Posts by Bella0825

Bella0825

Sep 20, 2009

Undergraduate / "better interpersonal relationship" - UC Prompt #2 [10]

This is definitely a very different approach you took for the essay. Being a transfer student and applying to UCs this year as well, this is a likable response. But for some reason I feel like it doesn't stand out as much as I would want it to be. Its different, which should make it stand out..but this essay is lacking some ingredient that is not making the essay strong enough.

Hope that helps!

Bella0825

Sep 20, 2009

Undergraduate / Elaborate on ONE of your activities (common application) (basketball) [14]

I like the first one because you are making the reader stay in the basketball court with you. With the "I smile at these sights, feeling satisfied and accomplished. I savor every moment of touching that ball", makes me wonder what happens next. Makes me feel like I am in a game. But that is just my opinion.

Hope it helps!

Bella0825

Sep 20, 2009

Undergraduate / Emigrating from India, my parents insisted that I work; COMMON APP - TRANSFER [6]

hey guys, so I made some amendments which definitely shrank it. Below is the updated version. I would really appreciate if you could comment on this version!

Emigrating from India, my parents insisted that I work, to provide income and send money to India. My first quarter taking calculus was an arduous experience during the summer of 2008. Between the compressed schedule of a summer course and the pressure of working full time, I found it difficult to find time for my studies. My obligations to my family began to interfere with my studies and caused my academics to suffer.

As the summer ended, I knew working full time was a distraction to my academics. However as school ended my troubles continued. My parents decided to take some time apart due to unreconcible differences which made my mother leave for India. I dedicated my time between my family duties, working three days a week and managing a heavy course load. With my time split I attempted to manage my academics, however my grades faltered and calculus once again was a blemish on my academics.

Winter quarter approached and I knew I had to control my academics and pass math. I informed my father that I had to take time off from work and dedicate my time to my studies. He was against my decision, since I was the second income, but in order to advance; I had to make this decision, a decision that rejuvenated my determination and encouraged me to boldly and unashamedly advertise my interests and aspirations.

Bella0825

Sep 20, 2009

Undergraduate / Emigrating from India, my parents insisted that I work; COMMON APP - TRANSFER [6]

Yes, I did pass it with flying colours. It is a big stain on my transcript that I need to discuss. Thank you very much for the feedback, Sean and Simone :)

Bella0825

Sep 19, 2009

Undergraduate / Emigrating from India, my parents insisted that I work; COMMON APP - TRANSFER [6]

Hey guys. Following is supposed to be a 200 word essay for UC application. It is not a part of the regular essays that are 1000 words in total. This essay is an optional essay to discuss about any academic issue there is I would like to discuss with the admissions. Feel free to correct any errors. Thanks for taking your time into reading this! This essay is definitely over the word limit, so if you could kindly help me make it under the required limit.

Emigrating from India, my parents insisted that I work, to provide income and send money to India. My first quarter taking calculus was an arduous experience during the summer of 2008. With the speed of courses taught during the summer and the pressure of working full time during the summer I ran into difficulties with time management. My obligations to my family began to interfere with my studies and caused my academics to suffer.

As the summer of 2008 ended, I knew working full time was a distraction to my academics. However as school ended my troubles continued. My parents decided to take some time apart due to unreconcible differences which made my mother leave for India. I dedicated time to my family and mentored my sister while working 3 days a week and attending school. This limited the time available towards school. I faltered once again and tried to improve my grades. I salvaged chemistry and art; however calculus once again was the blemish in my academics.

Winter quarter approached and I knew I had to control my academics and pass math. I informed my father that I had to take time off from work and dedicate my time to my studies. He was against my decision, however it was necessary, in order to advance. It was tough going against my father, since I was a second income in the family, but it was the most important decision I have made, a decision that played the biggest impact on my future.