danielh
Nov 5, 2009
danielh
Sep 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / Comparison essay with subject on tolerance and power. [11]
To EF_Sean
Hmm, I better be more careful with how I word things next time. Actually it wasn't until recently that I figured out what makes and exceptional essay. This is one of my first essays where I tried to write like an actual high school student instead of an elementary kid with great diction.
Thanks again for the feedback Jeannie!
My teacher is really busy now so I probably won't get any feedback from him for another week or two.
To EF_Sean
Hmm, I better be more careful with how I word things next time. Actually it wasn't until recently that I figured out what makes and exceptional essay. This is one of my first essays where I tried to write like an actual high school student instead of an elementary kid with great diction.
Thanks again for the feedback Jeannie!
My teacher is really busy now so I probably won't get any feedback from him for another week or two.
danielh
Sep 14, 2009
Writing Feedback / Comparison essay with subject on tolerance and power. [11]
Hi Jeannie! Thanks again for the pointers. I was too paranoid over using "I" and "you" that I overlooked some of the more obvious things.
I think it's normal for people to be a little worried or concerned over things they care about. I know I would if my teacher was that strict.
Anyways take care and good luck with your studies!
Hi Jeannie! Thanks again for the pointers. I was too paranoid over using "I" and "you" that I overlooked some of the more obvious things.
I think it's normal for people to be a little worried or concerned over things they care about. I know I would if my teacher was that strict.
Anyways take care and good luck with your studies!
danielh
Sep 13, 2009
Essays / I am having trouble differentiating between several terms needed for an essay [5]
I don't know how I managed to do this but I meant to post this thread under General Writing Questions. At least this is still essay related.
I don't know how I managed to do this but I meant to post this thread under General Writing Questions. At least this is still essay related.
danielh
Sep 13, 2009
Essays / I am having trouble differentiating between several terms needed for an essay [5]
On an essay outline I recieved recently, there are a lot of terms that I am unfamiliar with. Funny enough I don't know what "term" means in this context:
"Topical Sentence(s): Begin with a rhetorical question, a discussion of the terms, or a quotation. Outline your understanding of the terms and topic."
It is also suggested that I:
"Define or Interpret the terms that are given to you. Rather than making your chosen text fit within the confines of the terms that are given to you, make the terms fit to your text. The terms you are given are synonymous to or easily associated to other things. eg. Security: Acceptance from others, confidence, safety, etc..."
I also need to consider the following in an essay I have to write in response to an article:
diction
terminology
syntax
rhetorical devices
figurative and poetic devices
literal/figurative language
theme
message
tone
voice
style
genre
I already asked my teacher for help but I'm still not clear on a couple things.
My understanding is that diction and terminology is the same thing and they indicate the use of hard words/ advanced vocab. Syntax is how well the words were put together (so a very long sketchy comment would most likely have poor syntax).
I think rhetorical, figurative, and poetic devices are the same and they are examples of metaphors, similes, rhetorical questions, personification, anthropomorphy, and anything that induces imagery.
The theme and message is the moral/message of the literature. I have a feeling though that they are supposed to be two different things.
Tone is the emotion conveyed to the reader through the diction and syntax. But I don't understand how tone is different from voice and style?
Genre is the setting of the literature (but not necessarily time and place). A scientific article would have a totally different genre from Jungle Book (the latter I find is a lot easier to describe).
I think I got most of these terms correct, but if there is a mistake please correct me. Without thouroughly knowing these terms, it is impossible for me to write a good essay knowing my teachers and professors will like it, and the writter's block that comes with the stress is always fun to deal with.
On an essay outline I recieved recently, there are a lot of terms that I am unfamiliar with. Funny enough I don't know what "term" means in this context:
"Topical Sentence(s): Begin with a rhetorical question, a discussion of the terms, or a quotation. Outline your understanding of the terms and topic."
It is also suggested that I:
"Define or Interpret the terms that are given to you. Rather than making your chosen text fit within the confines of the terms that are given to you, make the terms fit to your text. The terms you are given are synonymous to or easily associated to other things. eg. Security: Acceptance from others, confidence, safety, etc..."
I also need to consider the following in an essay I have to write in response to an article:
diction
terminology
syntax
rhetorical devices
figurative and poetic devices
literal/figurative language
theme
message
tone
voice
style
genre
I already asked my teacher for help but I'm still not clear on a couple things.
My understanding is that diction and terminology is the same thing and they indicate the use of hard words/ advanced vocab. Syntax is how well the words were put together (so a very long sketchy comment would most likely have poor syntax).
I think rhetorical, figurative, and poetic devices are the same and they are examples of metaphors, similes, rhetorical questions, personification, anthropomorphy, and anything that induces imagery.
The theme and message is the moral/message of the literature. I have a feeling though that they are supposed to be two different things.
Tone is the emotion conveyed to the reader through the diction and syntax. But I don't understand how tone is different from voice and style?
Genre is the setting of the literature (but not necessarily time and place). A scientific article would have a totally different genre from Jungle Book (the latter I find is a lot easier to describe).
I think I got most of these terms correct, but if there is a mistake please correct me. Without thouroughly knowing these terms, it is impossible for me to write a good essay knowing my teachers and professors will like it, and the writter's block that comes with the stress is always fun to deal with.
danielh
Sep 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Teacher lecture or students do some of the talking? which do you prefer? [5]
For mrarching
My teachers do a lot of lecturing, especially in math and science. Because the students don't know as much about those courses as the teacher, class discussions would be slow and unproductive. In English and Social though, the teachers encourage class discussions after enough of the material was covered. This is how it has been for me since ever. I find that some teachers are naturally good at keeping the subject relatively interesting, but the monotonous drones are... not so much.
For litingjiao
I used to think that wordy was good too, but I got docked big marks for it in high school. As long as you have good diction and your sentences don't contain so much fluff, it shouldn't be an issue. I think the reason why you were encouraged to use longer sentences was because it showed to professor that your English was good enough to do so.
For mrarching
My teachers do a lot of lecturing, especially in math and science. Because the students don't know as much about those courses as the teacher, class discussions would be slow and unproductive. In English and Social though, the teachers encourage class discussions after enough of the material was covered. This is how it has been for me since ever. I find that some teachers are naturally good at keeping the subject relatively interesting, but the monotonous drones are... not so much.
For litingjiao
I used to think that wordy was good too, but I got docked big marks for it in high school. As long as you have good diction and your sentences don't contain so much fluff, it shouldn't be an issue. I think the reason why you were encouraged to use longer sentences was because it showed to professor that your English was good enough to do so.
danielh
Sep 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / WILL WOMEN LEADERS BE LESS VIOLENT THAN MEN, GIVE EXAMPLE AND OPINION [6]
Naturally society expects men to be leaders and for women to be kind and gentle. For a woman to be taken seriously enough to gain any political power, she must put down that "gentle appearance". It is still important to have a good background though, especially if the woman wants to be a Liberal.
Naturally society expects men to be leaders and for women to be kind and gentle. For a woman to be taken seriously enough to gain any political power, she must put down that "gentle appearance". It is still important to have a good background though, especially if the woman wants to be a Liberal.
danielh
Sep 13, 2009
Grammar, Usage / Structure is not as difficult as writing. [6]
"i still find that Writing is not so easy as writing."
If by that you mean writing without errors is easier than writing something original and interesting, I agree.
"i still find that Writing is not so easy as writing."
If by that you mean writing without errors is easier than writing something original and interesting, I agree.
danielh
Sep 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Comparison essay with subject on tolerance and power. [11]
"Be the change you want to see in the world." is another quote from Mahatma Gandhi that is very similar. There are more variations of it but they are all equally recognized on google search though. I guess it doesn't help if the original quote was translated into English.
"Be the change you want to see in the world." is another quote from Mahatma Gandhi that is very similar. There are more variations of it but they are all equally recognized on google search though. I guess it doesn't help if the original quote was translated into English.
danielh
Sep 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Comparison essay with subject on tolerance and power. [11]
Wow I never realized how informal the essay would sound with the contractions, even if there were just a few. Thanks for your review. It was helpful but I still don't really know what to do about the last paragraph. All I changed there was:
As once said by Mahatma Gandhi, "We must be the change we wish to see".
As for pronouns, the only ones I could find were within quotes so I couldn't change them.
Wow I never realized how informal the essay would sound with the contractions, even if there were just a few. Thanks for your review. It was helpful but I still don't really know what to do about the last paragraph. All I changed there was:
As once said by Mahatma Gandhi, "We must be the change we wish to see".
As for pronouns, the only ones I could find were within quotes so I couldn't change them.
danielh
Sep 12, 2009
Writing Feedback / Comparison essay with subject on tolerance and power. [11]
The essay question is "Which one, in your opinion, is more persuasive and why? Do your own feelings on the subject contribute to your opinion?"
I have to do a comparison essay on Edward M. Forester's "On Tolerance" and Jomo Kenyatta's fable "Gentleman of the Jungle". I had to do this assignment for school, and I am a canadian in grade 11. What do you rate this essay and what could I do better?
------------------------------------------
Tolerance and Power
In order for people to live harmoniously within a community, they must make a few realizations first. Love is powerful, but for everyone to express it all the time is irrational and for the most part impractical. But one may ask, isn't love the essence of good relationships? Love can prevent people from turning against each other, but tolerance is much more sustainable and equally adequate. Edward M. Forster and Jomo Kenyatta explain what is required to live harmoniously through some interesting literature. While E. M. Forster encourages tolerance through a straightforward essay, Jomo Kenyatta brings across his message of peace through a fable. Point is, for a global community to survive at a level of mutual understanding and peace; people must be courteous and tolerant.
As indicated by E. M. Forster in his essay on tolerance, people must learn to respect each other's differences. For most people, it is impossible to love everything in life. Many may find it difficult to accept others for whom they are, but treating others unfairly for impersonal reasons is unjust. If people don't tolerate each other's differences and beliefs, freedom of speech is compromised as well as the lives of many. Freedom of speech is a big part of democracy, and so is tolerance. "What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?" This quote from Mahatma Gandhi clearly reflects the previous point. If people were free to kill and persecute who ever they pleased, society would crumble under hatred's foot. Mahatma Gandhi struggled to bring peace to the conflicting Hindus and Muslims of India, and in his struggle the quote "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" was made to reflect what happens when people resort to anger and violence. True, is it not? Edward M. Forster stated "Don't try to love them: You can't, and you'll only strain yourself. But try to tolerate them. On the bases of that tolerance a civilized future may be built". It only makes sense that a civilization will strive if the people within it are civil.
Although tolerance is of utmost importance, so is power. If a nation is desperate to expand its dominion, it may conquer another nation. Jomo Kenyatta's fable Gentleman of the Jungle is a symbolic example of how power can also cause people to turn against each other. When one takes advantage of another's weakness, intolerance is demonstrated. But when one takes out their anger on someone who did them wrong, it is revenge (or self defense depending on the situation). Although Gentleman of the Jungle was an entertaining read, it doesn't cover the fact people can be cruel without having extrinsic motivations (the hunger for power). It's insightful but it lacks the stern attitude required to tell the reader that the struggle for power is a serious issue that must be stopped. A desperate or naïve person could even be inspired by the man in the fable to reject certain authorities and extort others. Edward M. Forster's way of utilizing the medium is more effective at delivering a clear message that asks for consideration on the presented issue. Intolerance is the root of all problems relating to civilization.
Some level of dominion is required by a civilization to strive, but as a global community tolerance must be practiced to its fullest extent. It has been revealed to humanity time and time again that intolerance will surely lead to war and death. As long as peace is induced by the people and for the people, love will eventually fall into place. "We must be the change we wish to see" -Mahatma Gandhi
The essay question is "Which one, in your opinion, is more persuasive and why? Do your own feelings on the subject contribute to your opinion?"
I have to do a comparison essay on Edward M. Forester's "On Tolerance" and Jomo Kenyatta's fable "Gentleman of the Jungle". I had to do this assignment for school, and I am a canadian in grade 11. What do you rate this essay and what could I do better?
------------------------------------------
Tolerance and Power
In order for people to live harmoniously within a community, they must make a few realizations first. Love is powerful, but for everyone to express it all the time is irrational and for the most part impractical. But one may ask, isn't love the essence of good relationships? Love can prevent people from turning against each other, but tolerance is much more sustainable and equally adequate. Edward M. Forster and Jomo Kenyatta explain what is required to live harmoniously through some interesting literature. While E. M. Forster encourages tolerance through a straightforward essay, Jomo Kenyatta brings across his message of peace through a fable. Point is, for a global community to survive at a level of mutual understanding and peace; people must be courteous and tolerant.
As indicated by E. M. Forster in his essay on tolerance, people must learn to respect each other's differences. For most people, it is impossible to love everything in life. Many may find it difficult to accept others for whom they are, but treating others unfairly for impersonal reasons is unjust. If people don't tolerate each other's differences and beliefs, freedom of speech is compromised as well as the lives of many. Freedom of speech is a big part of democracy, and so is tolerance. "What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?" This quote from Mahatma Gandhi clearly reflects the previous point. If people were free to kill and persecute who ever they pleased, society would crumble under hatred's foot. Mahatma Gandhi struggled to bring peace to the conflicting Hindus and Muslims of India, and in his struggle the quote "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" was made to reflect what happens when people resort to anger and violence. True, is it not? Edward M. Forster stated "Don't try to love them: You can't, and you'll only strain yourself. But try to tolerate them. On the bases of that tolerance a civilized future may be built". It only makes sense that a civilization will strive if the people within it are civil.
Although tolerance is of utmost importance, so is power. If a nation is desperate to expand its dominion, it may conquer another nation. Jomo Kenyatta's fable Gentleman of the Jungle is a symbolic example of how power can also cause people to turn against each other. When one takes advantage of another's weakness, intolerance is demonstrated. But when one takes out their anger on someone who did them wrong, it is revenge (or self defense depending on the situation). Although Gentleman of the Jungle was an entertaining read, it doesn't cover the fact people can be cruel without having extrinsic motivations (the hunger for power). It's insightful but it lacks the stern attitude required to tell the reader that the struggle for power is a serious issue that must be stopped. A desperate or naïve person could even be inspired by the man in the fable to reject certain authorities and extort others. Edward M. Forster's way of utilizing the medium is more effective at delivering a clear message that asks for consideration on the presented issue. Intolerance is the root of all problems relating to civilization.
Some level of dominion is required by a civilization to strive, but as a global community tolerance must be practiced to its fullest extent. It has been revealed to humanity time and time again that intolerance will surely lead to war and death. As long as peace is induced by the people and for the people, love will eventually fall into place. "We must be the change we wish to see" -Mahatma Gandhi
