Writing Feedback /
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below [3]
The given line graph
illustrates revealsYou should remove one of them, because they are both verbs
between men and
woman over
you can change this word into women as plural form
I suppose as overall, the figure of women couldn't be said having a downward trend, because the number of female smokers rose over the period shown. I think, we can say that the number of smokers were predominantly men.
registered
the highest among the two
i prefer not to use superlative because we compare only two things.
decreased to about 550 men ...
you count it wrong, it should be 500
then
continued plunged to a low the vicinity of 400 men in
1990s the following 10 years in this graph
You used two verbs in one sentence, you can change plunge into plunging or remove "continued" , just remove the stricken part or you write "stood under 400", i think it is not efficient to write two similar adverbs of time.
similar trend could be seen in the rates of smoking in Someland
this part is vague, because it doesn't refer to women figure
you repeated the same phrase and preposition many times in your writing. i find it difficult to understand your writing, because it is not coherent and you made several grammatical mistakes. you made two separate paragraphs filled with conclusion. you separated the explanation for the two figures, you didn't make comparison between them.