Undergraduate / Personal Statement for Undergraduate Program in Computer Science [2]

First of all, thanks for reading and helping me. This is my first time to write a PS. I would love to get comments about my mistakes if any. All the personal detail has been censored.

all about me

PS instruction:
"The personal statement is all about YOU. We expect to find in your personal statement your strength, your passion, your interest, your future goals, or any information you feel will be of interest to the selection panel."

I have always been attracted to the computers since I was a kid. Back to the time when I was 6, my parents brought home a computer from their workplace so that my mother could get her work done while being pregnant. It was my first time to see a computer system in real life, also the first time I've had an accident with a PC. Being a curious kid, I always had the eagerness to learn how things work. Therefore, I tried to copy what my parents did, including changing the hard drive's password. As a result, my father had to buy an alternative hard drive, which cost a fortune. Although I was forbidden from using the PC again, my passion for computer has never ended.

A few years later, I went to secondary school. In 8th grade, the Informatics teacher introduced to my class a programming language called Pascal. I still remember the day when I wrote my first lines of code in "Hello World!" program. From that day onwards, I've had a new hobby, which is to code and to solve maths problem with Pascal. After a month, using my basic knowledge in programming and mathematics, I wrote my first program - a calculator. At that moment, I decided that I would be a programmer in the future because creating a product using my own lines of code was such a satisfying experience.

With my great enthusiasm for Informatics, I registered myself for the specialized class of Computer Science in ***. In grade 11 and 12, I took part in school's team for national olympiad in informatics. It was such a memorable and meaningful time for me since I've had a chance to push myself out of the comfort zone to compete with excellent students all over the country. In order to say thank to my teachers who gave me priceless knowledge, I came up with an idea that I would create an online judge for students to submit their computer science exercises. Therefore,*** was released.

The more I know about ***, the more I believe this is a perfect place for me to spend my university years. Throughout my whole life, I've met a lot of great teachers and talented students who have guided me to where I am today. And I think that *** will be a great choice for my next destination as it offers me a lot of opportunities to broaden my knowledge in many aspects. *** not only offers highly ranked Computer Science program but also encourages cultural diversity which creates a huge chance for me to learn more about people from many other parts of the world. To become a successful programmer and to own a software company is my cherished wish, and I believe that *** will allow me to fulfill my dream. With strong motivation and passion, I look forward to challenging myself by studying abroad in such a global-class university like ***.