Posts by LuchianoP
Name: Luchiano Perez
Joined: Oct 10, 2018 |
Last Post: Oct 18, 2018
Threads: 1
Posts: 3
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From: United States
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Displayed posts: 4
Undergraduate /
College entrance essay for Pitt. How have you made an impact? [3]
Before I start my comment I am also a high school senior finalizing my common app and supplemental essays.
When I read your essay I thought it didn't give me a reflection of who you are. To me I read this and thought you decided to take action after a traumatic event. I live in Florida, and I applaud you for trying to make a difference. But I think your essay would be better if you referenced an example where you took initiative to create change in your community, not an example where you reacted after something bad had happened.
Undergraduate /
You're So Immature - Common App Essay; something that sparked a period of personal growth [7]
Before I start my comment I am also a high school senior who currently is finalizing my common app essay
First your introduction didn't catch my attention. It's to descriptive for no reason, which is why it's boring. If you can't get the audiences attention in your first couple of sentences than why should they continue reading. Remember that college admission officers are reading thousands of essays you need yours to tell a story.
Another thing your essay doesn't give a true understanding of who YOU are. This essay one of the only spots where you can show colleges what you are capable of and an experience you have gone through.
Try to edit this essay to explain a certain argument you had with your dad and how it affected you. The portion where you question what exactly is maturity cut it out. You only have 650 words use them wisely. Remember your essay needs to be PERSONAL and genuine.
Undergraduate /
Academics and community. Who or What influenced you to apply to Syracuse? 250 word cap [3]
Why I choose study at Syracuse?
When I realized I wanted to work with the FBI as an Intelligence Analyst, I immediately knew to stay away from the DC schools. Attending a University in DC would be beneficial, however, every college student in the area is striving for the same aspirations. To end up on Capitol Hill, or intern with the Supreme Court. I knew I needed to be in a place where my potential was recognized. Syracuse offers a Dual Major program, allowing me to study Political Science at the Maxwell School and Public Relations at the Newhouse School. In addition, the Maxwell School offers a Washington Semester Program; working as an intern in DC provides me a first-hand experience in both international and domestic policy. Despite Syracuse not being in the center of political reform they still attain all the endless opportunities.
Academics is not the only thing to consider when choosing my college. I wanted to be apart of a community that fostered growth. Syracuse has 25 different "Learning Communities" geared towards your interest. Being surrounded by other students with the same passion will create a environment that motivates me to excel. The commitment Syracuse has made to focus on diversity and inclusivity enhances the possibility for me to transition from the 100-degree heat in Florida, to the 15-degree snow in Syracuse; I know I will feel at home.
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