Writing Feedback / Too strict rules for young people? What do you think? - TOEFL IBT [4]

With the upcoming test, please give me some feedbacks :((( thanks a lot for helping me!!

Problem:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict.

the development of adolescents slowed by restrictions?

Answer:
Even in modern societies, parents or relatives still tend to arrange each and every aspects of young people live from the college they are entering in to the major they select. In my perspective, those kinds of rules are too strict to follow since we have different interests or hobbies from the elderly. Besides, the rules may strongly restrict our development of independent and responsibilities in the future.

First of all, parents always ask for perfection but overlook the effort young people have made so far. For instance, when I was in senior high school, I was major in Chemistry and even got the outstanding award of Chemistry. During the mid test, I got 90 in that test which was the highest score among the whole class. However, believed that I can do it better, my mom felt unsatisfied and forbidden me to hang out with classmates for fun. For the expectation of the societies, I consider it unreasonable to obey. Moreover, the time making something from excellent to perfect is much more than you imagine. In other words, we can spend the time to learn another thing.

Secondly, making a choice for young people is a controversial topic too. Parents usually do decisions by their experience and expect that the choice will give you a promising future. To put it into the realistic, some of subjects, such as electronic engineering or computer science, would be greatly recommended for young people to study. Just like an old saying said that ''Interest is the best teacher''. Out of interest, we would keep further academic researching. However, without any interest on it, the studying would be a tedious and repetitious information engrafting process.

To sum up, making too much choice and asking for the perfection of academic performance, parents' requests are unreasonable. Both of the above examples would obviously restrict the development of adolescents.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Independent Writing-having fun playing game or doing thing with HW [2]

Dear all, this is probably the first time I do the TOEFL independent writing. Are you willing to give me any opinion to make it perfect.......please... thanks a lot!!

parents should save some time for kids

Question:
Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time to do things together that are related to schoolwork. Which of the two approaches do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Answer.
In my perspective, I would like to pay attention with my busy parents on the fun games or sports, especially exercise together. Parents are likely to be sick of the indoor activities since they have stayed in the office throughout the whole day. Having difficulty in going outside during the work, parents obviously enjoy having fun with kids. The bases for my views are educational, emotional and healthy.

Educationally, children should regard their schoolwork as their own responsibility instead of asking parents for the answers. Being in charge of their own study is a crucial factor for growing-up, children have to learn how to solve academic problems by themselves. By this kind of independent training, the children will adapt to accomplish everything by themselves. Besides, children would not attribute their failure in academic performance to their parents who were not able to help children in study. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the best use of the time is to have fun playing game or sports for both parents and children.

From an emotional perspective, playing games or sports can intrigue the positive energy which can solidify the family's relationship in contrast of the stressful schoolwork. As usual, we take the schoolwork seriously by correcting every detail and avoiding any missing assignments. In the atmosphere of tension, the parents are likely to blame children for any tiny mistakes they make. Compared to the above situation, playing a game not only be the relax time for parents but also provides the positive energy among family.

Healthy-speaking, spending time outdoor makes people healthier. It has been proven that keeping sitting on the chair or sofa is harmful to human body. Without walking or exercising, the Basal metabolism will decrease which deeply affects our health and leads to lots of diseases. Therefore, if parents spend the rest of the time playing sports with children, the whole family may get rid of the obesity.

To sum up, spending the time in playing game or sports is beneficial to both parents and children from the above perspectives and the effect it provides is beyond our imagination.