Posts by hanhndvn

hanhndvn

Mar 16, 2018

Writing Feedback / IELTS A.W Task 2: people should keep all the money and not pay tax to the state [2]

Dear Polin_Togatorop,

There is something you may want to consider further here.

"Some people say an ability to save ..." => This sentence is grammatically incorrect because the part "should not pay tax" does not have an appropriate subject.

It is also better to consider formal style in which "stuff" should not be used.
"The result, most of the people ..." "The result" cannot be a linking device. "Because" should be used before a clause while "because of" is used before a noun.

Thank you!

hanhndvn

Mar 3, 2018

Writing Feedback / Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? [5]

Hi Alecen, I hope you could improve your writing skills, especially for IELTS. There are some good things such as your explanation and ideas. However, here are some of the points you can consider in order to improve your band score.

Firstly, the overall style is not formal enough. You used too many pronouns (we, you) while we should use the topic-related terms only. In addition, you repeated the vocabulary of the given topic in your introduction, which is a minus to your Lexical Resource and your word count as well.

Secondly, you should check your grammar carefully. You should not say ". But," while ". However," or ", but" is correct. There are mistakes with "thought us that" and "many examplary" also.

Thank you. These are some of the things you may want to work on.

hanhndvn

Jan 13, 2018

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: FAMILY ROLE CHANGES (Causes and Positive/Negative) [2]

Topic: These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

family model evolution

Traditional parental roles, in the few recent decades, have witnessed their own transformation with numerous women taking the role of the breadwinners and their spouses as stay-at-home dads. This phenomenon obviously takes root in several premises, some of which will be clarified hereinafter with particular emphasis on its positive impacts on blood-related relationships and the society at large.

The transforming roles can be substantially attributed to the current job market requirements and the mindset changes as well.The mentioned changes in commonly-posted job description mean, thanks to the accelerated technological advances, the contracted number of physical-challenging job positions and the ample chances for intellectual jobs, more available job opportunities for qualified women. The current working conditions, at the same time, favour women with the sufficient benefit packages such as extended maternal leaves and insurance to guarantee the productivity rates. The second worth-mentioning factor lies in the lessened stereotypes of fixed gender roles with a hard-working husband and a household wife. To be more specific, if the whole family is supported wholly by the mother, the 21-century husband need not suffer from the embarrassment or stressful judgements as those in the past. The modern open-minded society, in light of the women's empowerment success, also accepts women at higher positions not to mention the crucial political roles, for example, Theresa Mary May as the Prime Minister of the U.K.

This equal status of both genders in family, stemming from aforementioned causes, has been benefiting the family life and the society as well. Firstly, the trend yields the tremendous merits to the young generation with fairly balanced supports from their parents. To illustrate, the career-oriented fathers who, in the old days, often devoted his lifetime for career prospects now can allocate his time for child-rearing, thus developing the positive male traits, such as strength and determination for his children. At the same time, the caring mother can still play a undeniable role despite the tight working schedule. Secondly, on the society ground, with the best of both genders increasing their potential capacity at work, the workplace performance and the overall development would be heightened. The feasible creativity from the other half of the world could bring more life-changing innovations for business, with more attempts to contribute to gender equality campaigns.

In conclusion, several timely catalysts have been changing the family roles as analyzed above, with considerably advantageous influences on the family and also on the worldwide scale.