naj12
Feb 4, 2018
Scholarship / Scholarship - Good health and well-being / Master's programme in Sweden [3]
Thank you so much!
Thank you so much!
naj12
Feb 3, 2018
Scholarship / Scholarship - Good health and well-being / Master's programme in Sweden [3]
Choose one of the UN Sustainable Development Goals (SDG) from the list below and describe how your professional position and/ or engagement in a network/ civil society organisation relates to the goal. [Max 1000 characters incl. spaces]
Goal 3: Good health and well-being
As a clinical dietitian intern, I have witnessed how a mother's late enquiry about her child's poor nutritional status can be detrimental for the child's proper growth and development. Unfortunately, we still suffer from a wide gap between community myths and practices and professional dietetic help when pregnancy and child rearing is concerned. According to the Global Health Observatory (GHO) data repository, Lebanon's highest rates of child mortality are related to prematurity, and perinatal and nutritional conditions. For the growth of a prosperous society, I believe the work on Goal 3 should start from the prenatal stages. From proper nutrition before pregnancy, to during pregnancy, to correct lactation, to proper food introduction, everything counts. I believe a degree in Nutrition and Dietetics can significantly aid in the progress towards the achievement of good health and well-being of people.
Describe, using concrete examples, how the master's programme you plan to study in Sweden will contribute to your ability to address the UN SDG you have chosen above. [Max 800 characters incl. spaces]
The master's programme in Global Health is an essential element for my educated progress towards Goal 3 in Lebanon. This programme will provide me with the much-needed one-on-one collaboration with actual researchers from various research teams. Acquiring the practical set of skills and knowledge on addressing the current global health challenges is the cornerstone from where I plan to grow. The latest data collected by GHO dates to 2015. When armed with the necessary knowledge, collaborating with local NGOs or organizations, for new region by region assessment, will be different and well-informed. Furthermore, I hope to learn of better techniques for effective educational and preventative programs targeting especially schools and villages.
Choose one of the UN Sustainable Development Goals (SDG) from the list below and describe how your professional position and/ or engagement in a network/ civil society organisation relates to the goal. [Max 1000 characters incl. spaces]
Motivational Letter for Scholarship
Goal 3: Good health and well-being
As a clinical dietitian intern, I have witnessed how a mother's late enquiry about her child's poor nutritional status can be detrimental for the child's proper growth and development. Unfortunately, we still suffer from a wide gap between community myths and practices and professional dietetic help when pregnancy and child rearing is concerned. According to the Global Health Observatory (GHO) data repository, Lebanon's highest rates of child mortality are related to prematurity, and perinatal and nutritional conditions. For the growth of a prosperous society, I believe the work on Goal 3 should start from the prenatal stages. From proper nutrition before pregnancy, to during pregnancy, to correct lactation, to proper food introduction, everything counts. I believe a degree in Nutrition and Dietetics can significantly aid in the progress towards the achievement of good health and well-being of people.
Describe, using concrete examples, how the master's programme you plan to study in Sweden will contribute to your ability to address the UN SDG you have chosen above. [Max 800 characters incl. spaces]
The master's programme in Global Health is an essential element for my educated progress towards Goal 3 in Lebanon. This programme will provide me with the much-needed one-on-one collaboration with actual researchers from various research teams. Acquiring the practical set of skills and knowledge on addressing the current global health challenges is the cornerstone from where I plan to grow. The latest data collected by GHO dates to 2015. When armed with the necessary knowledge, collaborating with local NGOs or organizations, for new region by region assessment, will be different and well-informed. Furthermore, I hope to learn of better techniques for effective educational and preventative programs targeting especially schools and villages.
naj12
Jan 21, 2018
Graduate / Statement of Intent for Masters in Global Health [5]
Thank you so much! Your guidance has been very helpful. I will re-edit it again. However, I was slightly confused about what you meant with "citing clear references". If it means being more specific with my interest in this particular university, I think I did that to some extent. The university has 4 research groups with respect to the global health program, and I specified my interest in the "Health Systems and Policy" research group and the sub-group "Maternal & Child and Clinical Care". Should I talk about my preference to their syllabus or discuss of one of their published works that struck me? Please enlighten me so I can expand Par. 3 accordingly. thank you again :)
Thank you so much! Your guidance has been very helpful. I will re-edit it again. However, I was slightly confused about what you meant with "citing clear references". If it means being more specific with my interest in this particular university, I think I did that to some extent. The university has 4 research groups with respect to the global health program, and I specified my interest in the "Health Systems and Policy" research group and the sub-group "Maternal & Child and Clinical Care". Should I talk about my preference to their syllabus or discuss of one of their published works that struck me? Please enlighten me so I can expand Par. 3 accordingly. thank you again :)
naj12
Jan 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / Homework is unnecessary, do you agree? [6]
I might agree with you on several matters. However, as a reader I felt the essay's tone was angry and frustrated. This could be due to just bashing the current system of daily assigned homework without expanding your ideas and suggestions of a definite alternative. Also it's confusing to state of "many perspectives" and not to state them or who's perspectives are they. Another point I noticed was "pupils" and "they are in developing stage" gave me hints that you are talking about the homework system with regards to children only. It would be a stronger argument if you clearly stated that within your introductory paragraph. Moreover, when you say "assorted soft skills and valuable lessons", it it important to actually explain further. It is best to always assume your general audience do not know everything and thus defining new terms such as "assorted soft skills" would create a stronger argument. The exception to that is simply knowing your audience i.e. this argument will be assessed by the committee of so and so or such.
Other than that there are few suggestions I would like you to consider:
Thisresults may result in bad health, especially since they are in their developing stages as well as affects their concentration may be damaged in the next day. ... they are also bad at paving the way for a weak academic performance ...
... indeed minimises students' spare...
...for interacting with the society andlearn learning assorted...
...it stands students in good stead... --> this statement is confusing as "stead" means a substitute for something or someone
...housework,to play with their friends, and get involved with things they are really passionate about...
...daily assignment should not bediscouraged encouraged...
... educational quality and one of the reasons is their systemis being completely free from homework free.
In the nutshell... --> I would suggest using a more formal linking phrase such as For these reasons, or In short,
I hope my feedback is helpful :)
I might agree with you on several matters. However, as a reader I felt the essay's tone was angry and frustrated. This could be due to just bashing the current system of daily assigned homework without expanding your ideas and suggestions of a definite alternative. Also it's confusing to state of "many perspectives" and not to state them or who's perspectives are they. Another point I noticed was "pupils" and "they are in developing stage" gave me hints that you are talking about the homework system with regards to children only. It would be a stronger argument if you clearly stated that within your introductory paragraph. Moreover, when you say "assorted soft skills and valuable lessons", it it important to actually explain further. It is best to always assume your general audience do not know everything and thus defining new terms such as "assorted soft skills" would create a stronger argument. The exception to that is simply knowing your audience i.e. this argument will be assessed by the committee of so and so or such.
Other than that there are few suggestions I would like you to consider:
This
... indeed minimises students' spare...
...for interacting with the society and
...it stands students in good stead... --> this statement is confusing as "stead" means a substitute for something or someone
...housework,
...daily assignment should not be
... educational quality and one of the reasons is their system
In the nutshell... --> I would suggest using a more formal linking phrase such as For these reasons, or In short,
I hope my feedback is helpful :)
naj12
Jan 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing Test Task2： Exercise alone or with a group of people [5]
I am presuming this topic question would be the "TOEFL Independent Writing Task". Based on the TOEFL scoring rubrics available on their website, I would give your essay a score of 3.
For being pro exercising with a group, making new friends and sharing experiences as well as staying motivated are good reasons. My main issues are the weak verb conjugations, weak sentence structures, and the rigid transitioning between ideas.
For instance, I would alter your current 1st paragraph as follows:
Exercise is importantto for everybody. Doing exercise allow us to be It keeps us energetic and healthy. In the modern society, some people prefer to do exercise alone while others like to join a team work enjoy working out in a group. Personally, I prefer the latter one. While both techniques are efficient, I personally prefer the latter.
If I am to change it completely, I would make it as follows:
In a modern society were independence is sought, exercising alone is usually preferred. However, working out in a group has a lot of benefits than one may think. As social beings, we tend to feel better and work harder when grouped. Thus when an emotionally and physically draining activity, such as working out, is in question, having a gym buddy or a support group is a game changer.
If you can notice, in this version I have made the reader aware of my preference without stating it word for word. In the last sentence I created room for my supporting ideas to be later developed in the body paragraphs.
Again I am no expert and this is just my opinion on your essay. I hope my feedback helps you in some way :)
I am presuming this topic question would be the "TOEFL Independent Writing Task". Based on the TOEFL scoring rubrics available on their website, I would give your essay a score of 3.
For being pro exercising with a group, making new friends and sharing experiences as well as staying motivated are good reasons. My main issues are the weak verb conjugations, weak sentence structures, and the rigid transitioning between ideas.
For instance, I would alter your current 1st paragraph as follows:
Exercise is important
If I am to change it completely, I would make it as follows:
In a modern society were independence is sought, exercising alone is usually preferred. However, working out in a group has a lot of benefits than one may think. As social beings, we tend to feel better and work harder when grouped. Thus when an emotionally and physically draining activity, such as working out, is in question, having a gym buddy or a support group is a game changer.
If you can notice, in this version I have made the reader aware of my preference without stating it word for word. In the last sentence I created room for my supporting ideas to be later developed in the body paragraphs.
Again I am no expert and this is just my opinion on your essay. I hope my feedback helps you in some way :)
naj12
Dec 26, 2017
Graduate / Statement of Intent for Masters in Global Health [5]
I was confused to some extent with what I wrote...Thank you so much!
I will redo it and hopefully upload it again
I was confused to some extent with what I wrote...Thank you so much!
I will redo it and hopefully upload it again
naj12
Dec 25, 2017
Graduate / Statement of Intent for Masters in Global Health [5]
Please describe why you are applying specifically to the Master's Programme in Global Health and to XXXX OOOO, and explain why you believe you are a good candidate. The arguments you use as well as the format and structure of the statement will be assessed. Make sure all text is shown in the text field (do not exceed the text field).
I've always thought to help others, I must become a physician. I thought once I have an MD, I will be able to understand the pain of others and help in their healing. Thus, I set my goals straight. I told myself, I will finish my Bachelors of Nutrition and Dietetics and directly apply for medical school. I had everything planned.
Life has its twists and turns. Only after taking a turn, you see what's around the corner. Not getting into medical school was devastating. However, I wasn't going to stop there. I went on to do a six months internship for my degree in a local hospital. It was during my internship that I had realized, I had everything wrong. I failed to realize that helping an individual can go many miles beyond the direct knowledge of the human anatomy.
As a clinical dietitian intern, I monitored my patients' nutritional status and created a bond with them. I educated a man on how to live healthy with a colostomy bag attached and convinced a woman that she could still breastfeed even if she works. I remember a patient with Crohn's Disease and Short Bowl Syndrome always being admitted for the same reason of abdominal distension and discomfort. No one had informed her that her solution was simple, she just had to modify her eating habits. Such experiences and many more reshaped my understanding of what makes anyone an effective healer or helper.
Working in a hospital also gave me the opportunity to see real physicians in action. I saw how they took patient histories, monitored lab values, and prescribed medications. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with the system. Doctors spent half if not most of their time filling out insurance forms for their patients. They had to make sure the hospital would be properly reimbursed. Then came the medication forms. If those forms weren't filled meticulously, insurance companies wouldn't cover the medication fee. Moreover, patients would get readmitted two or three months later for the same medical reason because they can't afford the medication.
Not directly getting into medical school after graduating, was indeed a blessing in disguise. I was too concerned about a piece of a much larger puzzle. I realized that people were so much more the patients in need of medical attention. People are humans deserving of proper healthcare and awareness.
I am essentially drawn to the Global Health (GH) program, because it is a multi-layered transitioning step for a much-informed action-taking. I am still interested in pursuing medicine in the future. However, I want to gain more experience on public health research on the global scale beforehand. I want to learn from the better and improve on what we have in my home country.
I believe XXXX OOOO (XO) is the right choice for me. Not only is it one of the reputable medical universities in Europe, it's GH program is very well structured and explained. The opportunity for conducting the master's thesis research abroad is truly captivating for field experience. Moreover, the current GH research projects being conducted at XO are inspiring.
I believe I have the will power and commitment to excel in this program. Through my undergraduate coursework, epidemiological research experience, volunteer work, extra-curricular activities, and internship, I have gained a broad knowledge and understanding that is yet to be enhanced. I hope my contributions will enrich the diversity and scope of research of the program. Furthermore, I am confident that joining this program is the right step for acquiring the necessary knowledge and skills to thrive stronger in my career path.
PS. I didn't write extensively about all of my experiences as this letter is directly attached to my CV. I thought it would be redundant to restate my CV in paragraph format. Thank you so much in advance!
Please describe why you are applying specifically to the Master's Programme in Global Health and to XXXX OOOO, and explain why you believe you are a good candidate. The arguments you use as well as the format and structure of the statement will be assessed. Make sure all text is shown in the text field (do not exceed the text field).
I set my goals straight
I've always thought to help others, I must become a physician. I thought once I have an MD, I will be able to understand the pain of others and help in their healing. Thus, I set my goals straight. I told myself, I will finish my Bachelors of Nutrition and Dietetics and directly apply for medical school. I had everything planned.
Life has its twists and turns. Only after taking a turn, you see what's around the corner. Not getting into medical school was devastating. However, I wasn't going to stop there. I went on to do a six months internship for my degree in a local hospital. It was during my internship that I had realized, I had everything wrong. I failed to realize that helping an individual can go many miles beyond the direct knowledge of the human anatomy.
As a clinical dietitian intern, I monitored my patients' nutritional status and created a bond with them. I educated a man on how to live healthy with a colostomy bag attached and convinced a woman that she could still breastfeed even if she works. I remember a patient with Crohn's Disease and Short Bowl Syndrome always being admitted for the same reason of abdominal distension and discomfort. No one had informed her that her solution was simple, she just had to modify her eating habits. Such experiences and many more reshaped my understanding of what makes anyone an effective healer or helper.
Working in a hospital also gave me the opportunity to see real physicians in action. I saw how they took patient histories, monitored lab values, and prescribed medications. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with the system. Doctors spent half if not most of their time filling out insurance forms for their patients. They had to make sure the hospital would be properly reimbursed. Then came the medication forms. If those forms weren't filled meticulously, insurance companies wouldn't cover the medication fee. Moreover, patients would get readmitted two or three months later for the same medical reason because they can't afford the medication.
Not directly getting into medical school after graduating, was indeed a blessing in disguise. I was too concerned about a piece of a much larger puzzle. I realized that people were so much more the patients in need of medical attention. People are humans deserving of proper healthcare and awareness.
I am essentially drawn to the Global Health (GH) program, because it is a multi-layered transitioning step for a much-informed action-taking. I am still interested in pursuing medicine in the future. However, I want to gain more experience on public health research on the global scale beforehand. I want to learn from the better and improve on what we have in my home country.
I believe XXXX OOOO (XO) is the right choice for me. Not only is it one of the reputable medical universities in Europe, it's GH program is very well structured and explained. The opportunity for conducting the master's thesis research abroad is truly captivating for field experience. Moreover, the current GH research projects being conducted at XO are inspiring.
I believe I have the will power and commitment to excel in this program. Through my undergraduate coursework, epidemiological research experience, volunteer work, extra-curricular activities, and internship, I have gained a broad knowledge and understanding that is yet to be enhanced. I hope my contributions will enrich the diversity and scope of research of the program. Furthermore, I am confident that joining this program is the right step for acquiring the necessary knowledge and skills to thrive stronger in my career path.
PS. I didn't write extensively about all of my experiences as this letter is directly attached to my CV. I thought it would be redundant to restate my CV in paragraph format. Thank you so much in advance!
