Posts by AmericanCorner

AmericanCorner

Jul 24, 2018

Writing Feedback / Governments spend too much money to protect wildlife, while there are other important problems [3]

Holt, thank you so much for the feedback, it means a lot to me. I just made this essay in 10 minutes without having preparation, lol. but yeah, heaps of thanks for the suggestions, it will take it for granted and will try to improve my writing.

AmericanCorner

Jul 24, 2018

Writing Feedback / Education for young people is important in many countries. What about illiterate adults? [3]

For the first one, it relates to the number of words you've produced where it limits to over 300 words. Second, it comes to the choice of words you put to the sentence such as "no matter what situations are" seems like it is inappropriate to be used.

In addition, for the phrases," financial resources should be spent" seems to me that there is a sense of "forcing idea" but it is, to me, far better if you say "financial resources of one country should be allocated for the educational sector seeing the condition that ......, and "allocating money for building public ...", it's supposed to allocate money to build school's infrastructure or to fund scholarship.

Another problem is that "as they are not literate, they will find it difficult to know what happens around them when they are unable to read newspapers or books. To my understanding, these sentences are quite redundant because the point is similar. Hence, it is far better if you can deliver any other ideas than do repetition.

Best,

AmericanCorner

Jul 21, 2018

Writing Feedback / Governments spend too much money to protect wildlife, while there are other important problems [3]

It often said that the governments spend too much money to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important?
Do you agree or disagree?

budget for the endangered species protection

It is arguably these days the head of local pay too much attention toward the life of endangered species and put aside other problems in another way. While I agree to see the impact that may have on caring with the distinction animals, I also believe that there are other cases that needed to overcome its way out.

It is noticeable that with the threat of life on the animals, concerning efforts might be a good solution since it can keep their offspring alive. It is because since they are no longer exist in our life and it is really huge the leader may lead to making them survive by giving conservation. Also with the craving of humans to put the advantage of their life, it might them extinct. Thus, it is true spending tons of money for the sake of one's life is no vain, even though there are debatable comments afterward. In the first place, animals are also creatures like the human, need to have a right to live their life.

On the other hand, it also impacts to the bias action the authority runs since many things like the infrastructures, economics' boosts and education should be put attention to. Taking example for the condition of Indonesia where nowadays the people live there are not in good growth of the economics, seeing that fact that many live in an inappropriate place, lack of water consumption and has lagged in terms of education. That is way, the plan of executing more money on wildlife is not a good solution to witness other condition as mentioned above. For goodness sake, it should be run in both ways without putting one's aspect aside.

At last, it is true that we have to keep the life of the endangered species but it is better not to spend much budget on it since there are lots of things the government should prioritize towards country's condition.