Posts by AnnLee

AnnLee

Jul 28, 2018

Writing Feedback / Students should choose fields based on their preferences or just focus on job related subjects? [3]

Hello, I think you did a good job. Since I'm neither a skilled writer nor an examiner, I can't cite out any wrong choices of words or expression, but there are some mistakes you made with the preposition after some words:

related ~~about~~ : related to
talented ~~about~~ : I think it should be talented in
You misspelled the word 'brighter' in 'brigher future.' but I think it's a typo.
Additionally, I think you should restate your opinion in the conclusion and there should be more verbs that express possibilities instead of writing everything in present simple, which implicates that you are sure of everything in your essay.

AnnLee

Jul 28, 2018

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Reason why children play less with others and the effects on their development [4]

Topic: Nowadays, children play less with others and this has an impact on their development. What are the reason for this ? Does it have a good or bad effect on children ?

busy children nowadays

The decreasing amount of time spent socializing with others has become more and more common among children, which is believed to have many influences on children's early development. The cause of this phenomenon are varied, and this may lead to many detrimental effects on the young generation as a whole.

Current heavy workload from school and and tempting contemporary techonology are identified to be the two main reasons. Firstly, children nowadays are too occupied with their studies to socialize with their friends on top of constant examinations. Additionally, high expectations from parents on their studies also lead to stress and pressure for their children, which may isolate them from friends.Secondly, the rapid development of modern technology which engenders many new sources of entertainment and social media such as Facebook may mitigate the amount of time for interpersonal activities. As these new benefits from technology may be addictive to some extent, real life relationships establishments might also be neglected.

As a matter of fact, this trend is having apparently deleterious impact on children's development. In terms of their social life, as they have rare interactions with others, this may result in highly limited communication skills, which can hinder their future careers. Furthermore, lack of socializing could be the reason for many mental illnesses. Owing to the time allocated for studying, which renders children incapable of leaving their desk so as to communicate with others, children may suffer from a deteriorating immobile lifestyle or even autism.

In conclusion, the negative effects of seclusion on children may result in the deterioration in social lives and many diseases. Understandings of the causes and impacts should stimulate parents to take proper remidial steps in order to prevent and resolve such problems.

[i]Feel free to share your ideas about this topic and also my essay. If possible, could you evaluate my essay and give me an approximate band score for this please ? Thanks for your attention../i]