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Posts by maureleus
Name: Marcus Yu
Joined: Oct 21, 2017
Last Post: Oct 26, 2017
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

From: US
School: Hunter College High School

Displayed posts: 4
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maureleus   
Oct 26, 2017
Undergraduate / My Essay for College Admission: Atlas. (Tell me how it sounds, and of course where to improve) [3]

my mother - holding the sky on her back



For the five first years of my life, I knew only the dirt roads and rice paddies of Wenzhou, China, oblivious to my parents' struggles of which I was the cause. My mother was twenty-one when she gave birth to me. At the time, her home in America was nothing more than the grey basement of another immigrant, while I lived carefree with my grandparents, my neighbor's mad dog, the monsoons that turned the roads into rivers, and the drunk uncle who tricked me into drinking alcohol that he poured out a soda bottle.

I returned to America to find my parents managing a tiny clothing factory in a rundown red brick building in Corona, Queens. I loved the factory. I loved the smell of the greasy sewing machines. I loved playing with the loose pieces of cloth and plastic hangers that littered the dirty beige floor. I pretended that I was a knight: the cloth my armor and the hanger my sword. I pretended that my mother was locked away in a stone tower that had only a single, barred window. There, leaning against the black iron, my mother sighed with exhaustion. She constantly peered out the window and looked up at the brilliant blue sky.

I was eight when the factory closed. My mother soon found work, but my father only found a gambling addiction. In order to pull my father's weight, she started a side business making accessories. Some nights, squatting over piles of metal and fake leather, my little brother and I prepared the ingredients which my mother used to cook up tantalizing purses and wallets. She gave us a few cents for each thing we prepared so that my brother and I would have money to spend. Other nights, we took turns trying to relieve her fatigue by kneading her knotted muscles with what strength our little hands had.

I took away what I could from my mother. I was nine when I took away her grimy dishes, the dusty cabinets, the putrid garbage. I was twelve when I took away the responsibility of taking care of my brother. Each afternoon, I rushed over to Thomas Jefferson Elementary to walk him home. I tutored him and made sure that he finished his homework. Like my mother did for me, I made sure that he never went hungry. But it wasn't until I was fourteen that I learned to take away the heaviest responsibility of all: my own responsibility. With each B- that I brought home, I put a few more pounds on my mother's shoulders. I was so busy trying to pull some of my mother's weight that I forgot to pull my own. So I put down the remote control and picked up a textbook.

If the sky fell down tomorrow, my mother would simply pick it up. She was Atlas, holding the sky on her back. She taught me that no matter how dire a situation may seem, there will always be a way out. It may take one week, one year, or for her, one lifetime, but at the end of the tunnel is a new beginning. For years, she carried the burden of being the sole provider for four people, yet my mother's unwavering determination and hard work kept us from going hungry. I can only hope to repay her, a few cents at a time.
maureleus   
Oct 22, 2017
Undergraduate / Im applying for AUC in Egypt, and I would appreciate it if you take the time and look at my essay. [3]

A tip that I read recently on writing admissions essays is to replace the school you're trying to get into with the name of another school. Why is AUC the right place for you to study marketing, economics, and psychology? How exactly is it different from other schools? For example, when you mentioned "the great minds and pioneers," who exactly are you referring too? What exactly attracts you to AUC? Try to answer these questions in your essay, and I'm sure that it'll become much more effective as an admissions essay.
maureleus   
Oct 21, 2017
Scholarship / Different experiences that had sharpened my leadership skills - Chevening application [5]

Try to avoid defining "leadership" in the beginning of your essay. It's better to "show-not-tell."

... the department. at that time (...) the levels which was affecting the general ...

Instead of using "affecting", try to describe how exactly it affected the students. Also, mention what Department you're talking about.

I was able to speak to the lecturers -> I spoke to the lecturers.

They got very interested ... -> They became interested and participated fully
maureleus   
Oct 21, 2017
Undergraduate / Cornell School of Hotel Administration Essay, How Does It Look So Far? Does It Answer The Question? [5]

The global hospitality industry includes hotel and foodservice management, real estate, finance, entrepreneurship, marketing, technology, and law. Describe what has influenced your decision to study business through the lens of hospitality. What personal qualities make you a good fit for SHA?

small community with big heart



I grew up surrounded by business. My parents were independent people and didn't want to work for others, so they pursued business. They dabbled in fashion, baby products and recently, Chinese medicine. Neither of them went to college, yet their dedication led to them where they are now. I knew that business would be my calling as well.

During the summer before my senior year, I volunteered in meal service at a senior center. Although it wasn't a paid job, my experience at the senior center helped solidify my conviction that business should be both personal and practical. Being able to interact with both people and food made the job, which seemed tedious at first, something that I want to keep doing. That summer, I learned how picky seniors could be: if there wasn't enough gravy, they complained; if there was too much gravy, they complained. However, they deserve every right to be picky. They've lived a long life, each with their own successes and failures. But to make them forget their failures and worries, even if just momentarily, is something that only hospitality can do. What hospitality can do is take a regular moment, a regular dish, a regular day, and transform it into a luxurious experience. By no means am I claiming that I'm capable of accomplishing such a feat, that is simply the end goal. To make the most out of anything-I believe that that is the essence of hospitality and business. It's what my parents had being doing for decades, and it's what I want to do for the decades to come.

Among the schools that I've visited, Cornell enchanted me the most. When the tour guide mentioned that students from the Hotel School were given the opportunity to run the Statler Hotel, I realized that the education SHA provides must be incredible. To be able to run a hotel, even if only for one week, is no easy task. Yet SHA makes it possible. Hotelies are given the opportunities to not only build the foundations required to be a successful entrepreneur, but also to train their culinary skills. Food has long been a passion of mine, and so when I enter the restaurant business, I'll be versed in both cooking and management.

SHA doesn't just stuff lectures into their student's ears: it prepares its students to be on the vanguard of the hospitality industry. With a multitude tantalizing courses, each taught by hospitality genius, in food and beverages, entrepreneurship, and management offered at SHA, it's impossible for me not to apply. Along with the courses offered within the college, we're able to explore our other interests in over 4000 other courses. In addition, the ability to spend over 800 hours actually working in real-world situations ensures that I'll be able to gain valuable work experience while pursuing what I love. The education the Hotel School offers is not only diverse, but also practical. The Hotel School truly prepares its students to succeed immediately after graduation. Yet, with so many opportunities at the school, I wouldn't want to leave in just four years!

Being from a school with only two-hundred students per grade, I'm already accustomed to small communities with big hearts. Smaller community allows each member to better support each other. If I need help at SHA, I'll be able to get help. And likewise, if others need help, I'll be able to give help. I prefer not doing things alone, whether it be working out or wading through the swamp that is the college process. But within SHA, I know that there is a bottomless reservoir full of resources and people that will help me succeed. At SHA, I know that I'll be able to add myself to that reservoir.
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