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Posts by JayKIM
Name: Hyeonji KIM
Joined: Mar 11, 2018
Last Post: Mar 15, 2018
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From: Korea, Republic of

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JayKIM   
Mar 11, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 Bar graph about percentage of men and women doing exercise systematically [3]

exercising willingness among different groups of people



The bar chart describes the proportions of Australian male and female who engaged in physical activity on a regular basis in six different age groups in the year 2010.

Overall, Male tended to show more interests in older age groups, while female had less. However, both sexes showed some variations on taking part of a regular exercise over the age groups.

Male aged 15-24 who regularly participated in working out accounted for 52.8%, which was more than a half, being higher than female's proportion of participants to regular exercise. However, the interest showed the downward trend, occupied 42.2% and 39.5% respectively in the age between 25 and 44. Male experienced a slight upward trend from between 45 and 54 to the oldest group aged 65 and over. The youngest female group comprised 47.7%, steadily showing the increase in 45-54 age group, reaching 53.3%. Female had the least interest in physical activity on a regular basis in the oldest group aged between 65 and over.

The difference of level of interest in a regular exercise was approximately 5%, which male participated in exercise more. However, although the differences had some fluctuations according to ages, women outraced the proportions of men working out on a regular basis in the age between 25 and 65 and over.

(210)

Question: upward trend, fluctuations these are only able to use when comparing periods? And is it okay to write more than 200 words in Task1?
I am an absolute beginner of Ielts so there might be a lot of mistakes also grammar as well. I will be very happy if you can give me any advise, even small grammar mistakes. :)))




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