Scholarship / Relevant work experience to commerce [3]

I want to apply for master of commerce and in relevant work experience part of application form I have to answer a question. I need your feedback. thanks a lot.

describe your key job duties

question: describe your key job duties and any managerial roles you have, including mentoring and training of colleagues

answer: I work in the sales and customer relations department of Jazireh Gold and Jewelry Shop. Our main activity is selling and buying gold. I have to calculate the price of gold jewelry for customers based on price of gold per gram, gold karat, weight of gold, Jeweler's making charges and percentage of our profit. Following that, I persuade them to purchase what they are willing to have. In addition, I buy gold after checking if gold is real or fake and determining its karat.

The most important task for me is managing the shop in the absence of our manager which expand my duties. This condition assist me in preparing myself in order to start my own business in the future.

I am responsible for service to foreign customers and this is the sweetest part of my job. Further, I consider it as a window to the international business world which will accelerate my success.

Graduate / Details of received academic prizes and awards during my tertiary studies [2]

I want to apply for master of commerce and one of the questions in application form is: please provide details of any academic prizes or awards you received during your tertiary studies.submit a maximum of 300 words.

please revise my answer:

achievements obtained during study

The government of Iran gives an exam annually to determine talented students for receiving a scholarship covering tuition fees of the universities completely and expenses of accommodation and meals partially during their study time. My result was among top 2% of applicants. Accordingly, I won that invaluable scholarship in the year 2013 and I profited from it until the year 2017.

I was awarded some money by Industrial Engineering Department of Shiraz University of Technology in 2017, owing to the fact that I had the highest cumulative GPA among students. (My GPA: 18.06/20, university average GPA: 15.21/20, department average GPA: 15.61/20)

I was selected as an exceptional talent in 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017 based on specific criteria such as being among top 10% of students and having a GPA higher than 17 / 20 in order to find and help intelligent and hardworking students. The Exceptional Talents Guidance Organization sent me many prizes like stationery in those years. Being a member of that Organization and having the highest cumulative GPA gave me the opportunity to gain both admission from Shiraz University of Technology and the same scholarship as my undergraduate study from the government for graduate study without taking the exam which is mandatory for others. But, I withdrew that chance, because I want to continue studying in Australia.

The Scientific Association of Industrial Engineering granted me some money after my first semester in the university because my exams results were the best in industrial engineering class of the year 2013.

I was bestowed a golden coin in the year 2011 on account of the best student presentation in Technology and Sciences Convention.