mike920125
Sep 28, 2009
Undergraduate / 'some kind of medical career' - Umich admission essay LSA: career [5]
Try use different kinds of sentences.
Too much "I ..."
Try use different kinds of sentences.
Too much "I ..."
mike920125
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "I'm like a lot of things" - Is this good? UCF/Tufts [6]
Topic is interesting.
But I think the certain "quality" you want to convey is not THAT clear.
Topic is interesting.
But I think the certain "quality" you want to convey is not THAT clear.
mike920125
Sep 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "To stand out among 40,000+ students" - umich diversity essay [5]
Most of your essay is about how you think of diversity.
The purpose of this essay is to show your experience which helps you to be different from other people.
You must reconsider it and write about your experiences or achievements etc.
Good Luck!
Most of your essay is about how you think of diversity.
The purpose of this essay is to show your experience which helps you to be different from other people.
You must reconsider it and write about your experiences or achievements etc.
Good Luck!
mike920125
Sep 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "Being a Beijing Yatou..." [university of michigan (diversity)] [5]
Beijing Yatou ... Nice touch!
Although every Chinese is familiar with such a call, not many foreigners know about it.
I'll probably call myself Ye Mener sometimes... Haha
Beijing Yatou ... Nice touch!
Although every Chinese is familiar with such a call, not many foreigners know about it.
I'll probably call myself Ye Mener sometimes... Haha
mike920125
Sep 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "Success doesn't come to you" - UCF Essay [4]
Most of your essay is telling how great UCF is.
I think you should tell something more about yourself and let admission officer sense the match between you and UCF.
Most of your essay is telling how great UCF is.
I think you should tell something more about yourself and let admission officer sense the match between you and UCF.
mike920125
Sep 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Engineering Essay - Aircraft doors [4]
I think it's pretty good.
Very unique angle and points.
I like it!
Good luck!
I think it's pretty good.
Very unique angle and points.
I like it!
Good luck!
mike920125
Sep 10, 2009
Undergraduate / "you guys sing too fast!" j- Short Writing For Common Application [12]
Em...
I got you this time.
But ...
I'm not sure about whether the essay let me sense your idea or Notoman's comments let me know your idea in the first place.
Pretty good I guess.
Em...
I got you this time.
But ...
I'm not sure about whether the essay let me sense your idea or Notoman's comments let me know your idea in the first place.
Pretty good I guess.
mike920125
Sep 8, 2009
Undergraduate / "you guys sing too fast!" j- Short Writing For Common Application [12]
I'm not native either, so I can hardly say something about the use of language.
After reading the essay, I only get that you made a mouth motion and controlled the chorus. It is like just a simple story, which also seems a little bit unimportant. I think it is better if you could write something about what you've learned or understood through an activity in addition to telling the story.
It is my personal opinion, don't take it too serious.
I'm not native either, so I can hardly say something about the use of language.
After reading the essay, I only get that you made a mouth motion and controlled the chorus. It is like just a simple story, which also seems a little bit unimportant. I think it is better if you could write something about what you've learned or understood through an activity in addition to telling the story.
It is my personal opinion, don't take it too serious.