queenlcg
Oct 18, 2018
Writing Feedback / Investing in schools and teachers or supplying computers and Internet access? IELTS2 [4]
Hello!
I would recommend changing your first paragraph. First, it is only two sentences. While not bad, the sentences are long. Try breaking the first sentence apart and stating that there are different views, what they are, and then lead into what you believe. Short and concise is great, so try summarizing the information. I would also recommend adding a hook. The paragraph is boring and I didn't want to continue reading. I hope this helped a bit!
Hello!
I would recommend changing your first paragraph. First, it is only two sentences. While not bad, the sentences are long. Try breaking the first sentence apart and stating that there are different views, what they are, and then lead into what you believe. Short and concise is great, so try summarizing the information. I would also recommend adding a hook. The paragraph is boring and I didn't want to continue reading. I hope this helped a bit!