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IELTS Task 1 Bar graph about percentage of men and women doing exercise systematically


JayKIM 1 / 1  
Mar 11, 2018   #1

exercising willingness among different groups of people



The bar chart describes the proportions of Australian male and female who engaged in physical activity on a regular basis in six different age groups in the year 2010.

Overall, Male tended to show more interests in older age groups, while female had less. However, both sexes showed some variations on taking part of a regular exercise over the age groups.

Male aged 15-24 who regularly participated in working out accounted for 52.8%, which was more than a half, being higher than female's proportion of participants to regular exercise. However, the interest showed the downward trend, occupied 42.2% and 39.5% respectively in the age between 25 and 44. Male experienced a slight upward trend from between 45 and 54 to the oldest group aged 65 and over. The youngest female group comprised 47.7%, steadily showing the increase in 45-54 age group, reaching 53.3%. Female had the least interest in physical activity on a regular basis in the oldest group aged between 65 and over.

The difference of level of interest in a regular exercise was approximately 5%, which male participated in exercise more. However, although the differences had some fluctuations according to ages, women outraced the proportions of men working out on a regular basis in the age between 25 and 65 and over.

(210)

Question: upward trend, fluctuations these are only able to use when comparing periods? And is it okay to write more than 200 words in Task1?
I am an absolute beginner of Ielts so there might be a lot of mistakes also grammar as well. I will be very happy if you can give me any advise, even small grammar mistakes. :)))




TJLuschen - / 259 190  
Mar 13, 2018   #2
Hi, I think writing more than 200 words is fine and is probably necessary to provide enough detail to get a top score. I agree that trend and fluctuations really only makes sense when talking about changes over time, not in a static context like this. Overall, your report seemed difficult to understand with many confusing sentences. Here are some specific suggestions:

of Australian [men and women] [ in six different age groups] who ... on a regular basis in six different age groups in the year 2010.

Overall, [males] tended to show more interests in older age groups, {this is confusing and I think incorrect - what do you mean? The youngest group of men exercised the most. }

... showed some variations [in] taking part [in] regular exercise

[Males] aged 15-24 ... accounted for 52.8%, {this is incorrect - only use "accounted for" when you are talking about a total of 100% which is made up of various percentages - like "apples accounted for 33% of all the fruit sold"} which was more than a half, being higher

However, the interest showed [ a] downward trend, {I would only use "trend" for data that changes over time, which is not really the case here} occupied 42.2% ...

The youngest female group comprised 47.7%, {47.7% of what? this is unclear to me}

The difference of level (...) age between 25 and 65 and over. {this whole paragraph could be more clear. Maybe "In every age group apart from the youngest, women pursued regular exercise at a higher rate than men."

(210)

Question: upward trend, fluctuations these are only able to use when comparing periods? And is it okay to write more than 200 words in Task1?
I am an absolute beginner of Ielts so there might be a lot of mistakes also grammar as well. I will be very happy if you can give me any advise, even small grammar mistakes. :)))
OP JayKIM 1 / 1  
Mar 15, 2018   #3
@TJLuschen Thank you for your feedback! I am going to practice again based on this Thank you!


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