thanhnguyen2508
Oct 8, 2018
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 IELTS: Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. [3]
Please help me by giving me feedback on this essay. Thank you so much.
Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, most of the schools' curriculums mainly emphasize on teaching traditional classes like literature or history, which is assumed to be not as essential as teaching job-oriented subjects. In my opinion, students should balance the length of time they studying these fields because of the benefits pupils can earn after acknowledging them.
Firstly, people can approach a large number of experiences collected for thousands of years by their ancestors. Through their achievements and mistakes, students are capable of modifying and enhancing themselves in a positive way. Secondly, pupils have capabilities of shaping their characters and personalities, which play important roles in securing well-paid careers in the dynamic and competitive environment. Furthermore, a child taught how to treat people in polite and moral ways will have an advantage from other kids in creating a broad and long-lasting network. This shows how necessary the traditional subjects are, and children ought to spend more time discovering deeply in this field.
On the other hand, people cannot ignore the significant benefits that students can gain from learning skill lessons. Lacking this type of knowledge results in the rise of unemployment in modern life, which is one of the reasons why there was an increasing number of crimes who are juveniles. In addition, children have opportunities to find out which fields are their strength and weakness. As a result, they can improve themselves in a directed way, and this will support them in following their passions.
To conclude, the importance of traditional subjects are as valuable as the role of job-guided ones, so they shouldn't be supposed to be worthless.
Please help me by giving me feedback on this essay. Thank you so much.
the importance of traditional subjects
Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, most of the schools' curriculums mainly emphasize on teaching traditional classes like literature or history, which is assumed to be not as essential as teaching job-oriented subjects. In my opinion, students should balance the length of time they studying these fields because of the benefits pupils can earn after acknowledging them.
Firstly, people can approach a large number of experiences collected for thousands of years by their ancestors. Through their achievements and mistakes, students are capable of modifying and enhancing themselves in a positive way. Secondly, pupils have capabilities of shaping their characters and personalities, which play important roles in securing well-paid careers in the dynamic and competitive environment. Furthermore, a child taught how to treat people in polite and moral ways will have an advantage from other kids in creating a broad and long-lasting network. This shows how necessary the traditional subjects are, and children ought to spend more time discovering deeply in this field.
On the other hand, people cannot ignore the significant benefits that students can gain from learning skill lessons. Lacking this type of knowledge results in the rise of unemployment in modern life, which is one of the reasons why there was an increasing number of crimes who are juveniles. In addition, children have opportunities to find out which fields are their strength and weakness. As a result, they can improve themselves in a directed way, and this will support them in following their passions.
To conclude, the importance of traditional subjects are as valuable as the role of job-guided ones, so they shouldn't be supposed to be worthless.
