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Posts by Lunacy
Joined: Sep 20, 2009
Last Post: Dec 25, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: United States

Displayed posts: 7
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Lunacy   
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Infinities of Chess - U of I at Urbana Champain Essay [8]

As a thinker, I have always enjoyed games that exercise the infinite possibilities of the mind. Chess is among the best; it not only challenges one's brain but also builds sportsmanship and friendship. Perhaps it is a universe of its own, with pieces that represent phenomenon. and perhaps it has its own law called the "rules of game." On the board, it's a war, but it is also a science, a sport, and an art. Every game teaches a lesson. The key to success is not only intelligence but also persistence. Each mistake made is a lesson learned.Even though chess is a game, I do take it seriously. Chess is a game of learning -- it enhances problem solving that can be used in real life every day. It is a part of my soul. Checkmate!

The "checkmate!" bit is cute, but it is rather tangential and frankly, unnecessary, in my opinion.

Otherwise, good job!
Lunacy   
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: "The Timeless Time Machines" [6]

I think your problem is here: "Dostoevsky's novel has inspired me in ways I cannot explain, and it has also influenced me to read more books to feel more inspiration."

The essay is asking you to explain precisely HOW it inspired you. The entire purpose is to explain it, so you can't get away with saying "this novel has inspired me ways I cannot explain." You are almost skirting the question entirely.

Maybe you could bring up a specific event in which you recall using a lesson learned from a book?

Your essay is well-written, and I like where it's going, but you're lacking a unifying theme...what precisely do you want to convey? What's your ultimate point? Do you want to say that you're now smarter? Or maybe now you are more sensitive to other viewpoints, and are thus more willing to hear opposing opinions? Pick something like that and use it to tie your essay together.

Best of luck!
(-:
Lunacy   
Nov 5, 2009
Book Reports / Essay on Hamlet--Hamlet fakes insanity to mask his actual insanity [2]

Vain and self-conscious, Hamlet realizes and is embarrassed by the progressive deterioration of his mind made worse by the death of his father. He worries that those around him will either dismiss him as an atypical fruitcake or, in fear, dispel him completely, which, naturally, will disrupt his plan to avenge of his father's death.

Knowing that no one would ever suspect a triple-layered plan, Hamlet schemes to fake insanity to mask his actual insanity. His transition to insanity is not immediate-rather, it progresses throughout the play. However, he immediately tries to cover it up.

So, that's my intro paragraph, but I've been told my thesis is rather unclear. What I'm trying to get at is that Hamlet has a "triple-layered" plan in which he fakes insanity to mask his actual insanity.

Anyone have any tips for how I can better polish my intro paragraph?

Thanks
Lunacy   
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / 'my dream with various courses' - Northwestern essay [3]

Although there are many reasons why Northwestern is my higher education destination, my primary reason is its academic excellence. With highly competent professors accredited with the Nobel Prize, I would be able to gain access to high quality education, and thus greatly expand my knowledge. I personally like Northwestern University because of its flexibility in determining a major. It easily allows students in Weinberg College to declare a major in another school or within its school. The ease of double majoring will allow me to focus my knowledge and learning across various principles. For instance, I want to double major in anthropology and economics. Although they are seemingly unrelated, I believe they can adequately build the foundation for my future business career.

Northwestern U niversity provides ample opportunity to build upon my dream with various courses. The Kellogg School of Business financial economics certificate course is an excellent option for me to pursue, as it would teach me the workings of business management. Even the diverse student population of Northwestern University itself would allow me to apply anthropology in the real world. Beyond the academic courses, Northwestern also provides various internship opportunities and the famous Undergraduate Leadership programme pursued by ambitious students. These various courses complement each other, and they will allow me to complete a holistic, interdisciplinary education that would undoubtedly aid me in becoming a successful leader.

Moreover, I appreciate and value the traditions that Northwestern supports within the university. The painting of the Rock and its development into a major landmark of Northwestern is fascinating, as it shows how traditions were developed and preserved at the same time. The annual Halloween Chemistry Shows is of particular interest, as it would be quite interesting to see science experiments conducted by costumed teachers. The only event that could possibly rival this event in terms of comic appeal is probably the stadium marshmallow throw during football games. I greatly value the levity and the free atmosphere Northwestern presents among students and between students and faculty members. With this atmosphere, I believe that studies at Northwestern would be both comforting and engaging.

Beyond the academic attractions Northwestern presents, I am also interested in the myriad of diverse activities and events that the university offers. During my time as a member of student council for my high school , I greatly enjoyed organizing events and representing my peers. I wish to continue this at Northwestern by participating in Associated Student Government-- attempting to represent my peers effectively and bringing about beneficial changes. Other activities such as the Dance Marathon and somewhat mysterious Primal Scream would provide me with opportunities to establish relationships with others and would create a memorable college experience. As a responsible global citizen, I would also participate in various community service groups such as Habitat for Humanity and reach out to those in need.

I strongly believe that education is a holistic process, not only one taught within the classroom. If education was purely about academics, we would be no more than smart robots. I believe that it is experience in life and interactions with others that complement our learning in classrooms, and aid our development into mature, responsible individuals. I want to maximize my exposure to diversity in all directions, hence my decision to enter Northwestern, a university bustling with diversity with cultures from more than 50 countries worldwide.

Northwestern provides the complete, holistic education that I desire. With these wonderful opportunities presented, it is common sense for me to select Northwestern as my dream university.

I would also revise the last sentence somehow--it seems a bit awkward to me.
Lunacy   
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Wrestling - College Essay...any suggestions? [6]

Goodness, I love it!

I especially like this sentence: "I wrestled boys with arm muscles the size of my calves."

I know this post wasn't particularly helpful, but I really don't have any changes to advise, either, so good job!
(-:
Lunacy   
Sep 21, 2009
Undergraduate / "How did you get caught?" - University of Chicago Supplemental Essay [3]

Well, my goal was actually to describe how Joanne functioned more as a dose of reality. I didn't mean for it to come out as though she reminded me that I don't want to be poor.

Hm, I'll have to work on it and add some more to it to make that more clear, and also to make myself sound less pompous (because I definitely am NOT).

Thanks for the feedback!
:)

Oh, and about the essay prompt, I agree, it IS a little weird. However, that is the question as taken directly from the University of Chicago's website.

They're rather infamous for their somewhat curious prompts, I hear.
Lunacy   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / "How did you get caught?" - University of Chicago Supplemental Essay [3]

Essay Prompt:
How did you get caught? (Or not caught, as the case may be.)


The whole neighborhood knew Joanne-she was the "turtle lady", the small, rather skeletal woman whose red-ear slider turtle permanently touted about her feet, inspiring her to traverse the streets with her bantam baby tethered in said fashion. Joanne was the turtle lady, but she was also several things more. She was the person whom my dad hired to clean our house, my friend, and my mentor- the one who unabashedly shoved reality in my face and taught me how to swallow it.

Joanne was poor, but at fifty-nine, also proud.

She wouldn't take our alms, so instead I would beg her to eat, but she'd refuse on the basis that the food I offered wouldn't sit well in her stomach, or that she already had something in her stomach that wasn't sitting well, or that her back hurt, or that she simply didn't like it. I knew her real reason was none of these. Her real reason was dignity. Her last shreds of dignity-she wouldn't be giving them up to a sixteen-year-old. But she'd always accept one thing-pie. So we'd sit with pie, various kinds, sometimes peach, sometimes apple, other times triple-berry (our favorite), cherry but once and never again (she dismissed its thick, sweet syrup as "industrial goop") and we would sit on my patio, discussing the perks and quirks of life.

She told me of her past-how she had lost her husband, how her son was always so strung up on drugs that he had tossed away any joys of motherhood she might have experienced, how he was now wandering from couch to couch, asking her often for money, of which she had none. She told me she came from Pittsburg, where her mother was struggling with cancer, but where she could no longer afford to live, because she herself had been terrifyingly sick there (something in the air-she spent days at a time in the hospital, and had nearly gone blind). I realized that I had no such things to worry about. I became conscious of the fact that my "problems" were not problems, at all, but petty complaints.

I soon saw that Joanne was a classic pessimist, a lovable Eeyore. Somewhere along the line, she had simply given up-she stopped struggling.
"How are things, Joanne?" I'd ask her.
"Eh." she'd respond, but then she'd bark out a laugh-the edge of her lips would pull playfully to her ears and her eyes would crinkle into telling crescents, telling me that yes, life was bad, but hell, wasn't it always?

Joanne and I, from two different worlds, quickly bonded, made friends.

She was a little woman, and had curious habits-I remember how she would cut the kitchen sponges in half, claiming that at their regular size they were too big for her small hands. Somehow, Joanne was silly, logical, blunt and subtle all at once.

She wouldn't say anything, for example, when I begged my father for a new phone, but I always saw her staring, shaking her head. She herself couldn't meet the expense of even a landline. I soon dropped my phone nagging.

Week to week, she would see me strut about, demanding my allowance so I could go shopping. "What are you doing," she'd reprimand me, "prancing around at stores, all the time?Get off your butt!" Then she'd have me clean my room while she winked at me over her peach Fresca.

One Tuesday while studying, or rather, while chatting to my friends over Facebook and complaining about studying, I looked out the window and saw her trudging figure hovering around the neighborhood garbage cans. She was searching for bottles and cans to collect; was looking to gross a few cents-what she hoped would be the next day's breakfast.

My heart broke. It broke again when she announced to me that she would be leaving to Pittsburg-her fixed low-rent had expired, and life on the West Coast was too expensive.

I miss her. She was like an oddball mentor whose quirkiness is timeless and nostalgic; whose persona permanently etches a memory to your heart for curious reasons beyond your capabilities of description. Because, although it was she herself who was plummeting, slowly sinking down into the crevices of society; into the cold hands of poverty, she caught me-before I even knew I fell.

General thoughts? Anything I can improve on?

Thanks for your time!
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