Posts by Whandhey95

Whandhey95

Dec 14, 2018

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay Question 2 - Protecting kids from owning cell phones with Internet access [3]

I have read through your essay and unless there is a word limit, I think your essay is short. For an opinion essay, I think it is better to have a structure in mind.

- Introduction
Write a background statement about the topic.
"In this present day, owning a phone is considered to be a necessity because access to information is only a click away. With a smartphone, there is almost no limit to what a person can do. Mobile banking, booking an appointment, keeping in touch with family and friends, e-commerce, receiving traffic updates are just a few of the numerous benefits of owning a phone. Despite these, there seem to be conflicting views as to whether or not parents should allow their children own smartphones. This essay will discuss both views and take a position on which is considered to be the better of the two." - This is just an example, you do not have to copy word for word. It should serve as a guide.

- Paragraphs 1, 2, 3, .... n
- Opening sentence
- Reason/Supporting sentence: Here you are just going to stress the main idea of the paragraph you stated in the opening sentence.
- Evidence: You could give examples
- Closing: Make efforts to link it back to the opening sentence.

Basically, with this format, you will be discussing one idea in each paragraph. The number of paragraphs you will have will depend on the number of ideas you have.

- Conclusion
Stress your introduction again by paraphrasing it.

Because you are required to give an opinion, you could end with "In my opinion, xxxxxxxxxxxxxx"

I hope I have been able to help you out.

Kind regards.

Whandhey95

Dec 14, 2018

Scholarship / Potential contribution that you'll make to international development if you're awarded a scholarship [4]

Thank you Holt for your honest review. I will put into consideration your suggestions in my final copy and revert back.

I don't think I understand what you mean by "Due to the lack of attention to the development of internal economic sources, Nigeria finds itself at a crossroad that could easily be overcome through proper taxation and collection of locally based industries and foreign company investments in the country."

If possible, please shed some light on that phrase.

Thank you.

Whandhey95

Dec 13, 2018

Scholarship / Potential contribution that you'll make to international development if you're awarded a scholarship [4]

COMMONWEALTH DEVELOPMENT IMPACT

[i]Commonwealth Scholarships in the UK are funded by the UK Department for International Development (DFID). An important selection criterion is the potential contribution that you will make to international development if you are awarded a scholarship.

I am in the process of submitting my application and will appreciate it if my development impact essay is reviewed. Thank you!!!

The Nigerian economy experienced a near collapse due to the rapid decrease in the price and demand for petroleum over the last few years. The Nigerian government, since crude oil was discovered in 1956, has heavily relied on crude oil sales proceed as a primary income source thus neglecting other sources of income stipulated in the constitution.

Also, the rising cost of governance has in no way alleviated this challenge, thus making it of necessity for the government to consider new alternatives in raising funds or to become aggressive and creative in the collection of revenue from existing sources. One of these sources being tax.

Tax is the most certain and consistent source of income because every government possesses the inherent power to impose and collect tax. It is because of this that Benjamin Franklin's aphorism that, "In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes" can be considered to be valid. Any government particular about economic growth and development will ensure that the tax system put in place is effective and efficient.

Promoting economic development in low and middle income countries is key to advocating global prosperity. I share a similar view with the Department for International Development that, a major way to foster economic development in developing countries like Nigeria is to encourage raising revenue internally. Tax being the most important though traditional source of finance.

The government has since adopted several strategies to harness the benefits of tax. However, the use of tax professionals have not been emphasized. For this reason, I embarked on researching the role of tax consultants in tax revenue generation in my final year, and decided to study for a master's degree in accounting and finance with the aim of specializing in tax.

When I return home, I will make the findings of my dissertation available to the government, so that they can be incorporated into the existing revenue generating strategies. I anticipate that the 10-year period following their implementation will cause tax revenue to increase exponentially.

The Nigerian government is the first beneficiary of my proposed research. When the government is able to raise more funds internally, infrastructures will be developed to encourage foreign investments in Nigeria which in turn will translate to good roads, constant power supply, reduction in the unemployment rate which among other issues are the major challenges of the average Nigerian.

By publishing research articles and authoring taxation texts, I hope to enrich the educational curriculum on taxation. These will make resources available to future researchers and also aid the understanding of taxation in educational institutions.

I will collaborate with the Department for International Development (DFID) as a means of ensuring that the impact of my work is measured by the Commission. In conjunction with the DFID, I will conduct tax training and seminars on contemporary tax issues for the staff of the tax authorities. I also expect that I will be able to provide my expertise towards tax policy development.