal as well. I experienced the difficulties living in the metropolitans, especially for fresh graduate who might be baffled by the prohibitive living cost. Yet as someone who cares the lifestyle of his peers, I want to create a quality yet affordable life for them. Thus, after my post-graduate studies, I plan to work in NetEast Life Selection owned by its namesake internet technology giant in China. In this e-commerce, I want to continue to provide sophisticated household designs at affordable prices. Moreover, I envisioned to open Experience Centers nearby universities. In the centers decorated as homes, students can read the concept, the manufacturing process, and consumer review behind each product by scanning via AR technology that NetEase is exploring. After the comparison, they can buy it on the mobile app at a student-discount price accompanied by 30-day refund policy in case they bought something beyond the budget. With the commitment to upgrade the living of young generation, I want to design, manufacture, and market game-changing products that are not only profitable for the corporate but is also for the young customers.

***end***

I'd appreciate if you can answer my questions below after reading.

1. Did you think this essay answered the prompt properly?

2. Is this a united essay where all the paragraphs and sentences are cohesive?

3. Did this essay properly properly address my thesis statement in the first paragraph?

4. Can you have a vague portrait about who I am in reality and do you think my qualities fit for b-school?

5.Most importantly! How do you think my career goal? Is it a feasible one that can be achieved after graduation?

You don't have to answer all the questions but I do hope that you can answer the last one concerning the career goal.

Thank you very much and have a good one!