Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by rebeccasayshey
Joined: Sep 21, 2009
Last Post: Sep 28, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  

From: United States

Displayed posts: 10
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rebeccasayshey   
Sep 28, 2009
Book Reports / "catcher in the rye" - thesis statement [6]

I was always taught that in the thesis you don't use examples? In my opinion, the last sentence should be taken out.
rebeccasayshey   
Sep 28, 2009
Essays / Personal statement; Question about the way this question is formed? [5]

Okay, so I've been trying to start my college admission essays for UCF but this is the way its worded:

The personal statement is a very important part of your application. It assists the university in knowing you as an individual, independent of test scores and other objective data. We ask that you respond to two of the topics below. Your personal statement should be no longer than 500 words or a total of 7000 characters for both statements (refer to character remaining counter below the essay). The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.

Is it saying that both essays together need to be 500 words? or that each should be?
rebeccasayshey   
Sep 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App essay, rough draft (needs work) tennis [7]

I think the essay is off to a good start, but you need to correct some grammatical errors. For example, the "i"'s need to be capitalized. Also,

This was almost demeaning and frustrating because these players were very skilled and could do all these tricks while i could barley hit the ball where i wanted it to go.

This sentence is weak, and I feel like you need to change where you say "all these tricks".
rebeccasayshey   
Sep 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Making perfect shoppings is connected with taking a major decisions; "Why I want to go to UCF" essay [9]

feel like it's missing something! Feel free to crititque as much as possible! Thank you :)

The topic: Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

Update: Oops! I've discovered a problem. I have to answer two questions, and they have to be under 500 words TOTAL. This one right here is 487 and I haven't even started the other one. Help me, what do I cut out!?

For me, buying anything is a long and tedious process. It has to look nice, smell nice, be practical, not too expensive, wearable, and even multi-functional. I tell you this to give you a small insight on what it's like for me to make a decision. This is why my parents, teachers, and fellow students are all so shocked when they ask me "What school do you want to go to" and I reply quickly with "University of Central Florida." For someone like me, who is incredibly undecisive, a quick response to a straightforward question is rare. I'm not going to lie to the people at the University of Central Florida admissions office and say that this is the only school I'm applying to. It's not - but it is my first choice. However, it is while I was filling out the applications to these other schools that I realized University of Central Florida was the school for me.

The student life at the University of Central Florida seems ideal for me. I am a very cultural person, and I like to be around new things and ideas, which I believe the University of Central Florida could provide for me. From French Club to International Student Association to the German Club, there's a little bit of everything. At UCF I'd like to major in Hospitality and minor in French. As I previously stated, I love to be around new cultures. Naturally, studying abroad would seem like the perfect decision for me in my four years. University of Central Florida almost tailors to my needs, by offering a Hospitality Exchange at the Universite d'Angers, France - an abroad program in which I could deepen my knowledge involving my major and my minor.

Most of all, I want to attend the University of Central Florida because of the Rosen College of Hospitality Management. My thoughts had been drifting between a few different schools that I really wanted to go to, but after going to the campus and seeing the Rosen College, my mind was made up. I, more than anything, wanted to be a knight. Through my extensive research done after the excited trip to the campus, I was able to discover that the Rosen College campus encompasses one of the largest colleges of hospitality in the United States. Due to its location, there are a plethora of opportunities for incredible internships and management positions in the heart of the world's most rennowned tourist destination. Aside from the small college feel that comes along with the Rosen College and the internationally recognized experts that teach there, it is truly one of the most beautiful college campus' I have ever seen. According to the Rosen College's brochure, one hundred percent of students who graduate secure themselves positions upon graduation. With statistics like that, I don't know how anyone wouldn't want to attend this beautiful and truly modernized college.
rebeccasayshey   
Sep 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Drugs Are Cool (University of Pittsburgh Undergraduate Application) [8]

I think if you include what type of student you are, that might fend well. However, I agree with EF_Simone with the fact that the introduction is very clever. I might talk a little bit more about Pitt's medicine program, what you know about it, why you want to go to their program versus another schools.
rebeccasayshey   
Sep 21, 2009
Faq, Help / Is it safe to post my essay here? Or should I be worried about Plagiarism? [175]

Well there's this site which is a really great tool in helping editing papers. Elsewhere, I believe CollegeConfidential has a portion of their forums that they devote to helping revise issues. If you google "Editing College Essay" there will be an array of websites that pop up that charge you to edit, although I think only this and college confidential are the ones that are free.

Hope that helped! :)
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