Thank you very much helping me review my Personal Statement! The information below about the program may be helpful. My statement is in the last section.
The Program
The Master of Communication Management program teaches concepts and skills relevant to today's communication professional. You will learn how to design and execute effective communication strategies and tactics across a range of settings, such as supporting a corporation in crisis to regain credibility, or crafting a compelling story for a non-profit organization, or researching new markets for an emerging brand. Throughout the program, you will enhance your critical thinking, presentation and writing skills, to be persuasive to colleagues and clients.
·If there are other details about academic performance, etc. that you wish to share.
The Track I Choose
The Marketing Communication track focuses on the management of business communication with customers, clients and general consumers outside the organization. It is particularly valuable for individuals with career interests in marketing and sales, publicity and promotions, market research, marketing management, social marketing, advertising, public relations, public communication campaigns, and public or community affairs.
Personal Statement
Begin with the end in mind, the very first lesson I learnt from my father, has always been the guideline of my life. I was born to a textile town in a time of demographic bonus, when thousands of textile enterprises bloomed. However, after I graduated from high school, my family who owned a silk quilt company suffered great losses as a result of economic recession. Just as most of Chinese businessmen did, my father decided to open an online store to improve the situation. As the only child in my family, I was determined to help my family go through the crisis, so I took over the job of managing the online store. However, communicating with customers is sometimes tiring, and I was always confused why customer just cannot understand what I said. Fortunately, my father gave me a hand by pointing out that I should figure out the purpose before getting work on. He called this "begin with the end". Magically, I found that by clarifying my goal in mind, I barely encountered any misunderstanding in the conversation and I also received the customer feedback with a higher satisfaction. Moreover, I found myself stand at a much higher level, where I can think strategically and comprehensively. The great sense of achievement in this experience really drove my interest in communication- I felt a strong personal conviction to become an expert in the communication world who could make difference.
I do know this faith is not a business that can be undertaken in a day or swiftly improvised by a mere command of the will, so in the university, I devoted myself into various extracurricular activities, managed to grasp general skills and thus lay a firm foundation for my future ambition.
Fortunately, I did manage everything smoothly during the extracurricular experience by following the mindset of "Begin with the end". As a marketer who interacted with audience al lot, I realized that launching an event by intuition was a kind of self-serving, so I spontaneously conducted an exercising-behavior survey when I was working for the Student Union and extracted significant tags from students' answer which accounted for the unwillingness to exercise. Based on these tags, I managed to create an atmosphere of exercising by establishing an official networking account where racers could daily sign in and check their ranks. The data-based method and audience-oriented strategy proved to be effective since visible number of students joined the long-race activity. What's more, as a team player who had worked in several consulting firms, I considered every task from the end- the project's delivery and client's requirement. With such perception, I always endeavored to figure out the need of clients and tried numerous breakdown methods to obtain the intended conclusion, instead of just saying "I cannot find the information", which meant nothing but kicked the ball back to the team. The different application of my understanding toward communication-which showed to make impact on my team and audiences-gave me great self-affirmation, and encourages me to further explore this field in depth.
This exactly why I need Annenberg as my new beginning. As a student majored in economics, I do realize the profound gap between myself and an expert in advocacy skills, critical thinking ability and theoretical understanding. Annenberg School of Communication and Journalism would provide me a solid framework in communication concepts and principles, and equip me with proficient language skills which could change the way business works. Moreover, the great location of L.A. would enable me to connect with alumnus and find communication-related internships. After graduating, I believe my post-master path would begin as a marketing trainee in fast-consuming company, where I would grow rapidly and gain exposure to industry experience. Combining my career planning, I think I would choose "marketing communication" as my main focus, where I could supplement my business experience with marketing understanding. Besides, I wish myself could add value to Annenberg community as well. My consulting experience and general skillset would help my teammates work on the group project with great efficiency. To sum up, I am always setting at different start points in different periods and never fearing of missing out, since I am always clear about "my own ending".
I do like to hear some suggestions on how to tell a compelling story! Just let me know your opinions!Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Riven, there are two main questions that remain unanswered in this personal statement. The first is why you are interested in pursuing this course. We need personal reasons that do not sound like it came out of the school website. Rather than telling the reviewer what the university will provide, you should be telling the reviewer what you hope to gain beyond the obvious educational concepts in the field. Don't just say you hope to gain communication related internships. Be specific. Where do you want to intern? Why ? This information should be at the top of the page since these are specific questions within the prompt requirement. The rest of the information should be secondary in presentation. Please try to limit the presentation of the additional information to the development of your interest in the field. In the last paragraph, you can remove the following lines:
Besides, I wish myself could add value to Annenberg community as well. ..."my own ending".
You need to reformat the paragraphs for clarity. First respond to the specific questions and then, present a shorter, but more informative foundation discussion. It also appears that you do not have any notable academic accomplishments. You may want to explain about that and explain about your GPA as a college student in relation to your application. You should discuss this because of the prompt asks you to present details about your academic performance and, in addition to that, any profession related participation that you have of relevance such as internships or club related activities that call attention to your proficiency in the field.
Right now, the essay feels like it is running too long without really presenting a compelling story. You can produce a compelling story if you learn how to choose the highlights of your academic and professional life and then present these in an imaginative manner within the narrative.
Hi Riven,
You are clearly very comfortable writing in English, but overall, this essay is not compelling enough to convince the admission team you are a well-rounded and prepared candidate.
First, let's talk about the program. The communication management program is more or less an integrated marketing and communications program. It teaches the concept of the brand management, social media marketing, or strategic communication. But the experiences you presented is a bit dilettante. Your experience before university should be either deleted or simplified within 100 words since this is grad school entrance essay. The survey you collected from the students should be re-written in a professional setting( in what position you delivered the jobs?) like what kind of insights you gained from these surveys and how that connected with your professional experience. You also mentioned your jobs at the consulting firms. If they strategic consulting firms, then great! you should write the skills, achievement, and motivation to pursue a master degree in each experience.
Besides, you should integrate the "which track and why part" into your essay.
On the why USC part, of course, you can say you want to intern in big name company. But the Trojan family is so powerful and well-connected. You could put it in as "Being in the Los Angeles, combined with the impeccable connection of Trojan family, I firmly believe that I will have a huge amount of exposure on entertainment industry where I can apply my theoretical guidance into practices."
Besides, there are phrases could be improved to be more idiomatic, maybe you could have this essay proofread by your English-speaking friends and professors.
Best luck with application
@Riven_Bu
Whatever you have done in this internship, I believe you have something to say regarding on the communication. like, did you process any data to make a better business, marketing decision so you kind of have insights on how you found data is being helpful in business? if so, shed a light on it!
